


Promises Kept

by JudyOct98



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: F/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-24
Updated: 2019-08-24
Packaged: 2020-09-25 04:02:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 56,427
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20370358
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JudyOct98/pseuds/JudyOct98
Summary: A "through the years" story starting in year 2. After finding love on New Earth, both have to deal with their feelings when VGR returns to bring them home.





	Promises Kept

**Author's Note:**

> This story is dedicated to all the big brother's and little sisters out there.

Rating: PG-13/R - with some mature content.

Promises Kept

By: J.A. Greene

I've looked around enough to know  
That you're the one I want to go  
Through life with.  
\- Jim Croce

Chakotay stepped out from behind his small sleeping alcove looking for Kathryn. It was quiet and she usually took her bath after dinner. He walked around the table in the center of the shelter picking up their dinner plates.

As he did, he thought of how close they started to become since being left on the planet they were destined to live on for the rest of their lives due to an incurable insect bite. Kathryn worked diligently for the first month after their arrival hoping to find a cure so they could leave their adopted home, now named New Earth. Her hard work and research equipment were destroyed by a violent plasma storm that tore through the area two week's before.

Since then Kathryn was left to accept their life here. It was taking time, but she had turned her determination for finding a cure, into planting a vegetable garden, including Talaxian tomatoes. Slowly she was adapting, her captain's resolve was dissolving to reveal a stunning and delightful woman he was pleased to spend time with. Six weeks ago he'd told her how he felt about her with his angry warrior "legend." She was moved to tears literally and they held hands for the first time.

When stranded on New Earth, the last thing he expected was to fall in love with Kathryn Janeway. It had only been two years since both their crews were stranded in the Delta Quadrant, a result of the Caretaker.

Their first few months were strained to say the least, as both crews of Maquis and Starfleet learned to work and live together. His relationship with Kathryn was formal, they never associated off-duty except for emergencies or meeting in the messhall.

Now that they were here on New Earth for a month and a half, they only had each other. They were finding out more about each other now than ever before. He found she was playful when relaxed, loved to laugh, yet serious in her work to find a cure. Moreover, she loved her baths, which gave him the opportunity to make a bathtub for her. Now that the cure was part of their past, as were Voyager and their crew, she was starting to adapt. For this he was thankful, because it had been difficult for her.

He placed the plates in the small sink and turned on the faucet to rinse them off. Once done, he put them in the handmade wooden dish-rack on the side of the sink to dry.

He decided to see if she was bathing by peeking outside to the tub located beneath a tree a few hundred feet away from the doorway. He looked over to find the tub empty. Now he was curious, he glanced into her sleeping alcove to find her robe still hanging up.

"Kathryn?" he said as he went to the door of the shelter and opened it. The night was warm with a soft breeze and the sky full of stars. There was no answer. He stepped outside gazing around. A moment later he found her on the opposite the side of the shelter sitting on a blanket gazing up at the dark sky. He approached slowly, "Kathryn, you okay?"

She didn't answer, her legs were pulled up to her chest and her hair was pulled back with a clip. She sighed shrugging, he stepped over and sank down beside her peering at her face, which was partially shadowed in the moonlight.

He realized she was obviously in deep thought. He asked gently, "what are you thinking about?"

After a moment she replied softly, "I'm just wondering where the ship and crew are now." He didn't respond, "and what my mother is making for dinner tonight." She wiped her eyes, his heart sank as he noticed her tears for the first time. She sighed, her breath shuddering, "it's already been over a month and I...miss them all so...much Chakotay."

"I miss them too," he said softly, she leaned forward putting her face in her hands stemming the tears. He reached up placing his hand hesitantly on her shoulder stroking gently. "It's okay Kathryn - "

"What's worse is," she whispered tearfully, "we'll never know if they make it home."

"We can believe Tuvok," he told her, "will do all he can Kathryn. I haven't known him as long as you have, but I believe he has nothing but good intentions for the crew's safety and knows they need to get home."

"I know that should relieve me," she said shaky, "but, I just wish - " and stopped. She paused, "what I wish doesn't matter anymore."

"Yes, it does," he said, she glanced at him. He smiled at her and she attempted to smile in return. It didn't work, she started to cry softly, shaking her head burying her face in her hands. "Oh, Kathryn," he said gently, "come here," he slid closer to her wrapping an arm around her pulling her closer. She leaned into him, her tears overwhelming her. She wrapped her arms around his waist burying her face against his chest. He held her tightly beginning to rock her gently, he placed a kiss on the top of her head and began to stroke her back.

She began to quiet after several minutes and lifted her head wiping her face and eyes as he waited patiently. She suddenly realized she was in his arms and pulled away from him, "I'm sorry," she said looking away.

He studied her, "why?"

Kathryn bit her lip wiping the remaining tears, she sighed, "here I am, the lost Captain Janeway crying like a baby over something I have no control over."

"'Captain'?" he inquired curiously, knowing they left their ranks behind when Voyager left. He was surprised she still thought of herself in that sense.

She stared at him realizing what she had said, she groaned, "oh Chakotay - it's not easy for me. Being here - you know how hard it's been."

"I know," he said gently, "but, Kathryn, we have each other and although we're the only two here, we're not alone." He paused, "unless you want to be."

Kathryn sat quietly pondering his words, knowing what he meant. Being the only two on this planet meant they would eventually have to find comfort in each other, more comfort that is, than a simple embrace. She knew of his feelings for her, but she was scared. Scared she found she had feelings for him and that his physical presence was drawing her closer to him.

She sighed, "of coarse not Chakotay. I don't want to be." He smiled softly, she did as well and he reached out taking her hand, she grasped it. After a moment she said, "Chakotay, I was curious about your family. Are any alive after the Cardassians ruined your home?"

He sat quietly for several moments. He glanced at her with a sigh, "well, I have a sister and a cousin still." She nodded interested, "my cousin, Lishei, lives in Ohio on Earth. She was spared what the Cardassians did."

"What about your sister?"

"She survived the occupation and destruction," he replied, "of Dorvan." He was silent and closed his eyes, "after she hid for almost a month in the nearby woods, she managed to get off the planet on a Cardassian shuttle. When it docked at Terok Nor, she slipped off and stayed there until she could get on a private ship."

"What happened then?"

He shrugged, "it took her some time, but she ended up on a small federation colony. She was found by another Maquis member in a bar and was brought with them after they found out where she came from.

"During that time," he continued, "she was fed and allowed to sleep."

"Where were you?"

"I was on Earth," he replied.

"Did you know what was happening?"

"I found out about the destruction of Dorvan around the time my sister was living on the station," he said. "I resigned my commission a week later. At that time I took the first ship I could get and went home." He became silent, their hands were still clasped, and she instinctively wrapped her fingers around his. "When I arrived, what I found - "

"I've read the reports," she said gently.

He nodded, "I found the remains of what was left of my family. But, there wasn't any sign of my sister. Something told me she wasn't dead, not yet. So I stayed, and I searched for her. There was no sign."

"What did you do?"

"I left," he replied, "and headed for the nearest federation ally. They weren't much help. I was on a federation outpost when I was approached. Apparently word had gotten around that I was looking for a survivor from Dorvan. This person asked who I was and why I wanted to know. She thought I was a Starfleet spy."

"She was Maquis?" Kathryn asked understanding.

He looked at her with a soft smile, "yes. I told her why I was looking and who I was. Needless to say, she held me for hours interrogating me to be sure I was telling the truth."

"Did they hurt you?"

He shook his head, "no, just asked me alot of questions. The same ones asked in many different ways to try to confuse me. I answered the same way each time. After some water and a little food, they led me to a room and closed the door. I waited I don't know for how long, when the door finally opened she was brought in."

"Your sister?"

He nodded, "alive and well. It was a very happy and sad reunion." He paused with a deep sigh, "so we both stayed with them. I fought beside them. My sister never left my side. In a few months, I was put in charge of my own cell. By then my sister by then was a formidable fighter and went into another cell."

"How'd you keep in touch?" she asked curious.

"We did it through coded channels," he told her.

Kathryn nodded, "when did you see her last?"

"We were supposed, " he said, "to meet on a Maquis outpost two weeks after my run into the Badlands. As you obviously know, the Caretaker had other ideas."

"Then you don't know if she's alive or dead?" she asked shocked.

"I never had time," he replied, "to get word out."

"Oh Chakotay," she said softly. "I'm so sorry. I never knew. You must feel awful for not knowing."

"I've tried not to think about it," he said. "These past two years have kept me alittle busy. Sometimes off duty I've allowed myself to wonder, but..." he stopped.

She stared at him, a soft smile formed, "I guess I did keep you alittle busy." He glanced over at her with a smile, she laughed quietly. He did as well, their hands were clasped tightly. "So what now?"

"I am still busy," he replied. She smirked, "by trying to make you comfortable here. This is our home now, it should be comfortable."

"You know I'm grateful for all that you've done?" she asked. He nodded. "You didn't have to."

"I know," he replied, "but it's something I wanted to do."

They became quiet, the stars twinkled above them as they stared. A moment later they watched one drop out of the sky and dissolve. She pointed to it and he nodded. She sighed, "what's her name Chakotay?"

He didn't look at her, "Shamira."

"That's pretty," she said still gazing up. "What's it mean?"

"Precious stone," he replied.

She was quiet, then sighed, "she's still alive Chakotay, you have to believe that. Even if we're here for the rest of our lives, at least - " she stopped realizing what she was saying. She lowered her head, "well, I think I'll go to bed," and began to stand. He started to, "you can stay - "

"It's alright," he said as their gaze locked in the moonlight.

Kathryn stared up at him, she felt herself drawn to him, wanting to touch his tattoo, kiss his temple and work down to his full mouth. She stifled that thought quickly, she sighed stepping back, "well, goodnight."

His gaze never left hers, "goodnight Kathryn." She nodded and turned walking quickly into the shelter.

Chakotay stared after her for a moment, then sighed knowing she just avoided their first kiss. More like ran. He knew it'd happen soon, but he'd wait until the right time. He picked up the blanket they were sitting on, folded it and then headed into the shelter.

Kathryn dragged her fingers through the soft and cool soil preparing to plant some flower seeds that Chakotay had taken from some flowers in the woods. As she did, she thought back to that night two days ago when they almost kissed for the first time. She realized how much she wanted to, but got scared on how close they'd become in just the short time they were here.

She sighed as she prepared a hole with her forefinger. It was a bit humid today and she could feel the sweat trickling down her neck and back. She reached behind her rubbing her neck. She groaned wanting to ask him for a neck rub, but knew if she did, it'd probably lead to more than she was ready for.

I guess I'll suffer, she said to herself. With a sigh, she then wiped some sweat from her forehead and the side of her face ready to get back to her chore.

=/\=

Inside the shelter, Chakotay had just finished setting the table for dinner. The fish he'd caught earlier that day was just about ready and he wanted to let her know so she'd have time to wash up. He headed outside and stopped finding her lying on her stomach in front of part of the garden. She was working the soil and adding the seed's he'd gathered for her a day ago.

He smiled, "dinner's just about ready. I was curious what you wanted?"

Kathryn turned her head glancing over her shoulder at him, "what's on the menu?"

Chakotay stuck his hands in his pockets walking slowly over to her. He smiled, "the fish I caught in the river today, or...the fish I caught in the river."

Kathryn laughed at his joke, "well, I guess I'll take the fish." He nodded, "when?" she asked.

"About a half hour," he replied, she nodded brushing some loose strands of hair out of her face and at the same time smearing fresh dirt alongside and up into her hairline. She looked sweet and beautiful at the same time, he couldn't take his eyes off her.

Kathryn smirked catching him staring, "what are you staring at?"

He strode over closer with a soft smile, "not much. Except I never expected to see you lying in a garden looking happy. In the two year's I've known you Kathryn, you never cease to amaze me."

She laughed softly, "I didn't expect it either." He sank down beside her while staring at her. She groaned, "Chakotay, stop staring at me like that! I'm not that fascinating."

He chuckled, "I'm sorry, but this sight is so amazing." He sighed, "you might want to shower or something before we eat."

"Why?" she asked frowning.

"Kathryn," he chuckled, "you look you fell into a mud puddle. You're covered in dirt."

She then sat up some on her hip gazing at her dirty hands, "its not that bad."

Chakotay started to laugh, he reached out gently brushing some off her forehead, "come here," he grinned at her. She leaned closer. "You've got a streak here," he gently ran his finger alongside her face, "here," and down to her neck. "Also here," he trailed his finger into part of her hair.

Kathryn stared at him feeling threads of desire coursing through her as he did this. Their eyes never left each other as he continued to stroke some of the dirt away.

As Chakotay did this, he felt the current of energy pass through him as well. She hadn't moved, slowly he began to trace her eyebrows, working down to her nose and to the shape of her mouth. She sighed softly, her mouth opened slightly. He then worked down to her chin and tilted her face up.

That's when he noticed her eyes slightly closed, he decided to take his chance. He leaned forward and gently kissed her.

Kathryn gasped softly feeling his mouth on hers. She wanted to respond, but she still wasn't sure. His mouth was soft and his breath warm he tasted like herbs. She pulled away gazing at him, "what are you doing?" she asked, somewhat breathless opening her eyes.

Chakotay smiled gently at her, "going with my instincts and what I wanted to do for the past two days."

"Chakotay - " she started and groaned when he kissed her again, this time deeper and firmer. She groaned softly as he reached behind her head placing his hand gently against the back of her neck and pulling her to him. Kathryn felt herself start to lose her balance and reached out wrapping her arms around his neck for support. He opened her mouth to his and she gave in, starting to respond.

Chakotay felt her finally start to respond, he pulled her tighter against him loving the scent of her as it mixed with her sweat and the soil. Wrapping his arms around her, he molded his body against hers as they lay down against the moist dirt.

Kathryn felt his arms around her. She slid her arms up around his strong back pressing herself up into his arms. He tasted and felt good, she could also feel the desire in his kiss and wanted more. After several minutes they broke apart, he began to kiss her face gently as she dragged her fingers through his hair.

"Chakotay," she breathed. He gazed deeply at her, "I think I should wash up for dinner." He nodded, she reached up tracing his mouth, "and that was very nice." He smiled, she sighed, "and I'm hot - "

He got the message, "I'll go check the fish," and moved off her sitting up. She sat up, he stood up holding out his hand. She took it and he pulled her to her feet, they stared at each other. He kissed her tenderly again, pleased she didn't pull away this last time. "Let's go," and held her hand leading her into the shelter.

=/\=

Kathryn glanced at the piece of particle board that was lying on his worktable. There was some container's nearby filled with various colors as his new project was just being started.

She sipped her coffee, "what's that?"

Chakotay glanced over and then back at his food, "just a sandpainting I've started."

"A 'sandpainting'?" she asked amazed. "You sandpaint Chakotay?" He nodded, "I think that's a fascinating art."

He lifted his eyes staring at her, she looked truly interested. He sighed, "well, actually it used to be a form of healing when done by the Navajo and Pueblo Indians."

She frowned, "but, if I remember correctly, you're neither."

He nodded, "that's right. By after my grandfather died, my grandmother was married a Navajo medicine man. He taught me one summer while I visited them."

"Did he also heal?"

Chakotay shook his head, "no, just demonstrated at fairs and an occasional art show. The actual healing ceremony took a day, and in their village, hardly anyone got sick."

"Oh, that's too bad," she said. She studied the painting a bit longer, "what's it supposed to be?"

Chakotay didn't respond, he was planning on depicting her sitting by her garden with her hair around her. Now that idea was tossed because she knew about the painting. He thought quickly, "the river and that nearby waterfall."

"It should be beautiful," she commented, he nodded. They continued to eat, once she was done, she stood up stepping over to the painting. He watched her as she stood with her arms folded against her chest, his heart beating rapidly as he realized how absolutely beautiful she was standing like that. After a moment she glanced over her shoulder at him, "can you show me."

He sat there debating her request, yet still shocked by her. He drank the last of his tea and stood up, he then stepped over beside her. As he arranged the board, sand and glue around him, he focused on what he was doing. Her close proximity was making it difficult.

He sighed, "okay, the sandpainting balances good and evil, or that's what the purpose was." She glanced at him, he forced himself to continue, "if it was ever upset, a disaster would result."

"Disaster?"

He nodded, "I got the idea to...make this after the plasma storm." She nodded understanding, "so nature is balanced, it is in harmony. Only," he looked at her, "we can upset it."

Kathryn looked at the colored sand, "what about the colors?"

"I found some sand and soft stone," he replied, "along the river bank. I replicated the pigment and colored each. Luckily they didn't take long to dry."

"Those are very basic colors," she said glancing at the white, blue, yellow and black.

"Those are the principal colors," he told her. "That means they're linked to the four sacred mountains as well as the directions."

"What mountains?" she asked curious.

"Arizona's San Francisco Peaks in the west," he replied, "the Navajo Mountains in the north located in Utah, Mt. Blanco in Colorado for the east and Mount Taylor in New Mexico for the south."

"What about the red?"

He looked at her, "the red's considered sacred and represents sunlight."

"Can you show me how to do this?" she asked, he stared at her. "That's if you want to."

He smiled gently at her, "I'd love to," she smiled. He uncapped the glue bottle that had a brush attached to the wand. "Here, take this and apply some glue there," he pointed to the center, she took it and started. "Make sure its even, if it's not the sand won't stick or look proper," she nodded. He watched her stroke outward slowly, "that's enough."

"Why not all of it?" she asked looking at him.

"To make it look even," he said. "The glue can only be applied once and it dries fast." He put the glue wand back into the bottle sealing it. He picked up the blue sand and poured a small amount in his palm, then he adjusted the sand inside his hand as he closed his fingers around it leaving his index finger extended. She watched him, "you're supposed to work from the center in a sun pattern," he said.

"Why?"

He shrugged, "religious purposes. You work from east to south and from west to north and back to east." He demonstrated letting the sand flow evenly onto the glue surface, she watched impressed. "I found some ivy or something like it that will work as a protective garland around the sandpainting when it's done."

"Why does it need protecting?" she asked curious.

"To prevent it," he replied, "from infusing the work from the north, west or south. Only three sides require it, it'll look like a rainbow."

"It sounds wonderful," she said, he looked at her. They stared at each other, the temptation to kiss was great. She sighed, "now what?"

"Add more glue," he replied breaking eye contact with her taking the bottle of glue.

They spent the next hour working on the painting together. The desire built between them as he helped hold her hand when she tried distributing some sand.

Once done, he put everything back as she picked up the dinner dishes. She was washing the plates when he stepped up beside her, "I'll dry," he offered, she nodded. They worked in silence and he said, "thanks for helping me."

"I wanted to learn," she told him looking at him.

"Really?" he asked still unsure.

She smirked at him, "yes, really." He shrugged and turned back to the sink dipping his hands into the warm soapy water. She frowned, "Chakotay, why do you seem surprised?"

He was quiet as he washed the cooking pan, he sighed, "your the first woman who's ever expressed an interest in what I enjoy. Its alittle...surprising."

She stared at him, "I understand," she said softly, he glanced at her and she smiled.

Chakotay did as well, he leaned over kissing her softly, she responded. He pulled away after a moment, she stared up at him. He sighed in thought, "my sister and I used to wash the dishes every night after dinner. We never had the use of technology on Dorvan. At the academy, I heard stories from other classmates about how'd they fight over the chores with their brother's or sister's. Nobody would believe we both actually enjoyed it. It brought us closer to each other."

"That's a nice memory," she commented.

He nodded, "yes, it is." He sighed, "and the water helped soothe me at times. Especially after a stressful day of school." She didn't respond, he looked at her seeing a smirk on her face. "What?"

Kathryn shrugged, "nothing." She bit her lip holding back a smile, "it's just sorta funny how you've admitted to enjoying water, even though it's just your hands."

Chakotay looked at her seeing the humor in her eyes sensing she was teasing him. In response, he lifted on of his hands partly out of the water and flicked some water at her. Kathryn shrieked in shock feeling the warm soapy droplets coat her face and neck, her dress absorbing the water as it ran down her. He chuckled, "but this was my favorite time of all."

Kathryn fumed, "Chakotay! That's not funny, I'm soaked!"

"I disagree," he claimed still chuckling, "you look quite comfortable."

She glared at him, "oh yeah," and immediately put her hand into the water and splashed him back, soaking him from head to neck. "See how you like it!"

"I do," he claimed and splashed her back. She shrieked again, feeling the laughter crawl up her throat. She growled and splashed him back.

He did the same in return, the water fight continued until both were laughing and practically soaked from head to toe. In a last effort, he grabbed her placing his wet hands on her neck.

Kathryn squirmed attempting to pull away as she laughed, "let me go Chakotay!" He did and she turned to him, "enough! I've got to change again," she sighed calmly pushing the wet hair out of her face.

"Agreed," he said calming shaking the loose water from his hair. He saw her working with her hair and walked over to her as she worked with it. He reached out pulling some away from her face. She shivered at his touch. He started letting his fingertip trace her jawline.

Kathryn sighed not moving as they stared at each other, feeling the electricity passing through them. Her body leaned towards him more, she wanted to kiss him, but fought the urge. She moaned, "did you ever have...water fights..." she shivered again to his touch. "With your...sister," her voice was breathy.

Chakotay was tracing her mouth gently gazing deep into her eyes. "A few times," he replied deeply drawing her closer, his arm sliding around her waist.

"Who...won?" she asked fighting what was happening, but knowing it was inevitable.

He was pressing his body against hers now, "me," and lowered his head kissing her deeply and gently.

Kathryn groaned in response, her arms sliding around his neck. She opened her mouth to his as the kiss grew deeper, she felt herself falling in love with him. As much as she fought it, it was happening. He was the most gentle, compassionate and attractive man she'd ever met. They were here alone forever on New Earth, this was bound to happen, she was just shocked at how fast it did.

After several minutes she pulled away gasping as they stared at each other, "Chakotay, should we...be doing this?"

He wouldn't let go of her as she attempted to pull away, he held her to him gently. He was so aroused and he wanted her, but he forced his desire back as the scared look in her eyes was evident. "Kathryn," he said softly, "it's okay. It's just us."

"I know," she said sliding her hand down his chest, unaware of the reaction it was causing in him. "It's just that...I'm not sure about this - " and quieted when he kissed her again gently. She moaned responding, her head was spinning with all that had happened.

Chakotay pulled away, his own breath short as she gasped softly. "I won't rush you Kathryn, I promise. As difficult as it'll be, I'll wait."

She smiled softly, "your so wonderful Chakotay. I never dreamed of this happening between us, but...I promise to let it happen as it should."

"Oh Kathryn," he whispered, her words bringing pleasure to his heart and soul. This woman was going to soon be ready to give herself to him. He was more in love with her now than he was an hour before. "You're so damned beautiful," he said and kissed her again. She responded as they held each other tightly, their heart beats merging as one. He forced himself to pull away from her before they went to far. "Goodnight, Kathryn," he said softly breaking contact with her.

She forced her breathing to calm, she nodded, "yes, goodnight Chakotay." She forced herself to move back to her sleeping alcove. As she did their eyes never left each other's, she moved behind the partition and slowly sank down onto her small bed. She closed her eyes, controlling her breathing. "Am I doing this?" she whispered and knew she was. Once calm again, she stood up beginning to remove her damp dress and pulled on her robe. She then released the braid she wore her in and taking her brush beginning to smooth it.

As soon as she was done, she put the brush back on her nightstand and stood up removing her robe. She pulled her nightgown over her head and fitted it around her. She turned pulling down the bedcovers slipping inside and settled down, closing her eyes. As she drifted off to sleep, her thoughts drifted back to what just happened and she sighed, happy that at least it was Chakotay and not Neelix she was stuck with.

A few days later Kathryn was walking through the forest picking various berries she knew were edible. Without conscious thought, she found herself entering a clearing where Chakotay was working with some wood. He was using an axe and shaping the end. That didn't surprise her, what did was his bare chest and shoulders as he worked. The sweat gleamed on his bronzed skin as she realized he didn't know she was there.

She was quiet watching him and felt a stir of arousal start in the pit of her stomach. Watching him bend over to pick up another piece of wood, she grew flush with wanting. Slowly and quietly she backed away from the clearing to head back to the shelter. Just as she was reentering the forest, a branch cracked. She turned and ran back down the path.

When Chakotay heard the branch snap, he looked up and over to find Kathryn disappearing back into the woods. He frowned puzzled, curious as to why she didn't say she was there. It was then he realized his shirtless torso and chuckled with understanding. He shook his head now knowing he might try arousing her a bit more tonight.

With that thought, he continued with his work.

=/\=

That evening after dinner, when the dishes were done and everything put away, he drew her to him to kiss her goodnight. She responded gently, he held her against him as he deepened the kiss. She moaned softly and felt his hand slide slowly down to her lower back and stop at the curve to her backside.

She gasped against his mouth, clinging to him and then to hide the desire she was feeling embraced him, burying her face against his shoulder. He held her gently hearing her breathing calm.

"You okay?" he asked gently.

Kathryn sighed nodding, "yes," she gazed up at him with a soft smile. "Goodnight Chakotay."

"Goodnight, Kathryn," he said releasing her. She moved away walking into her alcove. He turned to work on the sandpainting with a smile of success on his face.

The following week Kathryn knelt before the garden pulling out some weeds. As she did she thought back to their goodnight kisses. He was slowly bringing the desire out in her, she was starting to want him more and more.

Suddenly she discovered she wasn't alone and glanced over finding Chakotay watching her nearby. She smirked, "what are you doing?"

He shrugged walking over to her, "nothing much," and sat down beside her.

"Shouldn't you be working?"

"Done for today," he replied. "I've also found a nice patch of trees that would make good wood to add onto the shelter."

Kathryn glanced at him with a small smile, "that's good. More room, the better."

"Better for what?" he asked curious.

She glanced down, "just, more space."

Chakotay smiled at her, knowing they were venturing into unknown territory. Territory that they knew would be discovered and taken. "Kathryn," he said softly, she looked at him. "The space will be nice," she nodded in agreement. They stared at each other and he leaned over to kiss her.

Kathryn wanted him to, but put her hand against his shoulder stopping him. The desire and building passion was felt between them. She tried to control her breathing, knowing how close they were to plunge off that cliff into a complete, intimate relationship.

"Chakotay," she said catching his gaze. "Where are we going with this?"

He looked deep into her eyes seeing the uncertainty there. "Where do you think Kathryn?" Now was the time to talk about what they were feeling and what was going to happen.

"I'm not sure," she replied softly with a shrug. "So much has happened in the two months we've been here. First we were on Voyager heading home and now - this is our new home. So much to get used to I guess."

He studied her for a moment, "Kathryn, are you afraid of me?" She glanced away not answering, he frowned, "you are, aren't you?" He sighed, "given my last career, I suppose its no surprise."

She quickly looked at him, "no Chakotay, no. I'm not - " she stopped in thought. "Now that I know you alittle better. I'm no longer afraid of you."

"Kathryn, I still don't know you," he said simply. "Although the wonderful part our situation is that we now have the time to get to know each other. As long as you open up to me, if you're curious about something, ask."

"I've been nothing but honest with you," she told him.

"I know," he replied, "and that's the best part of you." He reached out beginning to trace her face gently. He stroked over her cheekbones and down to her chin. "Your beauty is the second part."

Kathryn sat transfixed as he ran his finger over her mouth, she felt a shiver travel through her. She sighed, "I'm not beautiful Chakotay - "

He chuckled softly, "oh Kathryn, you have no idea how incredibly beautiful you are."

She shook her head, "no, I'm not. My jaw is too square, lips to thin, my eyes are set to far apart - " he placed his hand gently over her mouth quieting her.

"Kathryn," he said tenderly, "you have the biggest and most beautiful eyes I've ever seen." He leaned over placing a feather soft kiss on each of her eyes, she reached up placing a hand on his shoulder. "And your hair, so soft, so beautiful," he ran his hand through the silken strands down her back. "Your nose, it fits you," he kissed the tip tenderly. He traced her jaw, "your strength, your determination," he moved up to her mouth, "and your mouth when you smile, you light up the room and my heart." Her heart thudded in her chest, "your lips fit mine, so soft and beautiful." She sighed in response as her mouth opened to his tender touch.

"Chak - " she whispered.

"Ssh," he said softly and kissed her gently and deeply. Kathryn groaned responding, feeling him wrap his arms around her. She slid her arms around his neck pulling him closer as the kiss turned her body into putty. She clung to him feeling him slide his hands down her sides and over the curves of her breasts for the first time, she gasped in response. After several moments he kissed her face tenderly and worked his way to her throat. He whispered, "now can you see how beautiful you are?"

Kathryn tilted back her head, allowing him access to the sensitive parts of her throat and neck. He was exploring her gently as he nipped tenderly slowly arousing her to such need that turning back would be forgotten.

"Yes," she whispered, her voice husky with desire. "Yes," he gazed at her seeing her eyes full of desire and mouth swollen from his kiss. "I'm happy you cleared that up...for me." He smiled at her, "your too wonderful to me Chakotay."

His hand was caressing her jawline gently, "I want you to be happy Kathryn."

She reached up placing her hand over his, "I'm very happy Chakotay," and smiled softly. "Thank you," she added gazing into his eyes.

"Your welcome," he said and drew her into his arms, she wrapped hers around him placing her head on his shoulder. He placed a soft kiss on the top of her head and smiled, happy to hold the woman he loved.

During the next two days, they grew closer as they spent more time together talking of their families, childhood's and future on New Earth. They also started to stargaze again after dinner. She now sat close beside him with his arm wrapped around her.

They were in love, but neither had the courage to say the words yet. Kathryn was happier than she ever had been before, including her relationships with Mark and Justin. Chakotay filled a part of her soul that hadn't ever been touched before. Although they still hadn't made love, the growing desire and passion was there, it was only a matter of time.

When done with their workday, after a brief shower or wash-up, they'd take walks hand in hand out to a nearby field filled with wildflowers. Sometimes there he'd kiss her until she was breathless and gasping for more. He wanted her so badly it hurt, but would wait until she was ready.

He finished the sandpainting and surprised her with it one night after dinner. She loved the image and suggested where they could hang it. Before bed, they found the right place and hung it up. She wrapped her arms around his waist telling him it was perfect, he kissed her claiming she inspired it.

When they parted that night for bed, the longing to be together was more urgent.

Chakotay stood alongside the riverbank with his fishing pole, in deep thought. As he cast out the line again, his thoughts were on Kathryn. They were happy here finally, Kathryn had finally accepted their life here and hopefully his love for her. In the past week alone, the desire to make love was great and he was sure it'd happen before the week ended.

As he realized this, an unwelcome thought slipped into place. What if Voyager returned with a cure? He knew it wasn't possible, but what if? He knew he couldn't just tell her that they couldn't return, she'd feel obligated as would he. But, what would happen to them and the love they felt for each other if they returned to Voyager?

As much as it scared him, he knew she'd put their love aside to take charge of getting the ship home. Perhaps if they made love soon...it'd keep her heart visible, in case Voyager ever returned. He loved Kathryn deeply and the woman she was, he didn't want to see it end.

With a shake of his head, he shook that thought away and focused on catching the rest of tonight's dinner.

=/\=

Kathryn stood outside the shelter gazing around with a pile of her washed clothes next to her. She wanted to hang them up and realized there was no place to do it.

"What we need is a clothesline," she mentioned out loud to herself. She walked back into the shelter to their supply of maintenance materials. As she dug through the closet, she found a roll of twine and smiled thanking Tuvok mentally for including it. Right nearby was a container of clips to hold the clothes up on the twine.

She pulled both out and closed the closet walking back outside. As she surveyed where to hang the line, she found a tree nearby that would work for one end of the line, a corner of the shelter. She then realized in order to hang it properly, she needed Chakotay's help. With a sigh, she headed down the path to the river where he was fishing.

=/\=

Chakotay saw her emerge from the path and smiled softly, trying not to show how happy he was to see her. She had a look of determination on her face, he knew something was on her mind.

"Anything wrong?" he asked curiously as he wound back the line with the final catch.

She shook her head, "no, I just need your help with something."

He nodded, "I'll be right there," as he put the catch in the pail, he turned to pick it up and part of his foot caught on a soggy part of the bank. He fell backwards off the bank and into the water.

Kathryn blinked as she watched him fall not believing what she witnessed. Her companion and best friend had just fallen in the river. The water on the edge was low, he wasn't in danger. Probably the only thing hurt was his ego.

She felt a laugh creep up her throat, she tried to hold it back, but it burst forth and she put her hand over her mouth. "Oh - Chakotay, that was graceful!"

Chakotay smirked with a grunt watching her walk closer, the amusement of his situation seen in her eyes and face. "You should try it sometime," he responded.

Kathryn still laughed, she tried calming herself, "I'm so sorry. I couldn't help myself. I didn't expect to see that."

"You're not the only one," he said.

She had calmed a little now, she walked over to him and stood just above him on a more stable part of the bank. "Okay, here, let me help you," she extended her hand.

He stared up at her, he smiled as an idea formed. He took her hand and as soon as she had his grip, "Kathryn, be careful - "

"Why?" she asked.

"In case you fall in," he said with a slight grin.

Kathryn stared at him, she could feel him starting to pull her towards him. "Chakotay," she warned, "don't you - " and he yanked. She felt the bank leave her feet and the next thing she felt was the cool water surround her as she landed on her stomach in the water beside him. She sputtered fuming turning herself over as he started to laugh, "Chakotay!" She shook her head, "look at me! I'm soaked!"

He pulled his legs up to his chest, "oh come on Kathryn, you know you enjoyed it." She angrily splashed him in response, "hey, I have to change to."

Chakotay was enjoying this, despite how angry she was. "Kathryn - "

" - What?" she snapped as she tried to stand.

"Your beautiful when you're wet," he claimed simply.

"It won't work Chakotay," she replied and fell back into the water.

He stared at her, he reached out taking her arm, and she pulled away from him. "Kathryn, come here - "

" - No," she said, "you pulled me into the river!"

He realized she wasn't going to stop being angry anytime soon. It was time to get drastic. "Kathryn," he took her arm again and pulled her towards him, she fought him and groaned when he turned her towards him. They stared at each other and he lowered his head kissing her deeply and passionately.

Kathryn groaned again feeling his mouth on hers. She fought her response as he held her head in place. He pulled her practically on top of him and wrapped her tighter against him. Her body responding and she sighed beginning to feeling her body betraying her. She wrapped her arms around him, as his hold on her grew more gentle.

Chakotay felt her response and how her body heated up under his touch. She was practically sitting on top of him, that didn't help his own reaction, as he was hard beneath his trousers. He was sure she could feel how aroused he was and how much he wanted her.

Taking his chance, he slid a hand up and over her breast, she gasped in response, but didn't pull away. He gently stroked her over the wet dress, feeling her bud rise and harden beneath the material. He stroked it more.

Kathryn pressed her body into his hand with a groan as she felt her body shiver in the passion and desire. She felt an old familiar ache start below and clasped him tighter against her. After several minutes she managed to pull away gasping, "Chakotay, not here." He stared at her, his dark eyes filled with the passion felt. "Oh god - just, not here please."

He smiled gently at her, "okay," and pulled her to him kissing her gently again. She responded and then he looked at her, "let's get out of here and change," she nodded. He started to stand, once sure he wasn't going to fall again, he pulled her to her feet and they climbed back up to the edge. He picked up the catch and his pole, she was wringing out the skirt to her dress. "Now what is it you needed my help for?"

Kathryn stared at him and then started to laugh, "I'll tell you on the way back," he chuckled with a nod taking her hand as they headed back to the shelter.

The next day Chakotay eyed another tree in the clearing ready to take it down when he heard a rumble above him and saw the sky above him began to darken. The wind started to pick up, that's when he realized it was another plasma storm. This one was building quickly. The ground appeared to shake and lightning flashed. A tree fell nearby and he forced himself to move.

"Kathryn," he said, hoping she'd got into the shelter safely. He knew she was hanging up their clothes outside, she had a better chance at getting inside before the storm hit than he did.

The wind roared around him as the storm drifted over and picked up speed. He held onto various trees and branches guiding himself back to the shelter. Once he was in the shelter's clearing he looked around for her.

"Kathryn!" he yelled, there was no response. He made his way over to the shelter gazing in. She wasn't there. "Kathryn!" he yelled again, he turned back outside looking around as the trees fell around him. He gazed over to where the clothesline was and it was down. That's when he realized the whole tree was down and his heart skipped a beat. "Oh god, Kathryn!" He managed to get over to the clothesline, the last rumble knocking him to his knees. He crawled over to the fallen tree and began pulling away some broken branches. As he did, he found her unconscious form beneath a thick limb.

He began to move the limb and pushed it off her, "Kathryn?" He felt for her vital signs finding them weak, but steady. The storm continued to shake around them and he gently pulled her body against him. That's when he saw the bloody gash along her forehead. He cradled her body in his arms and managed to get them both into the shelter and under the table. He covered her body with his as the storm rocked the shelter and roared around them.

The storm slowly passed and was completely gone twenty minutes later. When it was quiet and safe enough, he rolled out from beneath the table and gently pulled her body out. There was still no response from her, he cradled her in his arms and carried her over into her sleeping area gently placing her on the small bed. He left and returned with a medical tricorder beginning to take her complete vitals.

Kathryn had a minor concussion, but she was well otherwise. He took a dermal regenerator from the medical kit and ran it over the gash on her forehead. As it disappeared her eyes fluttered softly. He put the regenerator away taking her hand, "Kathryn?" she still didn't wake up, he kissed her hand and held it, waiting.

=/\=

Several hours later, Kathryn moaned softly, as her eyes fluttered open. Chakotay leaned closer, "Kathryn?" he said gently. She moaned again, he gently stroked her face to bring her around. "Kathryn, open your eyes love."

She could hear him talking to her, but it was as if he was in a fog. Her head hurt as well, she could feel his soft and gentle hands on her face. She forced her eyes open, "Chak-otay?" He was blurred above her, she groaned again.

"Yes," he said gently, "yes, Kathryn."

"What happened?" she asked with a moan, her vision started to clear.

He took her hand gently, "your clothesline fell down when a plasma storm hit. Part of the tree caught you, knocking you unconscious." He trembled, "Kathryn, I was so worried I'd lose you."

She stared up at him, a soft smile formed, "you'll never lose me Chakotay." He kissed her hand gently, she started to sit up, "I bet it's a mess outside," and felt a sudden wave of nausea hit her. She groaned lying back down, "oh God, I feel sick."

"It's the concussion," he told her feeling her forehead for a fever. There wasn't any. "Just rest Kathryn, clean up will wait," she nodded and he kissed her gently, she responded then pulled away closing her eyes. He sighed, "don't sleep Kathryn - "

"I know," she groaned putting a hand to her face. "Can you get me some water please?"

"I'll be right back," he said with a nod and left. He returned a moment later with a glass and helped her sit up to take a sip. She nodded grateful and lay back down again.

For the next few hours he sat beside her to keep her talking and lucid until it was safe enough for her to sleep again. He also made her some soup when she felt hungry. It was late evening when he let her change into her nightgown. Before sleep, he took her vitals once more, kissed her goodnight and left.

=/\=

Chakotay stirred softly opening his eyes in the dark. He sighed glancing over at his chronometer, 0415. He attempted to go back to sleep but couldn't. Something didn't feel right. He thought he heard a noise outside and sat up wondering if it were Kathryn's primate friend.

He swung his legs over onto the floor looking for his slippers. He slid them on standing up and then pulled on his robe wrapping it around him. He shuffled out to the dim lit living/work space finding the shelter door open.

"Kathryn?" he asked tiredly and curious. He wandered over to her area gazing in and finding her bed empty. He turned walking outside, "Kathryn?" The night was warm and the area was bathed in pale moonlight, he spotted her walking among the broken branches and trees in her silk peach nightgown. "Kathryn," he said again walking over to her. "What are you doing out here? You should be resting." She didn't respond, he moved closer and saw her face wet in the moonlight. "Kathryn what's wrong?"

She wiped her eyes and face, sniffing, "it's no use Chakotay - "

"What?"

"Will the storm's ever stop?" she asked tearfully. "Just - just as we finally settle in, a storm comes through - to destroy it."

His heart went out to her, "oh Kathryn, we are settled," he gently pulled her into his arms holding her. She slid her arms around him, resting her head on his shoulder. He stood holding her for a few moments when he felt some heat radiating from her. He looked at her taking her warm face in his hands, "Kathryn, you're burning up - " he exclaimed worried.

"What? I am?" she asked quietly, she teetered a little on her feet.

Chakotay held her against him, even in the moonlight her expression looked glazed. He put a hand against her forehead, he could literally feel her temperature rising. "Come on," he said wrapping his arm around her waist guiding her. "Back to bed for you," she nodded slightly as he led her back into the shelter. Once inside, he put her back to bed pulling the blankets over her. He took the tricorder out reading her vitals and finding his instincts correct. Her fever was low grade, but it was rising slowly. She had fallen back to sleep immediately. He stood up walking out to the med-kit and opened it, took a hypo and loaded an analgesic onto it. He then walked back in and leaned over injecting her with it, once done he took the tricorder reading again. There was still no change.

He walked over to his sleeping area and took his blanket as well. He walked back to her and covered her with it, tucking it firmly around her. Satisfied she was warm enough, he sank down in the chair beside her, ready to wait it out, until her fever broke.

Several hours later, he opened his eyes to hear her moaning softly. He gazed over finding her shaking with chills, her arms wrapped tightly around her. He moved over beside her, "Kathryn?" she stared up at him, her brow damp with sweat.

"Co...old," she whispered, her teeth chattering. "I'm cold...Chakotay!"

He nodded, feeling her forehead. She was burning up. Obviously her temperature had risen even higher. She was sicker than he realized. "I know Kathryn, I've got to find something to bring your fever down," the meds from earlier hadn't worked. He opened the tricorder to taking a reading, her temperature was over 104, and he was worried. There was something else in the reading he couldn't understand or pinpoint. The virus they contracted on the planet was still evident, but there was something else. "I've got to check out some stuff. Will you be okay?"

She nodded shaking, "yes...hurry!"

Chakotay nodded, kissed her forehead and stood up. He walked out to the supply closet and opened it, finding two thermal blankets for cold weather. As he did, he debated whether or not to take her out to the bathtub, which was filled with her previous bath and attempt to bring her temperature down that way. The other antibiotics wouldn't work that they had, he knew he had to do something. He pulled the blankets out taking them back to her. He opened one putting it over her hoping this would contain the heat for her. She stared up at him, seeing the fear in her eyes, he tenderly stroked her face. "I'll be right back," he said gently.

He walked back out to the work area and turned on the tabletop computer Voyager had provided them before leaving. He started inputting her symptoms to see what the medical database would come back with. She was quiet, but he kept glancing over to her alcove worried. While the computer searched, he changed into his clothes and pulled on his boots. He was sitting back down when he heard her call out to him, "Chakotay! Oh god!" He stood up quickly dashing back into her. She was attempting to move and push the blankets off her. "I'm so damn cold!" A whimper escaped her, "please, let me...let me - "

Chakotay sat beside her quickly holding the blankets around her. He shook his head, "no Kathryn, no," he tried not to let the worry be heard in his voice. He was so terrified he wouldn't find a cure for her in time. "Please love, keep still and keep the blanket's on you, you've got to stay warm." She didn't respond, her head was starting to droop. "Kathryn?" Her body went limp in his arms as she slipped into unconsciousness. "Oh my spirits," he whispered, "Kathryn?" He had to find something fast, "don't die on me Kathryn. I don't think I could handle it." He lay her back down gently on the bed, stood up and left with the tricorder.

In their first few weeks on New Earth, he had spotted various flora and herbs in the forest that were indigenous to the planet. He walked quickly into the woods with her current readings and began scanning the plant life looking for the right medicinal plant that would take way the blood infection that was ravaging her body and could possibly take her life.

He gathered the various flora solutions, and headed back to the shelter with them. He placed them on the table, checked on Kathryn to find her still unconscious. He tightened the blankets around her completely and returned to the worktable, where he started to try to find the right medicinal remedy.

A few hours later, he had found a solution that he hoped would work. As quickly as possible, he extracted the plant's main base, mixing it with what he hoped was the right amount of saline solution and let it sit until the base softened and it could be mixed properly.

The process took another couple of hours, during that time he sat beside her checking her vitals. Her temperature wasn't getting higher, but it wasn't dropping either. When he stroked her face gently, she had moaned softly once, meaning she was slightly lucid.

When he checked back on the derivative, it was ready. He spun it around, watching the base mix and dissolve in the solution. Once satisfied it was blended, he took an empty cartridge and filled it then added it to the hypospray.

He walked back into her sleeping area finding her moaning again and starting to shiver. He took her vitals again, feeling her temperature rising again. It was now or never. He sat beside her, exposing her pale neck, her eyes fluttered as she whispered, "Chak - where - ?"

"Here Kathryn," he said gently putting the hypo to her neck. "You'll be okay."

She didn't hear him, she was incoherent as words tumbled out of her mouth. He administered the solution. Once done, he took the tricorder finding no change, she was still shaking and it was getting worse. Suddenly she whispered, "Chak-otay, I love - " he sat shocked, not sure if it were her or the fever talking. "You - " and slipped back into unconsciousness.

"Kathryn," he whispered, his voice breaking. "Your not going to die on me, not after all we've been through." In a last effort, he climbed onto the bed beside her and then covered his body with hers to give her some of his own body heat. He wrapped his arms around her burying his face in her neck and hair. She was still shaking. He closed his eyes willing her to stop. "I love you too Kathryn, please don't die," he pleaded. He closed his eyes kissing her neck gently.

=/\=

Kathryn moaned softly, feeling weight on top of her. She tried to lift her head and couldn't. Her head throbbed with a headache. She groaned again, wondering what was holding her down and forced her eyes to open.

The room was dim lit, but she could barely see through the window it was at least early afternoon. Her vision blurred, as she squinted to clear it and senses returned. She sighed hearing a soft snore she glanced to the side and found Chakotay's head nestled on her shoulder.

What happened? She asked herself curious.

She smirked, she wanted to wake him up, but decided to let him sleep a few minutes more. As much as she tried to deny it, his weight felt good against her, although he was asleep. She realized he must have loved her so much. He literally shared his body heat with hers in an effort to save her. She then wrapped her arms around him, gently holding him placing a soft kiss on his face as her heart swelled with the love she felt for him.

"Oh Chakotay," she whispered softly, "what would I do without you?" She held him for a moment more, then she realized she was starting to get hot and her throat felt dry. She rubbed his back, gently saying, "Chakotay, wake up." He stirred softly, she caressed the back of his neck stroking with her fingertips. "Chakotay - "

Chakotay slowly opened his eyes to Kathryn's voice, he groaned as he felt her cool hand on the back of his neck. Thinking he was dreaming, he sighed, lifting his head he said, "Kathryn?"

"Yes, Chakotay?" she replied softly.

That's when he realized he wasn't dreaming. He lifted his head completely, gazing into her blue eyes that were now clear and wide. She smiled up at him, "Kathryn?" he repeated.

"Yes, Chakotay?" she said again.

"Kathryn, my spirits!" he said in response again, she laughed softly. It was music to his ears.

"Would you mind getting off me?" she asked. "I don't think this bed was made for two."

He immediately took her face in his hands, finding her temperature normal, the fever had broke. "Your okay?"

She nodded, "yes, aside from a headache and being thirsty."

Chakotay stroked her face tenderly, "I was so worried Kathryn. You were so sick, I thought I was going to lose you."

"I could feel you," she said softly. "I knew I wasn't alone. What did you do?"

He shrugged, "I found a similar antibiotic to penicillin since the ones in our medical kit didn't work," he said. "I used an herbal remedy I found here. I think my step-grandfather would have been proud," she smiled. He smiled tenderly, "I'm so happy your okay Kathryn," he lowered his head, kissing her softly. She responded, holding him against her.

Kathryn felt her headache intensify and she was getting hot with all the blankets plus him on top of her. She pulled away, "Chakotay - please. It's too hot - get off me, please."

He nodded, "okay," and slowly rolled off her and stood up. She attempted to sit up, he leaned down helping her, propping her up against a pillow and the headboard he made for her. He then opened the tricorder taking her new vitals, everything was normal, he was grateful. She brushed her hair out of her face, "are you hungry?"

"A little," she replied with a nod. "I'm more thirsty. What about the storm damage? It must be a mess out there."

He glanced at her, "that was the last thing on my mind Kathryn."

"Well, I'll help to clean - "

Chakotay shook his head, "oh no you don't Kathryn. Your staying put for the rest of the day. Cleanup will wait until tomorrow." He closed the tricorder standing, "I want you to rest, you've been through alot."

She smirked, staring up at him, "yes, sir."

He grinned down at her, "just rest. I'll be right back." She nodded and he kissed her gently once more and left.

Chakotay made sure she rested most of the day and kept her company. After dinner, she fell back to sleep promising to help with the clean up the next day.

Later that night, Chakotay stirred from a deep sleep opening his eyes. He felt the need to check on her, to be sure she was okay. He pushed the bedcovers back and swung his feet onto the floor, standing. After pulling on his robe, he wandered out into the work area and stopped, he saw her standing in the doorway.

Kathryn stood in her nightgown, her hair was pulled behind her and tied with a ribbon. He quietly walked over to her, "Kathryn?"

She glanced over at him, "why aren't you asleep?"

He shrugged, standing behind her sliding his arms around her waist. She leaned against his body, loving the feel. "I knew you were up. Why aren't you asleep?"

"I feel fine," she replied softly, "thanks to you." He tenderly placed a kiss on the tip of her shoulder. She felt a shiver pass through her. She turned into his arms wrapping hers around him, she stared up at him, the words wanting to come. He reached out stroking her face, she leaned into his hand, "Chakotay, you mean so much to me."

"Kathryn," he whispered, his heart aching to tell her how much he loved her. He leaned down kissing her gently, she responded, holding him against her. He wanted her, but knew it'd have to wait, he pulled away gazing at her, "we should get back to bed."

She admired him for his enormous control, she reached up placing her hand over his. "Chakotay, hold me tonight, please."

He was unsure, "Kathryn - "

"Just hold me," she repeated firmly. "I know the bed is small, but - "

"Okay," he said. "Yours or mine?"

"Yours," she replied, wanting to be surrounded by him in both the physical and mental.

"Then let's go to bed," he said pulling away, but taking her hand. She closed the door, then let him lead her into his sleeping alcove. He first rearranged the blankets, he settled up against the frosted partition on his side. She then joined him also on her side. He pulled the blanket over them wrapping his arms around her as they snuggled on the same pillow. "Comfortable?"

She nodded, "yes, your warmth feels good," he kissed her neck. She felt herself falling asleep finally. "Goodnight, Chakotay."

"Goodnight, Kathryn," he said and they both drifted off to sleep.

The next day both took to cleaning up the fallen branches and trees in the area. Chakotay cut and kept the undamaged logs for future use. He didn't tell her, but he planned on making them a larger bed when the time came. The night before lead him to believe they'd be spending more nights together. Although they still hadn't made love, it was only a matter of time.

During the next week, they returned to their regular life of her tending her garden, his gathering food and the two of them spending the nights in his bed, falling asleep in each other's arms. Kathryn was aware of the growing desire between them, although she could feel each morning, against her back just how much he wanted her, he never tried to force anything on her. Her own desire for him was turning into a hunger.

She decided to let him know she was ready within the next few days. One day, while he was out working in the woods, she opened the medicine cabinet finding the supply of boosters for both of them provided by the Doctor. She smirked, wondering if the Doctor realized that's what they would need when they were ready to become intimate. He obviously knew it was inevitable. There was a supply long enough to last them at least a couple of years. Then they'd be on their own. Perhaps ready for children at that point.

She debated about administering her next dose since her last one was just before she left Voyager the last time. She decided to use it. When she and Chakotay did become intimate, she wanted him to herself for awhile, before letting a child into the picture.

Kathryn loaded a hypo and put it to her neck administering it. His hadn't been touched yet, but even if he didn't use his, at least she was protected to a certain point. Once done, she put the hypo back, closed the cabinet and left to join him by the river where he was working or fishing.

Two days later after she had finished working in her garden, she felt hot enough to go wade in the river. Chakotay was working on a new sandpainting inside and she wanted the time to think. She told him where she was going and left.

When she arrived at the river, she removed her shoes and pulled the skirt of her dress over her knees and tucked two sides into the waistband of her panties. She stepped down into the cool rushing water and entered the river slowly as she became used to the temperature.

She sighed with the pleasure tilting back her head as she began to think how close they came that morning. They kept kissing, as she let him stroke her slowly awake, he managed to pull away when he realized how close he was to taking her then. He pulled back, staring down at her, seeing the desire in her eyes and face. He stroked her face tenderly and kissed her gently once more before getting off the bed. She sat up, watching him as he pulled on his robe and quickly left the room. She had gone to find him, to find out why he left and found he was gone somewhere in the woods. She guessed to take care of his need.

That's when she knew she had to let him know she was ready to make love. She smiled softly as ideas swam through her head.

=/\=

Chakotay straightened from the sandpainting, checking it to be sure it was right. As he worked, his mind was on this morning. He knew she was ready, could feel the heat and desire as she responded to his touch and kiss. He was ready to make love to her then, but got scared, suddenly realizing he hadn't taken his booster and where their relationship was about to go. As much as he hated it, he kissed her quickly and left the shelter, running quickly into the woods to relieve himself.

When he returned she had already dressed and was getting breakfast ready. She smiled at him. He returned her smile with one of his own, apologizing for his abrupt departure. She had told him she understood, he kissed her again and left to dress.

Now that she was taking time out by the river, he decided to take the booster. In case the same thing happened tonight or the next morning, he'd be able to feel secure enough to make love to her like he wanted.

Once he had it administered, he decided to go bring her back for lunch, actually a late lunch, or even better bring it to her as it was slightly cooler by the river. Satisfied with that idea, he gathered some fruit, raw vegetables that included carrots and celery, a dip, two glasses and a container of iced tea. He put everything in a wicker basket and headed out to the river with the impromptu picnic lunch and a blanket.

When he emerged from the path, his eyes scanned the area for her. He spotted her along the edge, casually walking. He felt his desire for her return when he saw her long shapely legs under her hiked up skirt. She was a vision in the sunlight, with her hair braided over her shoulder and a soft smile on her face. He couldn't believe that almost two week's before she lay with a high fever, near death. He was sure luck was shining on him because her life had been saved, almost to the hour. He just knew if she had died that night, it would have literally killed him.

He shook the memory off and strode over to where she was, "do you realize how beautiful you look like that?" he asked her smiling.

Kathryn gasped looking up to find Chakotay standing with a wicker basket, blanket a smile. Her thoughts interrupted, she realized she hadn't seen or heard him approach. She smiled softly at him, "what's this?" She indicated to the basket.

"Lunch," he replied. "I thought a picnic by the river would be a nice change."

Kathryn smiled brightly as her eyes glowed, "that's a wonderful idea."

"I thought so too," he said and put the basket down. He began to spread the blanket around. As he did, he watched her start to climb up the edge. "Need help?"

She shook her head, "no, I'm fine." He nodded, as she did she caught his brief glance at her as she had to pull her skirt higher over her knees in order to not step on it. She smirked at him and reached the top, once there she lowered the skirt completely and stepped over to the blanket sinking beside him on her knees. "I haven't been on a picnic since I was a kid," she claimed.

"With your family?" he asked curious.

"Once," she shrugged, "and another time with a childhood friend." She paused a moment, "but this is my first time with - " he looked at her as she debated her next word. "My lover," she finished.

Chakotay leaned over kissing her deeply, she responded wrapping an arm around his neck as he pulled her closer. After several minutes, he kissed her face gently, whispering, "oh Kathryn, do you realize how much I want you?"

She nodded as they gazed at each other, "yes," she whispered. She reached up cupping the side of his face, "soon," he kissed her hand. After a moment, she sighed, "let's eat."

He nodded and opened the basket, she sat back with her legs tucked behind her. He then gave her some tea and placed the dip between them and proceeded to get the rest of the food ready.

=/\=

That night she began to stargaze again and he thought of a boat he could make for them to explore the river. The temptation was too strong for them at that point, so he decided to leave her be. Although he ached to go and sit with her, he just knew what would happen if he did.

Kathryn wondered why he didn't join her that evening. She lay stretched out on the blanket with her arms pillowed behind her, staring up in thought. She still wondered where Voyager was and how they were getting along.

Her thoughts then turned to Chakotay, who was still in the shelter. She knew he wanted to join her, but stayed inside nonetheless. She wondered if she should share his bed tonight knowing what might happen. Her body hungered more and more for him as their love grew with each passing day.

She never expected to fall in love with her former first officer, but since that night she finally accepted her fate on New Earth and he held her...it felt as if she'd come home. He made her feel beautiful and secure, and now deeply loved. Kathryn groaned, rolling over onto her stomach gazing up at the lit open doorway to the shelter. She was tempted to go inside to show him she was ready, but couldn't seem to find the courage.

An hour later, she decided to try to sleep, perhaps in her own bed alone. She pulled herself to her feet and picked up the blanket, folding it. She walked over and into the shelter finding him not working, but leaning against the table. Their eyes caught and her heart skipped a beat as she felt like her breath was sucked from her.

"Chakotay," she whispered as he moved towards her.

"Kathryn," he said, his voice deep with desire as he stood in front of her. He took her face in his hands, his thumbs stroking her cheekbones. He felt her tremble at his touch. "You're so beautiful," and kissed her deeply. She responded, dropping the blanket and wrapping her arms around him as the kiss became passionate burning their souls. After several minutes, he kissed her face and neck as she buried her face in his neck. She slid her hands up his back and he felt himself shiver, he could feel every contour of her body against his beneath the dress. He made her look at him, "only if you want to Kathryn," he said gently. "I won't force you."

She stared up at him, wanting him so badly, she sighed, "Chakotay, everything's happened so fast. Is it right that we feel this much for each other so soon?"

Chakotay smiled tenderly, "I don't know. I just know how I feel about you."

Kathryn moved to cup his face, he took her hand kissing the inside of her wrist. She closed her eyes. "Touch me," she breathed. He gazed at her. "Please Chakotay," she took his hand placing it near a breast. "Whatever happens, happens."

"Oh Kathryn," he said and kissed her gently slowly letting his hand slide down, cupping her breast.

That's when the passion overwhelmed them, he kissed her deeper and harder, guiding her up against the nearest wall. She groaned feeling the wall and his hands slide down her, pulling the skirt up. He pulled away kissing her neck and throat, his hands finding her panties beneath the skirt. He could feel the heat from her and began to pull her panties down, her hands were on his trousers.

Kathryn helped him remove her panties and he kissed her passionately again as he opened her mouth, letting his tongue taste hers. She was already gasping as she could feel how aroused he was. She hungered for him even more so knowing this. "Now!" she commanded harshly, he lifted her up against the wall. She wrapped her legs around his waist. He kissed her again while adjusting himself against her, she groaned urging against him.

Chakotay gazed into her eyes, seeing the desire and passion there. She gripped his shoulders waiting for him to bring them together. She gave a slight nod and he moved his hips up, sinking himself deep within her velvety warmth. She was a little tight from the past two years of celibacy as he discovered, he groaned.

Kathryn cried out softly, feeling him join them deeply. She clung to him tightly. He kissed her again beginning to move up against her, she groaned as he continued to move hard and deep. This wasn't the way she had planned their first time, but it was satisfying the hunger they felt for each other.

Chakotay couldn't believe it had finally come to this moment, as he held the woman he loved, the woman who had changed his life, in his arms. He planned to make gentle love to her the first time, not this frantic lovemaking against a wall, but his own desire and hunger got in the way. He could feel her digging her nails into his shoulders as he continued to pound her harder against the wall. His skin was turning slick from the passion as his shirt began to cling to him, her hands clutched him more, he groaned again.

"I love you," he whispered moving harder, holding her backside firmly in place. She rocked her hips against his groaning, her muscles began to tighten around him. 

"Chak - " she groaned biting her lip. The feeling of him inside her as he moved was incredible. She felt the ache begin in the pit of her stomach, wanting to bring them both to release quickly. "Faster!" He started to obey, she cried out again, he kissed her again as their tongues meshed. "I love...you..." she groaned against his mouth. He pulled her away from the wall holding her tightly against him and lowered her to the table. She arched her hips against his as he began to thrust harder, and she began to scream in the pleasure as he filled her completely.

He felt how her muscles clenched him harder and tighter, he began to move faster to bring them both to completion. Her body slid back some, he held her hips, pulling her down closer and harder. He couldn't wait much longer and she was close as well, he buried his face against her damp neck and throat, plunging harder until he felt her muscles grab him tightly. She cried out as her body shuddered around his. She clung to him gasping and felt him shudder against her, he groaned her name, feeling his life spill into hers warming her.

Kathryn gasped, catching her breath as he collapsed against her, also catching his breath. She held him, gently kissing his neck, stroking his back as her senses returned. She gazed around, realizing they were on the table. She sighed still keeping her legs around his waist. He lifted his head a moment later gazing at her, "you okay?"

She nodded, "yes," he kissed her tenderly, she responded, lifting her head.

Chakotay kissed her nose gently and looked at her smiling softly, "you know I didn't plan it to happen this way."

"I know," she replied, "neither did I."

"I've just wanted you so much," he said, "and I couldn't help myself - " she put her hand to his mouth quieting him.

"Chakotay," she said softly, "I wanted the same thing." She sighed, "but shouldn't we really find someplace more comfortable?"

He chuckled with a nod, "I think so," he kissed her softly again and lifted her up slowly. She remained wrapped around him, as he managed to move them into his room with his trousers around his knees. He lowered her to the bed, removing his trousers and shoes. She sat up, pulling her dress off, then her bra. He joined her on the small bed as she helped push his shirt off his shoulders baring him completely. He lowered himself to her, kissing her again as she responded and they continued to make the slow gentle love they had planned.

After, they lay spooned together beneath his blanket sated and happy. He kissed the nape of her neck brushing her hair to the side. She sighed contented, his arms encircled her lovingly, "comfortable?" he asked her softly.

She nodded, "yes, very." She turned slightly into his arms smiling. He gazed at her in the dim light as she reached up stroking his tattoo gently and then reaching down to his mouth tracing it. "So beautiful," she whispered softly.

He kissed her hand, "I love you Kathryn, so much."

"I love you too," she replied, he kissed her gently, she responded. A moment later, she gazed deeply into his eyes. "Chakotay, this is a bit early, but I was curious - " she stopped with a shake of her head.

Chakotay stared at her, "what Kathryn?" She smirked at him, he held her closer curious. "Kathryn, love, what?"

She sighed, she ran her fingertip down his throat to his chest. "I - I just wondered about children, that's all."

He grinned, "is that all?" She nodded, "oh my love, I'd love for us to have children."

"What about the virus?" she asked him. "What if it's given to them? What - "he kissed her again silencing her. She responded with a soft moan.

Chakotay let their tongues mesh gently as she turned fully into his arms, he slid his hand down her smooth bare back. He gazed at her, "we'll worry about that when the time arrives, okay?" She nodded and embraced him. He held her, "my next project will be a bed, a larger one." She laughed softly and they continued to hold each other until they fell asleep.

The next morning they woke to more lovemaking, afterwards he made them breakfast. She took a shower and emerged glowing, he smiled kissing her gently. She responded and told him she'd be working in the garden and left.

Once she'd left, Chakotay opened up the computer, even though he said his next project would be a larger bed, he wanted to start the design on the boat, first. He already had the plans for the bed in his mind.

Outside, Kathryn worked on the tomatoes smiling, and in deep thought over the previous night. She was happier now than she ever was before, especially now that they've consummated their relationship and declared their love. She felt like an enormous weight had finally been lifted from her, she finally felt alive.

Discovering last night and this morning that Chakotay was an experienced, but gentle and passionate lover. They spent the morning exploring and enjoying each other's bodies. It left them both spent and exhausted as they held each other. She was ready to nap again, when he pulled away to make them breakfast. She wondered if he was always this energetic after lovemaking.

She shook her head in amazement and suddenly felt his gentle hands on her shoulders. She smiled, looking up at him as he sank down on his knees still massaging her neck, she groaned in the pleasure.

"Your not going to run away this time," he asked softly, his voice deep. " Are you?"

Kathryn shook her head with a soft laugh, "oh no."

"Good," he chuckled as he continued to massage her neck and shoulders. They sat there quietly as she let him work her muscles. "How're the tomatoes?"

"Coming along," she replied softly and dropped her head forward letting his fingers reach the inner cords of her neck. She groaned, "that feels so good, Chakotay." She felt a shiver run through her and tilted her head back against his chest. He smiled down at her and kissed her gently. She responded and he pulled away, she opened her eyes, "other than doing this, why aren't you working?"

"I couldn't stay away from you," he replied.

She smirked, "Chakotay you're a hopeless romantic - "

"Proud of it," he claimed, she laughed and reached up to his head pulling him down for another kiss. He complied, his hands leaving her shoulders to slide down around her waist. As he did, they brushed the curves of her breasts and she shivered, wanting him again. He felt his own arousal spring to life again, he pulled her up onto her knees as she turned around in his arms, the kiss becoming deeper. Suddenly they heard the cry of her primate, he pulled away glancing over. The little brown primate stood nearby looking at them curiously, "we're busy, do you mind?"

Kathryn laughed, "Chakotay, he doesn't know - "

He gazed at her, "of course he knows Kathryn. Perhaps he can see the love I have for you and," he slid his hands down to her backside caressing gently. "How much I want you - "

"We're that obvious?" she asked and gasped feeling his hands slide beneath her skirt and into her panties.

"Simple biology, my love," he whispered desirably trailing a hand around to her front and sliding further down into the soft recess. She was already warm and aroused, he continued to caress her as she groaned, clinging tightly to him. He gazed back over to the primate, "go away," he ordered, the primate turned and left. He returned his attention back to Kathryn, who obviously didn't notice or mind. He wanted to pleasure her alittle before taking her again. He kissed her deeply as he continued to caress and stroke her. Her bud was swollen and hot from her arousal, he began to kiss her face and throat whispering, "open up to me Kathryn, let me in."

"What?" she asked gasping and groaned feeling his fingers wanting to probe her. She then understood what he meant and parted her legs. Once she did he slid two fingers deep inside her, she groaned as her hips arched to his hand. He started to stroke her deeply, his breath growing in gasps as her muscles began to clench him. "Chak-oh god!"

"Do you want me to stop?" he asked thickly.

Kathryn's body shuddered against his hand, she wanted more. She shook her head, "no," and groaned feeling her body shudder again. "I want you - inside, please - "

"I am, my love," he told her, "just relax," she was tightening up some. He felt her tighten more and moved his hand faster. He wanted to bring her to climax soon because he wouldn't be able to take much more. She was clutching him and moaning, she was ready, her muscles were clenching him completely. "Let it go Kathryn, just let it go." She cried out again feeling his fingers plunge deeper and harder. Suddenly she gave a small wail and cry as her body shuddered deeply against his hand, she embraced him gasping. He removed his hand holding her, she whimpered softly as he stroked her back. "Are you okay?"

She sighed, "yes, just - I've never felt anything like that before."

"Oh Kathryn," he said gently. He held her gently and lowered her to the soft grass, she stared up at him as he tenderly wiped a tear from her face. "I love you, I don't ever want this to end."

She shook her head, "neither do I Chakotay," she ran her hands up his back. "I love you, I never thought I would."

"I know," he nodded, "it took me by surprise too," she smiled. "It took us less than three months - "

She frowned, "has it been that long?" He nodded, she slid her legs around his hips, and he adjusted himself as he pulled the skirt up around her hips. She urged against him still, "make love to me Chakotay - "

"Here?" he asked, shocked.

She nodded, "yes, my furry friend won't bother us for awhile. I promise."

Chakotay kissed her gently, she responded and felt him pull her panties down. She helped him by lifting her hips. Once they were off, he knelt unfastening his trousers, she sat up helping him, and his hardened member greeted her. She began to stroke him gently, he groaned, "Kathryn - " she was opening the bottom of his shirt, kissing around his naval on his flat stomach and slowly working down. He ran his hands through her hair, closing his eyes he groaned as he felt her start to stroke him and take him in her mouth. His body shuddered as his release built, he gripped her hair gently as the pleasure coursed through him. "I love you," he whispered, the desire heard in his voice.

Kathryn pulled back staring up at him. He then sat back on his knees pulling her up to him. They kissed deeply again as she arranged herself on his knees, placing his erection against her as he supported her. Once arranged, she lowered herself down onto him with a soft groan. She tilted back her head as he kissed her throat, nipping it gently. She began to move against him slowly, he held her hips guiding her. She lifted her head as they stared at each other, she slid her arms up to his shoulders, gripping them. The ache was starting to build, she moaned softly.

"You're so beautiful," he whispered, loving the look of desire on her face.

"Chakotay," she groaned, still moving against him. Kathryn bit her lip feeling the ache build and tighten; she wanted to hold it off as long as she could. She wrapped her arms tightly around him biting into his shoulder, moaning loving the feel of him.

Chakotay held her tightly, letting her lead for right now, his own climax building. He felt her nipping at his shoulder and ran his hand into her soft hair, gripping it gently. He wished there was a blanket for her to lie on, but this wasn't planned and they'd have to make due. He held her and decided to take over by lowering her gently to the soft grass. He kissed her deeply, beginning to move deeper and faster. She cried out softly against his mouth, arching up against him more, wanting to feel him completely.

He slid his hands down to her waist and gently pulled part of her skirt beneath her to protect her from the dirt and other small mites. He began to kiss her face gently as she sighed holding him. He worked his way down to her neck and throat, slowly working to the opening of her dress, wanting to savor each of her breasts. She sighed as he continued to move against her, he had all he could do not to rip open the dress to get to the rest of her.

Instead, he knelt and lifted her legs up over his shoulders, she groaned, arching her back as he began to move harder. His own release was building as was hers; he leaned down kissing her deeply and passionately. She responded, holding his face in her hands as their tongues meshed. He was plunging harder and deeper filling her completely, her legs were over his shoulders as he completely buried himself in her. Her body shuddered around his deeply as she clutched him, beginning to cry out.

Chakotay groaned as his release built, he buried his face against her breasts, pounding her as she continued to scream now. Her muscles were clenching him tighter as her own release built. When she came, she arched her back, wrapping her arms around him. His orgasm followed, as he cried out her name with a groan, his life spilling into her deeply and he collapsed against her, his breath coming in gasps.

Kathryn sighed softly, rolling her head back on the grass, she felt her senses return from their passionate lovemaking. That's when she realized her legs were still over his shoulders and how he buried his face in her neck.

She needed to put her legs down because they were growing numb. She stroked his back gently, "Chakotay - "

He sighed, placing a kiss on her neck, "yes, my love."

"My legs?" she asked.

Chakotay lifted his head still heady from the passion. He felt and saw her legs over his shoulders, he glanced down at her as she smirked up at him. "Oh, I'm sorry," he rose gently and lowered them back down. As he did, he kissed the insides of her thighs, she sighed softly. She pulled her skirt completely down as he lay beside her and took her in his arms. "So much for using a bed," he quipped.

Kathryn laughed softly, "oh, but that's for the other times." She propped herself up on his chest, her hair tumbled down onto it. "Hungry?"

Chakotay stared at her, "is that a trick question?" She shook her head, "alright, I'll make us something to eat." She kissed him gently and reached for her panties as she sat up, he sat up as well. He stood up before her, after he fastened his trousers and he glanced down. Kathryn was sitting with her legs curled beside her beneath the skirt, he offered his hand. She took it and he pulled her to her feet and then against him, wrapping his arm around her waist. He kissed her forehead gently, "I love you Kathryn."

She leaned against him sliding her arm around his waist. "I love you too, Chakotay."

He steered them back to the shelter, "at least we found another good use for that garden."

She gasped, shocked, "Chakotay!" He chuckled and she laughed softly as they headed inside.

The next three days they returned to their regular chores, although one afternoon while he fished for their upcoming dinner, she took to wading in the river. He loved watching her, she teased him by showing him alittle more leg and that she was wearing nothing else beneath the dress.

He had all he could do not to take her there, but he resisted the urge planning to make passionate love to her that night. After dinner and cleanup they headed to bed where he did make love to her. She clung tightly to him in the passion as he brought her screaming her love and pleasure for him.

Each night was spent in the tenderness and passion they felt.

Chakotay stood before the boat design on the computer, pleased that he'd be able to make this. He stood with his hands on his hips making sure it all worked as he studied it. Satisfied it would, he wanted to show Kathryn the design and get her opinion as well. He headed outside to the garden where she was working.

Once he stepped outside, he took a moment to admire her lying before the tomatoes working the soil with a cup of coffee beside her. He sighed and walked over to her, "how are they coming?"

She smiled glancing up at him, "very nicely. We should have vine ripened Talaxian tomatoes in a couple of months. Unless this planet has the equivalent of tomato buds. They're awful."

He smiled squatting beside her, "I never thought you as a gardener." She looked at him swallowing her coffee, "I grew up around farmers," and reached forward again, putting her hand in the soil.

Chakotay took a sideways glance at how her hip curved beneath the soft blue dress she was wearing. The opening to the dress allowed a peek of her breasts as she moved her arms. He felt his ache start all over again, would there ever be a time he didn't want her?

Her talking brought him back to the present, "my parents insisted we learn some basic gardening skills."

He smiled glancing at her, "did you hate that as much as camping?"

Kathryn smirked, "of course! Who wanted to muck around the dirt when you could be studying quantum mechanics?" she asked with a laugh. He chuckled, she propped herself up on her hip more, "but," she smiled fully in thought, he felt himself fall deeper in love with her seeing the contented look on her face. "I find it very satisfying now, watching the seeds sprout and grow." He wondered if she were still thinking of children, her face became thoughtful.

They were quiet for a moment, he decided to change the subject, "if your tomatoes could spare you for a minute, I'd like your opinion on something in the house."

She looked at him beginning to rise, he started to, "you've come to the right person," she quipped as they stood brushing the dirt off their hands. "I always have an opinion."

He smiled looking at her, "really?" She laughed, leaning into him and putting her hand on his chest as they headed inside. Once inside, he led her over to the table where the computer was, she reached out grabbing a towel for her hands. "What do you think?" he asked her showing her the boat design.

"A boat!" she said somewhat breathless.

He nodded, "you said you wanted to explore the river. I think I could build this."

She studied it, he couldn't help but lean into her now. She was like a magnet. He smiled, putting a hand on his hip, "we could go on a camping trip," she said smiling.

"I'm not sure if we could fit the bathtub in the boat," he grinned, seeing her delight.

She smiled, "well, that's alright. I'll have the river," at that moment Chakotay couldn't help but see the image of her bathing before him in the river. The image itself was enough to add to his arousal. Suddenly, out of the quiet and their laughter, static was heard. She lifted her head, "do you hear that?"

It was right then he knew. Knew it was over. Voyager was coming back for them. He tried not to act like it was a big deal, he looked in the same direction, "yes." As much as he hated it, he moved away and walked over to where their commbadges were left on a shelf. He picked them up listening, it was Tuvok hailing them, and he glanced over at her.

Kathryn felt her throat tighten, she forced herself to move over to the other table and sat down where he placed the badges in front of her. With each second, Tuvok's voice was becoming clearer. She was tempted not to answer, but knew she couldn't do that. Her heart beat wildly as she felt a sadness grow within her. It had happened again, just as she found peace it was ripped away from her.

She swallowed and picked up the commbadge activating it, "this is Janeway," she tried to keep her voice steady.

"Captain," Tuvok replied, "it's good to hear your voice. We have news."

"What is it?" she asked, already knowing.

"We have medicine," he replied, "we believe that will effectively treat your condition." She raised her eyes, "we plan to be in orbit within thirty hours."

Kathryn glanced up at Chakotay, her heart hammering in her chest and her throat starting to constrict with grief at what she was losing. He sighed softly, looking at her as their eyes met and they both knew.

She forced herself to speak, "we'll be ready. Janeway out," and put the badge down gently on the table. They were quiet for several moments, letting the news sink in. She sighed, "we should start to pack, there's not much time."

Chakotay reached over taking her hand, "we have plenty of time." She didn't answer, instead she stood up and walked out of the house. He immediately followed her and found her standing with her arms wrapped around her, looking around. He walked up behind her, "Kathryn -?"

"It's happened again," she said softly. "We got comfortable and its all taken away."

"No," he said gently and slid his arms around her drawing her against him. "No, my love, even though we'll be back on the ship, things won't change between us."

She nodded, "yes it will Chakotay," he tightened his hold around her waist. They had been lovers less than a week and now...she fought the tears that threatened to come. After they returned to the ship, all they could be was just friends, until they made it home. She wasn't sure if she could handle it. She sighed, her voice shook, "I'm afraid Chakotay."

He kissed the back of her neck gently, "afraid of what, my love?"

"Losing myself," she whispered, "in command. Losing who I am."

"That'll never happen to you," he said gently. "I know you Kathryn, better than you know yourself." She smiled softly as the tears slid quietly down her face. She blinked them back, "and I'll be there for you, always." He heard a choked sob, he gently turned her in his arms, and she wrapped hers around him putting her head on his shoulder. They stood there for several minutes as he let her recompose herself. He gently stroked her back, waiting until he was sure. "You'll always be Kathryn to me, even on the bridge. I love you, don't ever forget it."

She held him tighter, "promise to remind me when I do start to forget?" She asked sniffing, "okay?"

He made her look at him smiling gently, he tenderly stroked her tears away from her face. "How do you want to be reminded?"

Kathryn laughed softly through her tears, "oh, I have many ways!" He chuckled, she wiped her face, "just make me see what I'm doing wrong." He nodded, she whispered her voice breaking, "and I love you too, Chakotay."

"Kathryn," he said gently and kissed her softly, she responded clinging to him as they held each other. He reached up taking her face in his hands and gazed deeply at her, "everything will be okay."

She nodded placing her hands over his, "I know." He kissed her nose and forehead, she sighed feeling her emotions coming under control. "I think we should start packing. You know Tuvok, he'll be here on time."

"Okay," he agreed, "come on," he slid his arm around her waist leading her inside. She wrapped hers around his and walked with him.

=/\=

The packing was pretty much done by the time he had dinner ready. He made up a special meal for their last night on the planet. He replicated a bottle of champagne and lit candles to add to the ambiance.

Kathryn finished packing her clothes and belongings except for the dress she wore, her nightgown and her uniform, which sat folded on the bed. She could see him getting dinner ready, she was about ready to join him.

He was handling their return well since finding out, she was a wreck inside. She didn't know how he was handling it. With a sigh, she turned and stepped out into the work area finding the table covered with a white linen table cloth, candles, white china and champagne glasses. The lights were low and he stood in his white pullover top and dark brown trousers. She forced a smile, "what's all this?"

Chakotay walked over to her taking her hands, "to remember our last night." She trembled, "no crying Kathryn. I want to remember this night as one of our happy moments here. One of many."

She nodded, "I promise, no crying," he pulled her up against him, kissing her. She responded, wrapping her arms around him. After a moment she looked at him, "what's for dinner?" Chakotay smiled and led her over to the table.

After dinner, he handed her a medium carved wooden barrette that had a wooden pin through it and some intricate carving and lettering on it. She studied it in the candlelight running her fingertip gently over the lettering that was written in his native language. She looked at him, "what's it mean?"

He reached over taking her hand gently, "it means 'my love forever'." She smiled and he told her in his language, he then leaned over kissing her. She responded holding his hand and the barrette, he looked at her. "Wear it to remind me of now Kathryn, while on duty."

"My hair down?" she asked shocked.

He shrugged, "yes, why not?"

She thought for a moment, "I don't know. I guess I'm so used to wearing it up." 

"Well, when your ready to wear it down," he said. "I'd like to see it."

Kathryn nodded, "you will," and squeezed his hand gently. She sighed, "I need to be alone for awhile, okay?"

Chakotay nodded, "okay," she stood up and walked back into her sleeping area. He sat for a moment, then decided to clean up. He stood picking up the plates and glasses and walked over to the sink.

After he'd cleaned up, changed and checked for any last items to be packed, he decided to go find her. He walked out in his pajama bottoms and over to her sleeping area. "Kathryn?" He saw it empty, his eye caught her uniform ready for the next day. He glanced around for her and realized where she was. He pulled the blanket off her bed and headed outside. Once he closed the door, he saw her sitting in the moonlight gazing up at the sky. Her hair was brushed out down her back and she wore the peach nightgown. He approached slowly, "Kathryn, you okay?"

She glanced over at him over her shoulder, "yes, you?"

He shrugged sitting beside her with the extra blanket, the night was warm. "Fine," he replied. She stared at him in the moonlight. A moment later he sighed, "I'm just going to miss our life here Kathryn," she reached out, gently caressing his bare back. "I know you are too, but we have to go back, as much as we don't want to."

She nodded, "that's why I'm out here, to just remember," he wrapped his arm around her. She slid closer snuggling against him. Then she sighed, "Chakotay?"

"Yes, my love?"

"If," she started softly, he looked down at her. "If you find some - "

Chakotay shook his head, turning to her, "no Kathryn, there'll be no one else but you. Even though I'll have to wait longer to make us legal."

Kathryn felt her eyes burn with tears, "oh Chakotay, I can't let you - " he kissed her deeply, she responded as the tears slid down her face mixing with their kiss. She held his face in her hands as he wrapped her closer, practically pulling her on top of him. She could feel his arousal and her own start, she groaned wrapping her arms around him. She tilted back her head as he gently kissed her throat. "We can't anymore - " he kissed her again, she responded.

He took over and lowered her to the blanket pressing his body against hers. He kept kissing her, sliding his hands down the smooth silk of her nightgown caressing. He felt her shiver knowing how much she wanted him, although she was fighting it. He began to kiss her face as she held him, he whispered, "Kathryn, love, this is our last night here - "

" - Chakotay," she whispered, "we can't do this on board - "

He stopped, gazing at her, "we're not on board yet." He tenderly caressed her face, "Kathryn, we both need this night, to remember." Tears glistened in her eyes still, "I love you and only you. We both need this."

"I love you," she whispered, "don't ever let the captain forget."

He shook his head, "I won't. I promise."

Kathryn stared up at him knowing she was going to miss the feel of him for months to come; it was going to hurt like hell. She reasoned that as long as he was beside her, she'd be able to cope. He was right, they both needed this night to remember for a long time.

She slid her hands up his back, his skin smooth and warm, "make love to me," she whispered, "please."

Chakotay smiled softly and lowered his head, kissing her deeply and gently. She responded as they lie in each other's arms kissing beneath the stars of their planet. He held her rolling her over against him, her hair surrounded his face as it cascaded down. He took her face in his hands, brushing it out of her face. She reached down pulling her nightgown up over her hips so she could straddle him. Her arousal was building and she moaned when he placed his hands on her hips, holding her.

He felt her bare hips and the wet warmth against his stomach, he held her hips as she pulled away gazing down at him. She was ready for tonight, although she was fighting the urge. She stared down at him and slowly pulled the gown over her head revealing herself to him. He felt his own arousal tighten and harden and he sat up wrapping her against him as he kissed her throat and slid his hands up cupping her breasts. She rocked her hips against his feeling how hard he was becoming.

Chakotay caressed her hardened buds as he slowly kissed down to one, taking it in his mouth and he savored it gently. She moaned holding his head wanting him even more as his scent surrounded her. She kissed his neck and shoulder, nipping gently, feeling him shiver beneath her.

"You're so beautiful," he murmured softly and held her against him as he rolled her beneath him. He slid his hands down her body, caressing gently beginning to follow his hands with deep, soft kisses. She lay there letting him do what he wanted as he savored her breasts, his hands worked down to her stomach and then he shaped out her hips. Her legs parted more as he moved lower and she groaned when he began to caress her soft recesses. He found her ready for him and began to stroke her as she cried out softly. She opened to him like a spring flower, and he placed his mouth on her while still stroking her bud, keeping her aroused.

The moment Kathryn felt him stroking her, tears sprang to her eyes and spilled down her face as she knew this was their last time. She groaned feeling his tongue exploring her slowly and then deeply. Her body shuddered deeply to his manipulations, "don't - stop!" She whispered harshly and then cried out when his tongue plunged deeper inside her causing her to shudder violently as she keened.

He felt her first climax and pulled away, kissing her thighs and then slowly kissing up her body. At that same time, he pulled his pajama bottoms down releasing himself. He lay against her as her legs surrounded his hips. He kissed her deeply as their tongues meshed, the taste of her mingling between them.

Kathryn could feel his hardness against her as she urged her hips against him. She stroked his back and moved her hands slowly down to his backside, "please," she whispered, her voice full of desire. "Please, Chakotay," he kissed her again.

At her request, he adjusted himself against her as he continued to kiss her. He was as ready as she was, he pulled away staring at her, "I love you," he said tenderly, his voice breaking.

"I love you, too," she whispered and felt him slide into her gently. She arched her back with a groan clutching him tightly.

Chakotay loved seeing her in this state, the way her eyes became half closed at their joining and her mouth slightly opened. He smiled and slowly began to move his hips against hers, she wrapped her legs higher around his waist urging him deeper. "Open your eyes," he told her softly, she did, as they stared at each other. He continued to move slowly and deeply into her. Her muscles began to tighten around him and he felt his need grow. He wanted to take his time, but wasn't sure how long he'll be able to keep it this way. He then lifted her hips to allow himself to move deeper, she groaned.

"Harder," she said pleading. "Please."

He shook his head, "not yet, my love," but he began to move faster. She cried out clinging to him. Her muscles were clenching him more as his own release built, he groaned resisting the urge.

She arched her back as he kissed her deeply and she moaned against his mouth. She then turned her face in his neck, biting it gently as he continued to move against her. Kathryn couldn't hold her release any longer, the tears started falling again. "Harder, please!" she pleaded.

Chakotay heard her, he wanted to as well. He took her hands in his as she gripped them and he began to pound harder into her as he raised her arms above her head. She gave a groan of pleasure wrapping her legs higher around his waist.

He groaned burying his face in her neck to gain control bringing her to release first as she continued to shudder harder each time around him, each time harder than the first.

When Kathryn felt her release, she cried out clutching him tightly as he released her hands. He felt his own release a moment later and cried out her name as he spilled his life into hers. He collapsed against her gasping, and then kissed her neck as he heard her crying softly.

A moment later he lifted his head gazing at her, "oh Kathryn, please don't - "

"I'm sorry," she said tearfully as he stroked her tears away. "It's just I'm going to have to remember - " she started to cry softly again.

Chakotay wrapped his arms around her crooning to her gently, not wanting to break their contact. He let her cry, understanding and wanting to himself. After several moments she began to quiet, he stroked her hair gently. He looked at her, "are you okay?"

She nodded, "yes," and he kissed her gently, she responded holding him as he lay beside her, pulling her against him. She curled against him wrapping her arms around his chest and laid her head on his shoulder. He held her stroking her back as they lay there quietly, he felt her shiver.

"Cold?" he asked.

She shrugged, "alittle."

Chakotay remembered the second blanket, he sat up some, finding it. He opened it, covered them with it and lay back down holding her. "Better?"

"Yes," she replied with a nod. "Thank you."

He kissed her forehead gently, "I love you Kathryn."

"I love you, too," she replied softly kissing his chest, fighting the tears again. She held him tighter as he did her. They fell asleep that way.

Kathryn stirred softly, opening her eyes to the soft filtered sunlight that came through the trees. She sighed finding it was morning. The air was cool, but slowly warming up. She felt Chakotay asleep beside her with his arms wrapped around her still. She snuggled closer to him, resting her head against his knowing this was their last morning to be just them.

In a few hours, Voyager would be in orbit with their cure and to take them home. She wanted to be happy over this, but couldn't be. She was in love with Chakotay, they had declared that and so much more to each other. Now asking her to give it up was a huge sacrifice. She knew she had to do it. She still owed it to her crew to get them home within a reasonable time. Her personal happiness had to take less priority to that once they returned.

Although, not now.

Slowly she turned in his arms beneath the blanket. Chakotay sighed softly, rolling on his back. She adjusted herself against him while studying him. As he slept she could see the smooth, peaceful contours of his face. How full his mouth was and how long his eyelashes were. She wondered how long they'd both keep their youthfulness. She had a feeling Chakotay would only become more distinguished, she hoped she would fare just as nicely. But only the stress of the Delta Quadrant and what their future held would tell.

She was in her mid-thirties and he was reaching his late-thirties, would they still be alive when the ship reached home? Could she let him wait that long for her? If she was going to have children it'd have be in the next few years. She sighed knowing how much she wanted children with him, but would it ever happen? She didn't know.

Kathryn reached out beginning to trace the shape of his mouth gently. He stirred softly and she smiled. She slowly drew her fingertip along his jaw, over his chin and the dimple there and down to his throat. She stopped there, placing a soft kiss on the hollow of his throat.

Chakotay moaned softly, feeling her mouth on his throat. He reached up running his hands into her hair and felt the tip of her tongue touch him. He groaned, feeling his arousal as she let her tongue trace from his throat slowly up to his mouth. He opened his eyes just as she was about to kiss him.

"Good morning," he said, still husky from sleep.

She smiled her crooked smile, "good morning," she replied softly.

He slid his hand up her back feeling her shiver and warm beneath his touch. He studied her for a moment, "are you okay?" he asked gently, knowing this was their last morning together before they fell back into their former roles.

She nodded, "yes," she whispered. "Your so peaceful Chakotay. I had to touch you, this last time."

"Oh Kathryn," he said tenderly, "you know I'll always be there for you. If you ever need to touch me, be with me, it's okay."

Kathryn felt her eyes sting with tears knowing how much he wanted their current relationship to continue while they were on board. He knew it wouldn't happen. This was their time to take advantage of who they were.

She blinked back the tears, "I know," she said her voice breaking.

He reached up cupping the sides of her face, "everything will be okay." She nodded, he lifted his head kissing her gently. She responded wrapping her arms around him. He held her and rolled her beneath him as her legs slid around his hips, inviting him closer. He gazed down at her, "I love you, remember that."

She nodded, "I love you," and kissed him again. He responded as he slowly adjusted himself against her as she lifted her hips. He began to kiss her face, "make love to me please," she implored.

"That's my every intention," he replied and they kissed deeply again, beginning to make their final memory of New Earth one of tender lovemaking.

=/\=

Later they held each other as the morning drew on. Reluctantly, he disengaged himself from her to make them breakfast. She pulled on her nightgown and stood up picking the blankets up. She stood, holding her tears, gazing around what had been their home for three months.

She knew she'd miss it terribly, but also knew that once she returned to Voyager she'd have enough work to do to catch up on the last three months. She planned to cherish this time between them, cherish knowing how he felt beside and with her.

Suddenly realizing he was waiting for her, she turned and headed back into the house. He already had their meal almost done as he spotted her and smiled gently at her. She stood for a moment studying him and she put on a smile and then forced the words, "what's for breakfast?" she asked.

"Coffee," he replied, "and eggs benedict for you and scrambled eggs and tea for me." She nodded, he stared at her, "Kathryn, are you okay?"

The tears burned the back of her eyes, "yes - well, I will be," and quickly looked away biting her lip.

Chakotay immediately stepped over taking her in his arms enfolding her tightly against him. She dropped the blankets wrapping her arms tightly around him burying her head against his shoulder. He crooned softly to her as he stroked her hair and back while she tried regaining control. Kathryn kissed his shoulder, her throat tight, "thank you, Chakotay."

"For what?"

"For being there," she replied.

He made her look at him, "I'm always there for you," she nodded, now feeling more composed. He could sense it. "Now come on, let's eat." He led her over to the table and had her sit down.

After breakfast, he began bringing their containers of belongings outside to be beamed up. He left her alone to mentally prepare herself for the return. His last check, she was sitting on her bed after her shower holding the barrette he made.

Once done, he took his own shower and came out to find her standing in the living/work area in her robe. She was studying the spot where their painting had hung. He walked up behind her sliding his arms around her waist, she leaned back against him as their hands clasped over her stomach.

"What are you looking at?" he asked softly.

She shrugged, "just realizing how wonderful that painting was."

"You helped make it," he said kissing her neck. "It was beautiful."

"What did you do with it?" she asked curious.

"I'm going to hang it in my quarters," he said. "Unless you want it?" She didn't respond, he squeezed her waist gently. "Kathryn?"

She shook her head, "no, you keep it - "

He then turned her in his arms, "why? I think you should have it."

Kathryn stared up at him, she smirked, "I - " he waited. "I don't think I could - handle the memory - right now."

"Kathryn," he said tenderly, reaching out stroking the side of her face. He stared at her seeing the sadness of their intimate relationship coming to an end. He found it difficult to deal with himself, because the mere presence of her evoked a reaction out from him. He sighed, "well, I have it when you want it, okay?"

She nodded, "okay," and laid her head against his chest. She slid her arms up his back, clinging tightly to him. He was caressing her back and hair gently; she shivered feeling her body shudder with both desire and tears. She knew if she looked at him, they'd probably go with their desire again.

The ship was due in a few hours yet, they were packed and just needed to dress. She didn't want to be found in his bed if Voyager arrived and they hadn't heard the hail. She closed her eyes focusing, or trying to on stuff to do when they got back. However, his arousal was getting even more pronounced against her stomach through his robe. Her body yearned for his and she wondered if she'd actually be able to stay away from him.

"Chakotay - " she whispered.

"Kathryn," he responded, his voice filled with desire. She quickly turned in his arms with her back to him, he pulled her tighter against his arousal. "I want you - "

"We can't - " she moaned. "Tuvok's due here - "

"Not for a few more hours," he replied, he began caressing her slowly by sliding his hands up and cupping her breasts over her robe. She groaned arching her back. She reached behind her grabbing his hips, steadying herself against him.

"Oh god," she groaned and felt him slide a hand beneath her robe searching for her own arousal. As much as she fought it, she cried out softly when his hands found her soft recess moist and warm. She shuddered against him with a quiet gasp, feeling him suck gently on her ear she groaned. Suddenly she turned into his arms as they kissed deeply and passionately, he was opening her robe to cup a breast. She titled her head back as he began to kiss slowly down her throat to her breast as he took it in his mouth. Kathryn held his head, arching her back as the desire and pleasure of what he was doing swam through her. "Yes," she moaned, "please Chakotay."

He straightened kissing her deeply as their tongues meshed. She slid her hands down his chest, parting his robe as the tie loosened. Her hand slid lower to grasp his hardened member and she began to stroke gently. He groaned into her mouth then slid his hands down to her backside and lifted her against him. He couldn't wait as the passion and desire grew, he needed to take her now.

Chakotay directed them over to the nearest wall, lifting her higher as he pressed her tightly against it. He opened her robe completely and parted it as he positioned himself against her. This was going to be their last time to make love for awhile, he wanted to remember how she tasted, smelled and felt against him. "Kathryn," he said lovingly as she stared at him. "You're so beautiful. Always remember that - "

She nodded, "yes. Please now Chakotay," and she groaned in the pleasure when he joined them deeply and firmly for that final time. She arched her hips as he held them there and he leaned over kissing her again as their tongues meshed. She moaned against his mouth, urging her hips against his. He began to rock against her slowly, prolonging their release.

He moved slowly and deeply into her, cherishing the feel of her warmth surrounding his body. She was clinging tightly to him as her hips moved against his, it was sweet pleasure as she gave herself to him this final time. He wasn't sure if it was as a parting gift or if she just gave into her own desire. He hoped it was for the latter.

Kathryn groaned, wanting him even deeper, she wrapped her legs higher around his waist as he braced her against the wall. He seemed to understand and repositioned himself slightly by bending his knees and plunging up a little harder and deeper. She gasped in response and felt her ache start as he began to stroke her in a spot that felt good. Her legs were getting tired somewhat and she felt as if she wouldn't be able to keep them up. She pulled away gasping, "wait - I can't - Chakotay - "

"What's wrong?" he asked breathless, hoping she wasn't going to ask him to stop.

"I can't hold myself up," she replied gasping. "My legs - "

Chakotay thought quickly, he glanced over his shoulder at the table. He pulled slightly away from her as he still held her and grabbed the corner of it pulling it up behind him hoping this would work. "Try this," and she placed her feet against the side. "Better?"

She felt more secure now, "yes, much," and he kissed her again, beginning to move against that spot. She moaned, "oh yes, there Chakotay -"

"Here?" he whispered repeating over the spot and circled his hips. She groaned nodding. "Anything you want, my love," he said and began to stroke her the way she asked.

Kathryn cried out clutching him and curling her toes around the edge of the table as he continued to stroke her gently in the spot she asked. The buildup was agonizingly slow as she clung to him, they kissed deeply again.

He felt his own release starting to build as he held back hoping they could come at the same time. He began to kiss her face, "I love you so much," he whispered passionately. "My beautiful Kathryn."

"I love you," she replied as her release built. She bit her lip, "faster," her body shuddered deeply and she arched her back in response. He began to stroke her faster in that same spot, she cried out softly and her body started to thump against the wall. "Oh - god!" She wanted more. She gripped his shoulders and she kissed him again. He responded and slid his hands down to her backside lifting her tighter and closer against him. He began to plunge harder into her, she cried out as her body shuddered again. "Harder!" she commanded, wanting to feel him all the way inside.

Chakotay's release was coming, as was hers. He heard her command and did as told. He began to pound her harder and deeper as she buried her face in his shoulder starting to scream as he buried himself completely in her, then withdrew and plunging deeper and harder again.

When both their releases came, she screamed arching her back as he felt his body shudder profoundly, his life spilling into her deeply. He trembled gasping as his hips began to slow against hers. Her body continued to quake from the intense release as they clung to each other breathless.

They stood there catching their breaths, she lazily lifted her head as he gazed at her. He leaned over kissing her tenderly, she responded. A moment later he sighed, "I think we'd better shower again. You know Vulcan's and their noses."

Kathryn laughed softly, tears glistened in her eyes, "oh, I'm going to miss - " he kissed her gently silencing as she moaned.

A moment later, he looked at her shaking his head, "don't say it Kathryn. Even though our lovemaking is put on hold, it's not going to stop me from wanting or loving you. In fact," he grinned, "I think I'll be taking many cold showers these next several months."

"Oh Chakotay," she whispered, "I'm so sorry - "

"It's not your fault," he said. "We didn't expect them to return with a cure. I know your priorities, I just don't want to be the last one all the time."

She nodded, "okay, I'll try to remember that." She lowered her legs slowly from the table. As she did, she felt him slip out of her. She kissed him tenderly again as they held each other to seal the deal and she pulled back slightly pulling her robe together. "I'll shower first," and walked back to the small bathroom they shared.

A couple of hours later they received the hail from Tuvok who told them Voyager was in orbit. Kathryn acknowledged the hail. The proper dosage for both of them with a hypo and two cartridges were beamed down moments later.

They sat across from each other grasping hands. He was already dressed in his uniform pants and boots, she wore her robe still. The tricorder sat next to them to take the reading and confirm that the virus was gone.

Kathryn eyed the hypo, tears were burning the back of her eyes. She blinked them back. He gently stroked the top of her hand, "we don't have to do this," he said gently.

She raised her eyes looking at him, she smirked, "Chakotay, of course we have to. You know that. Please don't start something this is difficult enough to deal with."

"I know," he said.

"I love you anyway for saying it," she said, her throat tight.

"I love you, too," he replied softly.

Kathryn gripped his hand tightly, nodded with a sigh and then pulled away grabbing the hypo. She stared at it for a moment, then before changing her mind took a cartridge, loaded it onto the hypo and pressed it against her neck. She closed her eyes injecting the medication hearing the hiss and she dropped the hypo onto the table buried her face in her hands. She began to cry softly at what she had to do.

Chakotay stood up and walked around to her kneeling in front of her. He took her in his arms, "Kathryn, its okay. Long as we're together - "

She nodded, clenching her hands, sniffing, "I know, I know." She raised her head wiping the tears away. He reached out stroking the side of her face tenderly. She kissed his hand and sighed with a soft smile, "your turn."

"Alright," he said and took the hypo, loaded it and held it out to her so she could administer his. He saw her bite her lip. "I can do it."

Kathryn stared at it, "you, please." She reached out taking the tricorder and let him administer it. She opened the tricorder taking their readings and watched as their blood levels returned to normal as the virus was cleaned from their systems. She sighed, saying simply, "it's done."

He nodded as they stared at each other and he held out his arms to her. She let herself fall into them as they held each other tightly. "Everything will be okay," he said gently.

Kathryn pulled away gazing at him, "I know, as long as your with me." She paused a moment, then added, "promise to remind me of last night and today Chakotay. Don't let me forget our time here, it's meant so much to me."

"I won't," he said reaching out and stroking a stray tear from her eye. He leaned over kissing her tenderly, she responded cupping the sides of his face.

A moment later she pulled away letting their forehead's touch gently as they listened to their breathing. She sighed, "I'd better get dressed," and started to stand, he let her.

She headed into her sleeping area, he stood pulling on his collar shirt and then his jacket. He walked back into his/their bedroom and stood gazing at the small bed they shared during the last week. He remembered her face as they made love there and how they held each other afterwards curled on the bed. He smiled softly, taking the memory with him. He saw his case filled with personal items and picked it up, pulling the shoulder strap over his shoulder and then walked out to go get her. She wasn't in her bedroom and the room was empty and the bed stripped. He turned and headed out to find her outside trying one last time to communicate with her primate. He smiled gently with a shake of his head watching her turn and walk over to him.

"Ready?" he asked.

Kathryn's face was set in a grim line, she was on the verge of tears. They stared at each other and she sighed, reached up and tapped her commbadge. "Janeway to Voyager, two to beam up," and they felt the beam take them away.

When they beamed aboard for the first time in three months, Kathryn and Chakotay found Tuvok and Kes waiting for them in the transporter room. Kathryn blinked back her tears, squared her shoulders and said, "permission to come aboard?"

"Welcome back, Captain," Tuvok said, "and commander. The Doctor is waiting for both of you in sickbay."

She nodded stepping down, "thank you, commander." She walked up to him, "I'd like to know why my orders were disobeyed," she hoped her anger didn't get the best of her. As much as she depended on Tuvok and his counsel, she couldn't help but be upset that he tore her away from her life with Chakotay. She sighed, "but for now, we have to satisfy the Doctor with our appearance. Commander?" She indicated to Chakotay, turning.

Chakotay still stood on the transporter platform and met her eyes. They pleaded with him to conform to their professional relationship as soon as possible. He nodded stepping down, "yes, Captain."

They headed out of the transporter room. Once in the corridor, crewmembers greeted them happily. They parted with Tuvok at the nearest lift and continued.

During the exam, the Doctor informed them about what had transpired while they were gone and what they did to obtain a cure from Danara Pel, the Vidiian doctor. Kes told them how she had convinced Tuvok that something had to be done to find a cure for them, since the crew was suffering so much in their absence.

That knowledge alone nearly brought Kathryn to tears. She stemmed them back quickly, finding she couldn't be angry with Tuvok, he was thinking of the crew. She was touched that he actually had been persuaded by the resident Ocampan.

Kes stood in front of her, "are you happy to be home, Captain?"

Kathryn's mouth twitched, she could feel Chakotay's eyes on her. She sighed and fixed her gaze on her, "I'm very happy Kes, thank you." She slid off the biobed, "are we ready for duty, Doctor?"

"As ready as ever," he replied.

Kathryn turned to Chakotay, "well Commander, since our crew took such strides to cure us and get us back, don't you think we should pay our bridge a visit?"

He nodded, "yes, Captain." He walked over to her, he could feel her mental bond reach out to him. He had all he could do not to hold her, "thank you, Doctor." They turned and walked out. As they headed to the lift, Kathryn's movements were stiff and she kept her chin high. Once they entered the lift, he turned to her, "are you okay?" he asked gently.

Kathryn leaned against the wall, she sighed glancing down. "I'll be fine Chakotay. It'll just take time, that's all."

He stepped closer to her touching her arm, she glanced up at him. "I'll be here if you need me."

Kathryn nodded, her voice shuddered, "I know." She sighed focusing, "bridge," and the lift rose. She stepped forward in the lift ready when the doors opened. She stepped out, watching her staff stand at attention.

Tuvok turned watching them step down to the command platform, "welcome back, Captain. Commander."

She strode up to him purposefully, "the Doctor tells me you contacted the Vidiians after all."

"I disobeyed your orders, Captain," he said staring at her. "I am prepared to accept the consequences."

She leaned into him, "if I didn't know you any better. I'd say your decision was almost..." she thought for a moment, "emotional." She smiled slightly at him and turned towards the helm. "Thank you all. Well, we've lost time with all this, let's see if we could make some of it up." Tuvok returned to his station as Chakotay took his seat. "Mr. Paris, warp eight."

"Aye, Captain," he said sitting down and turning back.

She pivoted on her heel heading back to her seat. "Commander, we'll need to review the ships systems," she continued as she sat down in her chair crossing her legs. He already had their command display opened and waiting. "I'll be handling propulsion, environmentals and communication. You'll be responsible for sensors, weapons and transporters." She stared directly ahead while issuing the orders, knowing if she looked at him now, she'd burst into tears. She couldn't allow that to happen.

He was inputting into the display, "aye, Captain. I'll have a report ready for you at 1800 hours."

She sat for a moment in thought, then added, "check with the phaser maintenance. See if they solved that problem with the prefire chamber temperature," the tears were burning the back of her eyes. She blinked again.

"Yes, ma'am," he said. "I'll see to it," he could hear the slight tremble in her voice. This was killing him as much as her. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see her hand clenched tightly on her armrest, she was fighting her emotions.

They sat there quietly for several moments, she sighed and stood. "I'll be in my ready room. You have the bridge," she turned and stepped down into her office. Once inside and the doors closed, she bit her lip putting her face in a hand. "Computer, engage privacy lock," the door snapped shut. She stepped up to her sofa and sat down stiffly, attempting to control the flood of tears that wanted to come. She folded her hands in her lap and felt the tears spill down her face fresh and hot.

She leaned forward putting her face in her hands to stem the tears, but they wouldn't stop. This was going to be unbearable these next few months not being involved like they were. Her love for him was deep and she could already feel the pain of her loss, her chest was constricting and she could hardly breathe.

"Chakotay," she whimpered tearfully.

=/\=

That evening, when both had finally left the bridge, it wasn't together. Kathryn had regained her composure in time to leave.

Chakotay stood in his quarters surrounded by his belongings from New Earth. He knew he should start to unpack, but he had no desire to. He watched the stars skim by his viewport as he remembered their last night on New Earth. He could still feel her, taste her...this wasn't easy. He knew she was next door feeling the same thing. He wanted to go to her, but knew he shouldn't, this soon after their return, because of the suspicions that would arise.

Suddenly his door chime rang, interrupting his thoughts. He turned hoping it was Kathryn, but knew it wasn't. He sighed, "come in," the doors slid open revealing B'Elanna. He smiled slightly, happy to finally see his old friend.

"Can I come in?" she asked.

"I just said you could," he replied.

B'Elanna entered slowly, gazing around seeing his packed container and a trayful of untouched food on his table. "How are you doing?"

He shrugged, "as well as can be expected."

"Neelix pay you a visit?" she asked indicating to the food.

He nodded, "yes, but I'm not hungry."

B'Elanna stared at him for a moment, "Chakotay, I know it's been a few months since we've seen each other, but are you really okay? You're just too quiet. I figured you'd be in the messhall or something, not here."

Chakotay glanced at her, he turned sitting down on his sofa. "I just need to be alone B'Elanna. I got used to living on that planet."

She nodded and understood how he probably did grow to enjoy the planet, but there was something else. She walked over and sat down next to him, "there's something bothering you Chakotay." He looked at her, "I know you, remember?"

He shook his head, "I'm dealing with it B'El."

B'Elanna leaned forward putting her chin in her hand sighing. She knew he was taking her into his trust when he referred to her by her nickname. He wanted to talk, it was just getting him to. "How was it living with the Captain? What's she really like?"

"She's - " he said wondering how to describe Kathryn. "Very nice, B'El. We laughed and got to know each other. She tended to the garden, it was a sight to behold with her - " he said softly. "Lying in the dirt like that."

"I think so," she replied in disbelief, finding it hard to imagine her proper Starfleet captain being a gardener. "What else?"

"We became friends," he replied simply. "Good friends."

"So why aren't you with her now?"

Chakotay's heart clenched, that's all he wanted now. He gritted his teeth and forced himself to relax, "because - we're not."

She knew he was a private person, but whatever happened between him and the Captain was obviously bothering him. "Chakotay, are you fighting with each other or something?" He shook his head, "then what is it?"

"B'El," he sighed, "the Captain and I aren't fighting. We grew very...close down there."

She studied the lost look on his face, a look he rarely got except when his heart was involved. "Oh Chakotay, you didn't fall in love with her, did you?" That's when she knew she was right, when he glanced at her. She was shocked, especially after what Seska did to him. "Does she know how you feel?"

He nodded, "yes. I told her with a story one night."

"What'd she say?"

"Not much," he replied with a shrug. "She cried alittle, but - did nothing."

"How'd it happen?"

"We were working late," he said, "and she was a bit sore after working outside when her neck began to bother her. So I offered to give her a massage. She accepted," he sighed, "I don't know how, but as I worked her muscles something just...happened. She felt it too - " B'Elanna's eyes widened, "she pulled away from me and went to bed."

"Does she love you?"

He leaned forward, putting his face in his hands with a moan, "oh spirit's B'El. I didn't want to come back to Voyager and neither did she."

"Chakotay," she said softly reaching out putting her hand over his. "This must be driving you crazy, to be like this." He didn't respond, "go to her."

He lifted his head looking at her, "what?"

"She needs you," she said gently. "Neelix told me how he brought you both dinner."

He shook his head, "I can't B'El. The crew would get suspicious thinking something is going on."

"Something is," she told him. "You're in love. You both can't turn your backs on that - "

"We don't want to," he said and groaned, standing up. He turned with a sigh, "but, she has to put what we feel last, B'El. Now that we're back, her goal to get the ship home is the most important thing."

She nodded in agreement understanding, "why can't you continue your relationship off-duty?"

"I'd like nothing more," he replied, "but she won't. We've agreed to remain friends."

She stood up, "well, we both know you can't change her mind." He nodded, "you should still go to her Chakotay, just to let her know your support is still there."

"I'll think about it," he said.

"I'll be here if you need me," she told him, he nodded. She quickly gave him a gentle embrace, "goodnight Chakotay. As difficult as it is, welcome home."

"Thanks, B'El," he said hugging her back. She pulled away and left quickly. He stood quietly after her looking at his packed belongings as they caught his eye. He walked over to the container and opened it. After pulling out a few clothes, he saw the two sandpaintings alongside. With a sigh, he pulled them out gently and turned them around so he could see them. The waterfall made his throat tighten as he remembered the night she helped him make it. He walked over leaning it against the sofa and looked at the second. The one of her by her garden and he smiled at the memory.

He presented it to her a few days before Voyager returned, she was touched when she saw the design. He let her pick the spot on the wall where it'd go and hung it up. She embraced him thanking him and he held her. They ended that night making tender love, after he told her he'd always remember her working in her garden.

He decided to hang it in his bedroom and walked with it inside. He removed a piece of Starfleet artwork and hung the painting in its place. He stood staring at it realizing that this would be the only way she would share his bedroom until they returned home.

That's when he decided to go see her, even if it was just to say goodnight. He turned and headed out after checking to be sure their part of the deck was empty.

=/\=

Kathryn sat in her armchair with a cup of coffee lost in thought. She had recovered from her cry in the ready room earlier, but more tears wanted to come. She wanted to go see him, but knew she couldn't. The crew was happy they were back, she knew she should be as well, but she wasn't.

Her heart had been ripped from her with Voyager's return. As much as she hurt from it, it wasn't as important as getting the crew safely home. Chakotay knew and understood that. That's one thing she loved about him.

Their promise from last night stuck in her head as she asked him to be sure the captain never forgot New Earth and their time there. His face above hers in the moonlight stuck with her and their lovemaking that followed after did too. Her reverie was interrupted by her doorchime. She lifted her head, curious and stood up slowly. She walked over and let the door slide open. Her heart leapt into her throat seeing him standing there.

"Chakotay," she whispered shocked. "What are you doing here?"

He stared at her seeing the red in her eyes from some previous tears. "I just came to see if you were alright?"

"What if someone sees you?" she asked, not answering his question.

"Then you'd better let me in," he replied, "before someone does." She sighed stepping aside. He entered and she closed the door, they were quiet as she walked to the middle of the room. He saw her hair down and longed to run his hands through it. "You still haven't answered my question."

Kathryn wrapped her arms around herself, her voice shook as she shrugged, "it's been...difficult," her voice broke.

His heart went out to her, "oh, Kathryn," he went to go to her. She stopped him by holding up her hand.

"Please, don't," she whispered shakily. "Please Chakotay - " she gasped when she felt him slide his arms around her waist gently. Tears sprung quickly to her eyes the moment she felt him. She tried pulling from his arms, he held her tighter against him.

"Let me," he whispered tenderly in her ear. "Let me hold you, please." She moaned softly and leaned against him, giving up, she rested her head against his shoulder as the tears slid silently down her face. They stood in the dimness of her quarters relishing the feel of each other as the stars skimmed by the viewport. He sighed, "everything will be okay, my love - "

" - Don't call me that Chakotay," she said. "It...hurts too much, please."

He kissed her neck gently brushing her hair out of the way. "I'll try not to Kathryn," she sighed reaching up to wipe her face. "Just give it time. It's difficult for me too." After a moment she slowly turned in his arms gazing up at him. He smiled gently, "I'm here anytime you need me, okay?"

Kathryn nodded with a soft smile, "I know," and embraced him tightly. He held her, stroking her hair and back, she sighed relaxing into his stroking.

Chakotay sighed placing a soft kiss on the top of her head, just happy to hold her again. He needed this as much as she did. After several minutes he asked, "have you eaten?"

She shook her head, "no, I...haven't been hungry - "

"Kathryn," he said with a warning tone, "you have to eat. Now I haven't eaten either. I think it'd be nice to eat together."

She lifted her head looking up at him, "I'd like that. Besides, we still have alot to do in the morning." He nodded, "shall we celebrate our return with Neelix's food or replicated?"

He smirked, "do you have any rations left?"

"Tuvok sent me my back supply," she replied, "this afternoon."

"I'm not really up to," he said, "diving into Neelix's food yet."

She laughed softly, "neither am I." She now felt better with him near her. She pulled away, holding his hand, "let's find something to eat," and led him over to the replicator.

Their first night back on board progressed smoothly as they ate dinner together. The dinner helped them heal their aching hearts and bring their friendship closer, now that they couldn't be intimate anymore. They still loved each other, but knowing sex couldn't happen, their new relationship took on a much deeper meaning.

They held each other's hands during dinner. When done, she walked him to the door. They stood staring at each other, he reached out stroking the side of her face tenderly. She leaned into it sighing softly, "goodnight Kathryn," he said, knowing he was going to miss her beside him at night and would have to get used to sleeping alone again.

She placed her hand on his, "goodnight Chakotay," he leaned over to kiss her and stopped for a moment. Then he continued by placing a soft, warm kiss on her forehead. She closed her eyes putting a hand on his shoulder.

"I love you," he whispered and pulled away. "Don't ever forget it."

She shook her head, "I won't. It'll keep me going," he squeezed her hand gently also wanting to hear the words. "I love you, too," she whispered and he smiled, she did as well. He turned and walked out. She stood there and then turned to pick up the dinner dishes and recycle Neelix's dinner. Once done, she decided to retire and walked into her bedroom.

As she readied for bed, she decided to wear her peach nightgown for the memory, and as much as she hated to admit it, the scent of him was still there. She slipped beneath the bedcovers falling into a peaceful sleep.

During the next few months, after they got the ship back from Seska and the Kazon. Kathryn was stunned at how fast she and Chakotay were stranded again so soon after returning from New Earth. This time, with the entire crew, minus Tom. She kept her emotions to herself and she and Chakotay worked together to keep everyone's spirit's and confidence up that Tom would somehow get Voyager returned to them. She had to believe it.

Once the crew had returned to the ship and began to evaluate the damage and alterations done by Seska and the Kazon, she took a moment out in the ready room with a cup of coffee staring out at the viewport.

She heard the doorchime ring and sighed wishing she were in her quarters. "Come in," she said quietly and the doors slid open. She saw Chakotay's reflection as he entered walking up behind her on the level below. She turned slightly to him, "yes, commander?"

He held out a padd, "ship's status report on repairs needed."

She stared at him, then held out her hand with a sigh as he handed it to her. She turned it on glancing at it and then sighed, "well, not as bad as I thought." He didn't respond, she lifted her eyes gazing at him, "how are you holding up?"

"Fine," he replied with a shrug. She stared at him, he sighed, "I'm sorry for getting the crew involved with Seska's doing's."

Kathryn frowned, "Chakotay, it was a mutual agreement. You have nothing to be sorry for. We were all duped by her." He nodded, she sighed, "it was just a shame she put her innocent child in her plans." He looked down, she knew he was somewhat upset over knowing that Seska's child was never his in the first place, despite everything. She stepped closer to him, "Chakotay, I would have accepted that child, if it were the case."

He then looked at her seeing the compassion in her face, he sighed with a nod, "I know and thanks." They were quiet, "well, I'll get those repairs started." She nodded, "good night, Kathryn."

"Good night, Chakotay," she said and he turned and walked out.

The next year started with meeting new species, the most threatening was the Swarm, rescuing Harry and Tom from that space prison and encountering the Ferengi again. Both their hopes of a quick return to the Alpha Quadrant were dashed when the wormhole collapsed before the ship could enter.

When Kathryn took part in the ritual with the Nechani to save Kes, Chakotay worried about her. Just before she let herself and Kes get exposed to the blast of energy at the shrine, he wanted to take her in his arms, but resisted knowing his place. He let her do it. Once Kes recovered and they returned to the ship, he suggested she get some sleep and she didn't argue.

Less than a month later, they encountered Captain Braxton and ended up chasing him back to the 20th century. Knowing they had to blend in with that time period, Kathryn wore her hair down and dressed in a flattering white suit. Right before beaming down, he noticed the barrette holding her hair back into the simple ponytail that lay against the nape of her neck. He smiled, thrilled to see her wearing it.

In their search for the time ship, he allowed himself the luxury to stand close to her, touch her back to guide her and even make a subtle comment about her legs. She didn't pull away and seemed to enjoy the freedom they had on this mission.

She had turned to him with a saucy grin, "my legs aren't worth watching Chakotay."

He grinned at her, "that's what you think," he replied and she laughed softly as they focused back on the situation at hand.

Once they had returned to the Delta Quadrant and the 24th century with the help of the new Captain Braxton, life returned to normal until they encountered the survivors of a damaged Ilari ship. The tyrant, Tieran, took Kes hostage. After Tieran/Kes had injured Kathryn in the transporter room, Chakotay had to be in sickbay when she regained consciousness.

She slowly propped herself up on her elbows feeling a headache and squinted her eyes to clear her vision. He stood before her at a safe distance, she groaned, "my head, what -?"

"You were attacked," he told her gently, "in the transporter room."

She nodded and moved to sit up more, he stepped over to help her, "by Kes?"

"Not Kes," he replied and pulled away as she swung her legs over the side putting a hand to her head where the throbbing was. "Headache?"

"Just alittle," she said with a nod.

"Well," he replied, "that was quite a blow you took."

She nodded slightly again, "so what have you found out?"

"Kes has been taken hostage," he replied, "by a known and long-thought dead Ilari called Tieran."

"How?" she asked and winced hoping the Doctor would be over to give her something for the headache.

"We don't know," he said, "but the Ilari visitor happens to be the Autarch's brother and might have some answers. I was going to call a briefing as soon as you're ready."

She was, more than ever. She sighed, "Doctor?"

He appeared at their side, "here you go, Captain," and injected the medication into her to relieve her the pain of the headache. "You should have relief very shortly."

"Thank you," she said and slid off the bed staring at Chakotay. "Commander, I believe we need to find some answers. Let's go," he nodded and they left sickbay.

After Kes was safely returned to the ship, Kathryn made sure the proper family was back in control to fix the changes made by Tieran and left orbit.

The Doctor gave Kes a clean bill of health after suggesting she rest. Neelix and Kes remained friends after their breakup.

Alittle more than a month later, Kathryn was visited by Q again with an unusual offer. When she told Chakotay of the offer, he couldn't help but be a little suspicious and jealous of the omnipotent being at the same time. She reassured him that she had no intention of taking up on the offer. He was slightly embarrassed that Q had revealed his thoughts, but was able to turn it around before following Kathryn out of the ready room.

When Q took her from the ship to the Continuum, he was more than determined to get her back with the help of the Lady Q.

Upon arriving in the Continuum and finding Kathryn in an Old Earth southern style dress, he was enchanted with how beautiful she looked, despite her disheveled appearance. Kathryn loved his "Yankee" look and was tempted to ask him to rescue her all over again, but shelved the idea with the crew in the area. After her initial shock of how the Q's consummated their relationship, she glanced at Chakotay and he gave her a conspiratal wink.

After they were returned to the ship in their uniforms, Kathryn left the bridge to him in order to take a bath. He didn't blame her and told her to take her time.

The annual Talent Night took place a few weeks later. Kathryn surprised her crew with her school version of Swan Lake. Chakotay was impressed that she dared to perform like she did. After the show ended, he walked her back to her quarters where they bid each other goodnight. They would see each other at 0700 for breakfast before embarking on their survey mission of an upcoming system.

Before their crash landing on the nearby planet, he discovered how much he still loved her as they laughed over Talent Night and what they could do for the next one.

When Chakotay fought to revive her after the crash, he couldn't prevent the tears streaming down his face when she almost didn't respond. After the Doctor and Tuvok arrived and the Doctor began working on her, he couldn't help but think back to those two days on New Earth when she was sick with a high fever. He nearly cried when she came around and he wanted to take her in his arms. Instead, he helped her up and given her present condition, wrapped an arm around her waist to support her on the way back to the shuttle. 

Once they returned to the ship, after a check up and medication for her headache, both returned to duty. Although there was a little time left for the duty shift, she went to work in her office to at least read up on a report.

Before the shift ended, Chakotay visited airponics to find Kathryn a flower. He found a beautiful yellow rose tipped with pink. Deciding on that, he had Kes cut it for him and headed back to the bridge.

She was touched by his gift and took it, but she was still disturbed by what she had went through with her experience with the alien. She didn't let on about her feelings and did want to be held, but held back on asking for it, knowing she'd deal with it.

Instead she had a renewed vigor for life, especially after seeing how Chakotay vainly tried reviving her and cried trying to save her. His love was still there and she felt it. Now she wanted to relax in a new holodeck program she created and invited him.

=/\=

Chakotay gently turned the wheel on the sailboat around Lake George in the twilight as he glanced down at Kathryn, who sat with her knees pulled up to her chest in thought. Her uniform jacket was removed and she was resting her chin on her knees.

He decided to put the boat on auto and once he did, he stepped down, sinking beside her on the blanket she was sitting on. He studied her for a moment, then sighed, "feel okay?"

She shrugged, "I'm fine," and glanced at him. "I think my near death experiences are part of my life here in the Delta Quadrant."

"Well, you certainly have had your share," he replied with a smirk.

She smiled softly, "isn't that the truth?" She became quiet again as they listened to the rocking of the boat and the waves lapped up against the sides. "This last experience - "

"I think you need to rest," he suggested gently, "or consult your spirit guide on this Kathryn." She didn't respond except shrug her shoulders, he knew he couldn't make the decision for her. He reached out and tenderly ran his finger alongside her face, "I was terrified I wouldn't be able to revive you this time." She glanced at him relaxing to his touch, "it reminded me of that time on New Earth."

New Earth. She hadn't let herself think of it since the night they came back. It had only been almost six months, but a year before. She gave a slight nod, "I understand," then sighed, "in fact, I understand more now than I did then." She smiled softly as they stared at each other and she leaned into his hand instinctively missing his touch.

Chakotay missed her. He missed the feel of her still and the taste, although if he let himself, he'd be able to know it again. He gently ran his thumb across her mouth and she sighed closing her eyes. She knew then she missed him to. He slowly leaned forward to kiss her, just gently, to remind her of that time on New Earth.

Kathryn opened her eyes seeing him, she took his hand gently and pulled back, "we can't Chakotay. You know that."

He gazed at her as she looked away, "I'm sorry Kathryn, I just - "

"I know," she replied softly. "I know how difficult it is, but we have no choice." He nodded, she held his hand tighter gazing at him. "I need you Chakotay, I need your friendship more than anything, please - "

"You'll always have that," he told her. "And, you'll have the rest of it when we finally make it home."

"Promise?" she asked.

He nodded and wrapped his arm around her, she curled against him. "I promise Kathryn, when we get home." She sighed laying her head on his shoulder and they weaved their hands together, sitting on the boat quietly.

They left the holodeck an hour later so she could rest.

The next few months passed by without much incident, other than the Doctor starting to experiment with his program, B'Elanna going through the Klingon version of Pon Farr due to Vorik, and the first contacts with the Nyrians and the Voth. Their friendship and love was put to the test when they encountered a former Borg colony and Chakotay became involved with Riley Frasier. Kathryn listened to Riley's plea to help them, but knowing they were nearing Borg space, she was starting to become leery of any Borg.

When Chakotay was still under the control of the neural link and was forced to board the derelict Borg cube to activate the array, she was worried for his safety. Tuvok managed to board the cube to rescue him, but failed to stop the activation of the array.

She was hurt when realizing he fell to Riley's advances and ended having sex with her. When he was returned to the ship with the shuttle, she had him report to sickbay for a complete exam. Once the Doctor was finished, they had stood quietly at a safe distance and he could sense how hurt she was over his actions and brief affair.

As any good captain would, she dismissed his actions because they were involuntary and claimed she forgave him as a friend because of the person he was. That still didn't make him feel any better because she seemed distant to him. She told him he was off-duty until the following day and dismissed him, he didn't argue and went to his quarters.

Chakotay did sleep when he went back to quarters, but only for a few hours. He woke up in the late evening to find the ship cruising again at warp six. He showered and had some tea to wake himself up. As he did, he realized he wanted to apologize to Kathryn. Glancing at the chronometer nearby, he saw it was close to midnight, but he knew she was awake. Ever since her near death experience months back, she wasn't sleeping until the early morning hours. Her insomnia was gradual and her body was starting to adapt to the change.

Deciding he couldn't leave his actions unspoken for, he wanted to talk to her. He then dressed in his uniform and walked to her quarters at the other end of the corridor.

=/\=

Kathryn sighed, leaning back in her office chair, her eyes tired from staring at the computer. She was studying upcoming long range scans of the quadrant wondering where Borg space began.

She knew that wasn't the only thing on her mind. As much as she didn't want it to bother her, were Chakotay's dalliance with Riley Fraiser. She groaned rubbing her face knowing she shouldn't feel this away, as their love affair ended and friendship began after New Earth. The part of her that still loved him wasn't buried that deep and the feelings were just beneath her captain's facade.

She shook her head and stood up to get some coffee. At the replicator, she called for a cup and heard her doorchime. Glancing at the chronometer she wondered who'd be calling on her this late. "Come in," she said and stepped over to her desk. The doors slid open and Chakotay stepped in looking somewhat rested, more than she at least. She gripped her cup more, "commander, you should be resting. Why are you up this late?"

Chakotay stared at her, she was clenching her coffee cup. He sighed, "I know, but I wanted to talk to you."

She shrugged walking around him not meeting his gaze, "there's nothing to talk about." She glanced back at the computer.

Chakotay sighed realizing she wasn't going to make this easy. Deciding on another route, he stepped over glancing at the scans she was studying. "Looking for more Borg?" he inquired.

She glanced at him, "not really." She sighed, "I'm just trying to get an idea of where Borg space is."

"Isn't that a bit premature?" he asked her. "Borg space could still be several sectors away."

"True," she agreed. "Although I'm required to go on alert with any cubes spotted in the vicinity."

"That's understandable," he said.

They were quiet as they studied the scans, she pulled back for a moment looking at him, "what can I do for you Chakotay? You should be resting after this mission."

He studied her picking up on her business-like attitude, she was avoiding the problem between them. He sighed, deciding to just get to the point, "I need to know if you're angry with me?"

She shrugged, "why should I be angry? What happened wasn't your fault."

"Kathryn - " he said anxious to clear the air with her.

She stood up and moved around him and the desk, "Chakotay what's done is done." She folded her arms over her chest with her back to him. She bit her lip wondering why he was so insistent on bringing this up with her. It was difficult enough to know what happened.

"I don't think so," he said walking up behind her. She didn't face him, "I know you Kathryn, remember? I hurt you with what happened. I just want to say I'm sorry."

She blinked back her tears, "what I'm feeling shouldn't matter anymore."

"What are you talking about?" he asked slightly taken aback.

"If I feel hurt," she stated tightly, "it shouldn't matter. We're just friends."

"Of course we are," he agreed, "but its so much more than that Kathryn. What you're feeling - " he stopped. His voice dropped, "the last thing I wanted to do was hurt you."

She gritted her teeth as the tears threatened to come, "stop Chakotay, please. What we had - " she paused trying to gain control. "It's over, we have to move on. We can't let our feelings get in the way, especially if there are Borg in the area."

He was confused, "what do you mean by its 'over'?"

Kathryn turned slightly to him, her eyes glistened from fought tears. She smirked, "what we had on New Earth is gone Chakotay. What we have now - is very special to me. We can't go back to what we felt back then."

Chakotay was stunned at her words. He couldn't believe she was ending her feelings for him because of this mistake. "Kathryn, no," he reached out taking her arm and gently pulled her up against him. She resisted as much as she could, "I'm so sorry I betrayed you," he said gently into her ear. His voice shuddered, "I knew I wasn't being faithful and I let it happen anyway." She closed her eyes feeling a tear slide down her face. "I still love you and I know you still feel the same - "

" - Chakotay - " she said, her voice breaking. "Don't - "

"I've respected your feelings about being friends," he continued, "and your concerns with protocol on board. What we had on New Earth wasn't a fling, I don't want you to see it as that."

Kathryn turned to him, her eyes bright, "of course it wasn't! Oh god, Chakotay, I just can't do this anymore - I just - "

He saw the sadness and fear in her eyes and face, he realized he had to remind her of exactly what they had and what they still had now with the promise they made to each other. Without much thought, he pulled her up against him, kissing her gently and deeply.

The moment Kathryn felt his mouth on hers she attempted to pull away. Chakotay was insistent and gently held her shoulders, pulling her up against him. He opened her mouth to his and she moaned softly, but slowly succumbed to him, wrapping her arms around him. She clung tightly to him missing the taste of him and loving him even more.

After several moments he began to kiss her face tenderly, she closed her eyes holding him as a few tears forced their way out of her eyes. "Chakotay," she whispered.

He gazed at her and smiled gently at her, "please don't give up on us Kathryn. You haven't decided to do that have you?"

She stared in his deep brown eyes and shook her head, reaching up cupped the side of his face, "no, I haven't. It's just - easier to think that way."

He placed his hand over hers, "I know and I understand." He kissed her hand with a sigh, "I think you should rest," she smirked at him. "Besides, if your right about the Borg, we should be well rested and on our toes."

She nodded, "your right. Thank you Chakotay."

"Goodnight Kathryn," he said softly. He pulled away from her and walked out. She stood walked over to her computer and sat down to do more work.

A month and a half later they entered Borg space.

PART 2  
When the crew encountered the war between the Borg and Species 8472, Kathryn was at a loss of what to do. As Harry lay in sickbay being transformed from the inside out, she stopped sleeping. The ship was on constant alert. At Chakotay's urging, she took time off to try to rest, but did so in her daVinci program.

While there she came up with her idea to make a deal with the Borg to combat Species 8472 and get the ship safely through Borg space. When she gathered the staff together to announce her plan, she was sure they all thought she was crazy. She would have agreed with them, but she felt there was no other way to get around this problem. Everyone took their orders and left to get their departments prepared for battle. Except Chakotay, who stayed behind to lecture her about his disapproval of what she was about to do.

She was intrigued with his reference to the scorpion and fox but then felt betrayed when he claimed she was making a poor decision, but he'd follow her orders. She felt alone at that point, he had stepped back from her because he wanted to go another way. After he left, she stood in the briefing room attempting to control her emotions. Once she felt the control she needed was there, she walked onto the bridge and distanced herself mentally from him figuring if she were going to go this alone, his consultation wouldn't always be necessary.

Contact was made and she was transported onto the cube, Chakotay was worried about her. Then Kes' visions became more frequent and intense. He kept contact with Kathryn and Tuvok until Species 8472 came around for another attack and they were transported back to Voyager, both severely injured. Kathryn's injuries were more critical. When she ordered him to work with the Borg, he wanted to refuse, but she made him promise.

Chakotay intended to keep the promise, as hesitant as he was over the whole situation. When he found out the Borg had started the war and were attempting to assimilate the ship. He spaced all but Seven of Nine, who survived by hanging onto a Jefferies tube off the cargo bay.

Chakotay kept the Borg drone in the cargo bay. When asked to report to sickbay, he was relieved to see that Kathryn had recovered from her injuries. Although she was angry with him for ending the alliance, he explained the reason's why he had done so.

After their fight in sickbay, they stared at each other. He crossed the small distance between them to stand before her, "we need to do something," he said.

Kathryn nodded, she had a mild headache but was dealing with it. She reached behind her neck with her hand gently massaging. "I know," she agreed as she thought about past conversations with Seven of Nine. She sighed, "we can't trust her, but we need her to get us out of fluidic space."

"I'm open to whatever you suggest," he said, she stared at him. He knew that look, obviously something had occurred to her. "What?"

"There is something you can do," she said. She then sighed, "computer, activate EMH."

The Doctor appeared near them, "please state the - " and saw them. "Ah, Captain and Commander. What can I do for you?"

"Doctor," she said looking at him. "That drone corpse you autopsied, was there a transceiver with it?"

"Yes, I believe so," he replied. "Why?"

Kathryn glanced at Chakotay, what she was going to ask him to do would be difficult for him, but this was the only option she had. "The Commander's going on a very special assignment for us."

"Captain?" Chakotay asked confused.

She stared at him, "while on the cube I discovered Seven of Nine is a young, human female. I need you to get through to her human side - "

"With the transceiver?" he asked, she nodded and he paled. He sighed, I don't know - "

"Chakotay, it's the only way," she said gently. "While you distract her with that, B'Elanna can cut her connection with the rest of the Collective."

"How long?" he asked, trying not to feel sick over this.

"Doctor?" she asked looking at the EMH.

"I don't believe there'll be any side effects," he replied. "But, I believe the Commander will be able to handle the transceiver for a few minutes."

"That should be all we'll need," she said and turned to him. "Chakotay, will you do it?"

He stared at her knowing it was the only way. He nodded with a sigh. "I guess I have no choice, do I?"

Kathryn smiled gently and reached out touching his arm, "just this once, okay?" He nodded, she tapped her commbadge, "Janeway to Torres."

"Yes, Captain?" B'Elanna replied.

"Please report to sickbay," she said.

"On my way," she responded. "Torres out."

After B'Elanna arrived in sickbay, Kathryn explained the plan to her. B'Elanna was skeptical, but reasoned she'd have enough time to disrupt the connection. Once they were in agreement, Chakotay turned to the captain, "how will you let me know?"

She stared at him, "I'll contact you and say scorpion," she replied. He nodded, "go ahead, we're running out of time." Both B'Elanna and Chakotay started to leave, "good luck," she added. He glanced back at her with a nod and walked out. "Doctor, I'm heading up to the bridge. I think you should monitor the commander."

"Heading there now," he said taking a tricorder and they left with him following Chakotay and she left to the bridge.

The ship was successfully returned to regular space and Seven disconnected from the Borg, Seven of Nine was brought to sickbay. Chakotay had passed out in the cargo bay from his connection to her, but seemed to recover quickly. He left to get a list of ship's damages and reports to give to Kathryn when available.

Once he was done making the rounds of the departments, he compiled the entire report onto a padd and went to find her. Tuvok informed him she was on the holodeck and he left go talk to her.

When he found her in the daVinci program surrounded by candlelight, it reminded him of their final night on New Earth. She looked beautiful and thoughtful as they discussed what happened between them. His heart warmed when she claimed they worked it out together and it wasn't in her captain's voice, but as Kathryn. He felt secure again knowing she was talking to him like this.

The crew repaired the damage caused to the ship from the war. Seven was put on a security watch, Kes' condition didn't improve. Finally it came to a point that Kes had to leave. As much as the crew would miss her, they let her go. In a final act of friendship, she propelled the ship safely through Borg space.

As the ship traveled through uncharted space towards the Alpha Quadrant, Kathryn helped Seven adjust to life as an individual. Chakotay was still uneasy about the former Borg. When approached by her about what she could do on board it shocked him. Although her abilities suggested she might be useful in engineering B'Elanna didn't want her in there. Kathryn and he discussed the idea of updating the astrometrics lab with Seven's Borg knowledge and technology. They both agreed Harry would be the one to work with her on this project.

A month later Chakotay's shuttle had crash landed on the Kradin homeworld, he was brainwashed to believe he was fighting the Nemesis. Kathryn was worried for his safety. Tuvok located and returned him to the ship and sickbay where the Doctor examined him. Kathryn saw the lost look in his eyes and on his face. When the Kradin ambassador came to speak to him, the lost look instantly changed to anger and Chakotay abruptly left. She followed him out to the corridor, her heart went out to him seeing the anger there.

After he turned and left her in the corridor, she returned to sickbay to apologize for Chakotay's rude behavior. The ambassador understood. She escorted him to the transporter room and bid him goodbye. Once she had the ship on course again, she left the bridge to speak to Chakotay.

=/\=

She stopped in front of his door and pressed the call button, he answered letting her in. She entered finding the lights dim, "Chakotay?" she asked softly.

"In here," he replied from his bedroom.

Kathryn advanced slowly over and stopped in the doorway finding him lying in the dark. She leaned against the doorway, "how are you doing?" she asked gently.

He didn't respond for a moment, then said, "angry," she nodded understanding. "Just when I learned to stop hating - " he stopped his voice tight. "I can't stand feeling this way Kathryn."

She studied him for a moment, "I wish I knew how to tell you to get over this Chakotay. I'm sorry. What can I do?"

He was quiet, then replied his voice choked, "I don't know."

Kathryn felt her heart lurch at his anguish. She glanced down wanting to comfort him. As long as she he known him, she never had seen him show that he was feeling completely helpless and near tears. He was as strong as she was, but this last experience had ripped away the peace he had found. Peace that had been the first he had felt in three years.

The captain in her wanted to give him optimism, the friend in her wanted to be able to hold his hand but as his lover, just wanted to hold him. She debated the last thought. They hadn't been lovers since New Earth, almost two years ago. She couldn't believe it had been that long since...She shook her head, thinking if she lay beside him on the bed, that nothing would happen other than holding each other.

He needed it, pure and simple. He held her a few times in the past two years when she was going through a difficult time. Now it was time for her to return the gesture. With a sigh, she lifted her foot up reached beneath her trouser leg unzipped her boot and pulled it off, then did the same with the other boot. She straightened and walked around to the other side of the bed.

"Move over," she ordered gently.

Chakotay lifted his head confused, "what?" She put a hand on her hip and indicated with her head to make room on the bed to. Shocked, he did as told, giving her room. She slid onto the bed beside him and rolled against him, wrapping her arms around him. "Kathryn -?" As happy as he was to feel her beside him on his bed, he didn't understand her actions.

She lifted her head gazing into his eyes with a small smirk, "don't you know a helping hand when you see it?" He stared at her, "you've been through alot," she added gently. "I want you to know I'm here for you. Come here," she said and opened her arms more.

Chakotay's throat tightened and as embarrassed as he felt, tears stung the back of his eyes. This was his Kathryn offering to comfort him. His love for her broke through the wall he had made around his heart. He rolled into her arms, wrapping his arms tightly around her as a whimper escaped him and tears spilled down his face. Kathryn held him tightly letting him cry, his crying wasn't heavy or loud, just quiet and restrained. She gently stroked his back, crooning gently to him as his emotions poured out.

"It's okay," she whispered gently, "it's okay." He was pressing her into the mattress and despite everything, she loved the way he felt. She had missed his weight against her like this, she held him tighter, closing her eyes feeling her own tears. She placed a soft kiss on his neck, hearing him start to quiet as his breathing calmed. He started to lift himself off of her some, and she held him letting him know it was still okay. A moment later he had become quiet and was drying his face with a hand. She waited until he was ready.

A moment later he said, "thank you," his voice was muffled against her neck and shoulder.

She slid her hands up his back and gently took his face in her hands, making him look at her. "Your welcome," she smiled softly up at him. She slowly ran her hands alongside his head and into his hair, loving how he had let it grow out some in the past two years. "Feel better?"

Chakotay smiled at her, "yes." He lowered his head kissing her tenderly. She lifted her head responding, holding him. Several moments later he kissed her face and then her nose, "I love you Kathryn, this meant so much."

She reached up tracing his tattoo, "I love you, too," she whispered. "And, I wanted to," he kissed her gently again just by brushing his mouth with hers, knowing anything else was impossible. He pulled away, rolling beside her. She then sat up beside him, "Chakotay, this will pass. Your the most compassionate and peaceful man I have ever met. What happened with the Vori and Kradin was a test for you and you survived it."

"I don't feel peaceful," he muttered. "Not anymore."

She then turned, kneeling and faced him, "at this moment, you don't. But it's there, I can see it in your eyes."

"Even in the dark?" he asked, his tone light.

She smiled with a nod, "yes, even in the dark," and a soft laugh escaped.

Chakotay chuckled, "I knew it all along, that you had night vision," he held out his arms to her. She sank down into them, lying against him again, wrapping her arms around him. He placed a soft kiss on the side of her head and sighed, "I guess your right."

"Nothing will ever take the essence," she whispered, "of who you are Chakotay." She raised her head, staring at him, "don't ever forget that, my peaceful warrior."

He smiled at her, "is that an order?"

"Of course," she replied with a nod and he chuckled, reaching up to stroke the side of her face. She kissed his hand and then sighed, "I think I'm hungry. We should eat."

"I agree," he said and kissed her gently again. She responded and then pulled away, sitting up moved off the bed. He sat up and swung his legs over the side, watching her put her boots back on. Once she was done, she held out her hand. He reached out taking it he stood up as she led him out to his living area and the replicator.

The next three months as they cruised towards home, the crew were subjected to the medical experiments of the Srivani, B'Elanna and Tom became a couple and Seven had traced the route to her family's last destination before assimilation on an uninhabited moon in B'omar space. Then they had a brief encounter with the Krenim.

=/\=

After the course adjustment had been made to go around Krenim space, Kathryn and Chakotay left the duty shift and went their separate ways.

Later that night, Kathryn sat in her armchair with a book reading. She sighed arching her back raising her arm above her head, hooking it over the back of the chair. She was almost ready to call it a night, as she was due on the bridge in a few hours.

Suddenly her doorchime rang and she raised her head, curious as to who it was. She wondered if it were Seven, because it was becoming a habit for her newest crewmember to pay her late night visits when something was on her mind. She sighed, "come in," and sat up some as the doors slid open revealing Chakotay. Surprised, she watched him enter, he was dressed casually in a cream linen pullover top and tan trousers with soft suede shoes. He looked earthy and she couldn't help the ache that twitched in her abdomen at how handsome he looked to her.

She realized it had been two years since New Earth and that long since they had last made love. Her mouth went dry, as she felt how much her body and soul missed him. With him dressed this way she was reminded of their time there and she thought he was doing this to her on purpose.

She swallowed, forcing herself to speak, "Chakotay, it's so late. Why are you up?"

He walked over to her and knelt down in front of her, "I know it's late, but I wanted to give you something."

She sat up straighter closing the book, "your not proposing, are you?" she quipped.

Chakotay grinned, shaking his head, "not yet," he glanced up watching her eyes widen in shock. He sighed, "close your eyes please."

"Why?" she asked curious.

He smirked, "Kathryn, appease me please."

"Well, since you asked nicely," she replied and slowly did.

"Open up your hand," he instructed.

Kathryn opened her left hand over the closed book and felt a cool, dense metallic placed in her hand. She felt a chain and intricate engraving on the flat surface. She smiled softly, "what is it?"

"Happy birthday," he said lovingly.

She opened her eyes, gazing at him and then down at the object in her hand. A beautiful gold pocket watch with a heavy chain sat there. She gasped in shock, "Chakotay, it's beautiful."

"It's a replica of the chronometer," he told her, "worn by Captain Krave of the British Navy. Mechanical movement from the 19th century." She studied the watch, listening, "his ship was hit by a typhoon in the Pacific. Everyone back in England thought they were killed. That's not the case. Eight months later, he sailed his ship into London Harbor. There wasn't much left to her, a few planks, a half a sail. He got his crew home."

Kathryn then held it up to the light, "thank you. I'll cherish this always."

He smiled at her, still getting used to her new look. "I thought it was perfect for you."

She glanced down at him, "its what I would have chosen."

Chakotay then stood up on his knees and reached out gently stroking a lock of her hair, "may I ask you whatever possessed you to cut your hair?"

"You don't like it?" she asked as he gently ran his fingers through her shorter locks.

He was quiet, then shrugged, "I think it's too short. Maybe if you grow it out some."

"I will," she said, he stared at her. "I needed a change Chakotay, that's all."

"Okay," he replied with a small smirk.

They stared at each other, she sighed and lifted the book and took his hand, she handed it to him. "Here," she said.

He glanced down at what she gave him and turned it around reading the title. "Dante's Inferno?" He shrugged, "I haven't read it yet."

"It's not yours to keep," she told him. "I'm letting you borrow it."

"Thank you," he said opening the book and flipped through some of the pages. "I'll read it tonight - "

"It's not a homework assignment," she said wryly. "Read it at your own pace and give it back when you're done."

He nodded with a soft smile, "I will." He sighed, "well, goodnight Kathryn."

"Goodnight," she said, he leaned over placing a soft kiss on her forehead and then stood up. She smiled watching him walk out as the doors slid closed behind him.

Out in the corridor Chakotay stood for a moment to open the book and the inscription inside the book caught his eye. It was an engagement gift from Mark, her fiancée. He felt his heart lurch, realizing she let him borrow her most cherished of possessions. It was a way of letting him know she still loved him, especially if it was a gift of love given from another who loved her.

He smiled softly and walked back to his quarters.

The next couple of months passed by as the crew made an interesting first contact with the waking species that invaded their dreams. After that encounter, it took a day or two before the crew was able to return to their regular sleep patterns. Kathryn's insomnia didn't go away, it only seemed to get worse that month. She was still disturbed by the nightmare the aliens showed her of her crew never making it home.

A couple of week's later, Seven called the captain and Chakotay down to astrometrics to inform them about a federation ship she had detected on the long range sensors through the network they had detected. Both were excited at this chance to contact the Alpha Quadrant. They had rushed back up to the bridge to send a message.

When the message failed to get through, the Doctor's program was sent. The Doctor had his own adventure on his extraordinary away mission. He returned giving the crew added hope now that their families knew they were all alive and well in the Delta Quadrant. It was at this time they first encountered the Hirogen.

=/\=

That night they sat on her sofa in her ready room drinking tea and coffee. She leaned into him, propping her head up against her hand. She was sleepy, but knew she couldn't sleep because she was so exhilarated from finally making contact with home.

"Do you think she's still alive?" she asked him softly.

"My sister?" he asked, she nodded. He sighed, "I can only hope."

"So do I," she agreed, smiling softly.

He reached across the small distance they were sitting and gently stroked her fingers that held the coffee cup. "I want you to meet her," he said. "When we finally make it home."

"I'd love to," she told him, their gaze meeting and holding steady.

Less than a month later, the first letters arrived from home. Chakotay was one of the first to get one. He left the bridge to read it in his office.

The news wasn't good as he read about the fate of the remaining Maquis. He sat in anger near tears knowing his friends had been killed off in an attack. Now he had to tell B'Elanna and the rest, who wouldn't take it so well.

The only good news he received was that his sister was alive, but in hiding until it was safe to come out. At that time, he didn't know of Kathryn's letter and news. Everything was cut short when the Hirogen ship in the area began disrupting the transmission and captured Tuvok and Seven who were out fixing the array.

When it was all over and Seven and Tuvok were safely back on board and had been treated for their injuries, Kathryn and Chakotay sat in the ready room exhausted. Kathryn leaned her head back against the sofa as she propped her feet up on the coffee table, while he observed her.

After discussing her broken engagement, he leaned towards her, "so what about us?"

She stared at him, wishing she could give him the answer he wanted to hear. She sighed, "lately the Delta Quadrant lately hasn't given me time for a relationship, you know?"

"I know," he replied softly, looking down.

She sighed, "oh Chakotay, you know my position on this matter - "

He took her hand, "Kathryn, I'll wait," he kissed the inside of her wrist and palm. She felt a tingle travel through her and drew in a breath quietly. He leaned closer to her, as their eyes caught, "that was a very good book, just so you know."

"You finished it?" she asked, as he leaned in to kiss her.

"Thanks for sharing it," he said as her face lifted up to his.

"Anytime," she replied just as they were about to kiss, they heard the comm chirp.

"The party's already started," Neelix's voice said, "and there are two people missing!"

Both smiled and he chuckled softly, "we're on our way!" she called. He pulled away, offering his hand. She took it and he pulled her to her feet, they hooked their arms and headed out. Once outside the ready room he took advantage of the fact that the bridge was empty for the party and he pulled her up against him kissing her gently. She responded, reaching up cupping the side of his face.

A moment later he pulled away, looking at her, "let's see what Neelix did for the crew this time."

She nodded, "this should be interesting," and he held her hand leading her up the steps to the lift.

The next eight months that passed by were somewhat turbulent and definitely memorable. After Voyager was taken over by the Hirogen for several weeks for the holodeck abilities, Kathryn willingly gave them the technology to save their race. The crew were learning to live without those who had died in the takeover.

Kathryn went on the alert when the Omega molecule was discovered. She was prepared to die in order to stop the destruction it would cause. When Chakotay approached her in astrometrics wanting to help, she was touched and slightly amused when he told her she wasn't always reasonable. As soon as the crew were involved with capturing the molecule, the stress became easier to deal with. But, deep inside, she felt a sadness growing in her chest and she fought it off as much as she could.

A few months later, after the one month stasis through a dangerous nebula, she was going through a drawer in her desk and found a handwritten personal journal. She stared at it wondering when she wrote it until she found the date. She sat down shocked reading of a Ramurean defector who had lived on board and got involved with Chakotay. She was stunned, not believing that he'd actually get involved with another woman after being the way they were for so long. She wondered if he remembered this as she had stated in the log that these aliens were forgotten within hours of being gone. Perplexed, but not believing it all, she folded the paper up and tucked it away in a book.

After Christmas, they encountered Arturis, the linguist alien who tried to have the ship assimilated as revenge for his people that were lost to the Borg after the war with Species 8472 ended. Although they survived the encounter, Kathryn wondered if they could ever incorporate the slipstream technology into their engines. After much debate and discussion, they mutually agreed to test and build the new engine in hopes of making it home sooner.

When they entered their fifth year in the Delta Quadrant, Kathryn's depression took over as they entered the sector the crew had aptly named "the Void." She tried to keep a presence on the bridge for the crew, but couldn't take it anymore.

She stood up with a sigh, "you have the bridge, commander."

Chakotay glanced up at her with a nod, "yes, ma'am. For how long?"

Kathryn chewed her bottom lip for a moment with hand on her hip and shrugged, "for as long as you want. I'll be in my quarters, let me know if anything exciting happens," and left the bridge.

With her departure, Chakotay was concerned, but not quite aware of her depression.

=/\=

For the next several weeks Kathryn remained in her quarter's and left her lights off and sat in her armchair ready to burst into tears one minute and then ready to take out a wall the next. Her emotions swapped between anger and a deep sadness over her personal situation and how her decisions had stranded them in the Delta Quadrant for 75 years.

Chakotay paid her a regular weekly visit to update her on ship's status. That even made her sadder because of the loving relationship she had to sacrifice with him for protocols. At one point when he visited, she was ready to throw it all away just to have him take her there on the floor, to satisfy both their long lost hunger and desire for each other. She didn't tell him how she felt and let him leave.

The next two weeks she was sleeping more, but in her armchair. One morning she took a quick look at herself in the mirror, discovering she had started to age more. Her once trim figure was filling out some at the hips and her breasts were starting to sag. She leaned forward putting her face in her hands ready to cry. She wondered if Chakotay could still love her looking like this, she no longer felt beautiful.

In a brief dream while napping in her chair, she remembered New Earth. It had been three years since the night they made love for the first time against the wall. Her body yearned for his as she smiled remembering that they had been so swept away with the passion that they'd done it. She woke up to him visiting and offering another featureless report. She listened to it wanting to talk, but her depression wouldn't allow it, she just nodded and he left.

It was during that visit that he realized the depth of her depression. He was at a loss in dealing with her. The woman he loved was slowly disappearing behind this shell. He knew he had to do something to reach her.

The next morning at the daily briefing, there wasn't much to report except for area scans of theta radiation. He took the reports, compiled it and headed down to her quarters. When she let him in, he gave the report. She took it, claiming the radiation would be worth investigating. After that, he suggested a game of velocity on the holodeck and she turned him down.

He heard the anger in her speech when she spoke to him about why they were in the Delta Quadrant, he also couldn't mistake the suppressed tears he heard. She wanted to cry and he wanted to hold her, but something held him back. She dismissed him and submerged herself back in the shadows of her viewport. It wasn't long after that they made first contact with the night beings that lived in the void and the Malon.

Helping the night beings prevent the Malon's dumping their radiation in their region of space had added the side benefit of allowing them to take a shortcut across the spatial void and Voyager sealed the spatial vortex behind them. They found themselves a few more months closer to home.

A few weeks later, as a result of a transporter accident, nanoprobes from Seven, the Doctor's mobile emitter and the DNA from Ensign Mulchaey created the hybrid drone, One. Just as he was learning to live on aboard ship, the Borg collective detected him. In order to save the ship, he boarded the sphere and destroyed it. He survived the for a short time, but refused medical treatment and died to prevent his advanced technology falling into the Collective's hands.

The next month they encountered Species 8472 again and opened actual dialogue with them. Once the ship was on its way again, Kathryn and Chakotay sat on her sofa in the ready room musing over the first contact. She glanced at him with a soft smile, "so, how was she?"

Chakotay was confused. He looked at her, "how was who?"

"Come on, Chakotay," she said lightly, teasing. "Lieutenant Archer?" 

He frowned lowering his eyes, "oh, Kathryn, that meant nothing." Then looked at her, "how'd you find out?" She smirked, he was getting nervous thinking she was upset or something. "Are you going to tell me?"

"Boothby," she replied, finally. He nodded with a smirk, but didn't respond. She sighed, "so, how was she? I mean, kissing an 8472? That had to be an adventure itself."

He smiled softly, "oh, it was." She smirked, he reached out touching her face tenderly, "but, it wasn't like kissing you." She smiled and leaned into his hand kissing it gently, his finger stroking her cheekbone.

Also that month they created the new Delta Flyer to allow them to retrieve a probe from a gas giant and discovered and dealt with B'Elanna's own self-abusive depression. The next two weeks, they rescued Tuvok, Sam Wildman and Tom from a crashed and buried shuttle.

Shortly after that the slipstream engine was completed. At the dedication in the engine room, Chakotay stood close behind her as she gave her speech to the crew. Her hair had grown out some finally and framed her face as she leaned forward and spoke. He couldn't help his reaction when she did that, as her hip strained against her uniform trousers. He remembered the garden on New Earth...his attention was drawn back to the present when she turned to him, indicating for him to walk with her.

Her smile was one of success and confidence that this engine was going to work. He still had his reservations and waited to run some of his own calculations before the launch the next morning. When she invited him to dinner, he was thrilled and eagerly accepted. They parted at the lift and he returned to his quarters to look at the data again.

=/\=

She answered her door surrounded by candlelight with her uniform jacket off just wearing her short sleeved shirt and trousers. He felt his heart lurch, at how beautiful she looked as the candlelight softened the features on her face, reminding him of earlier years.

He entered her quarters and noted the way she had set the table with white wine. She was planning this to be a special dinner, he hated to talk business, but wanted her to know his own reservations about it.

He did and she told him they were going anyway. Her determination didn't surprise him, but the look in her eyes did. She wanted to go home, she wanted their life back. It was obvious when she leaned over cupping the side of his face and he had all he could do not to kiss her.

After dinner he sat in her armchair while she sat curled up on her sofa with a pillow beneath her. Each had a glass of wine and they stared at each other, he smiled softly at her.

"Chakotay," she asked softly, "what do you plan on doing when we finally get home?"

He smirked at her, "lots."

She leaned forward curious, "what?"

"Do you really want to know?" he asked. She nodded. "I plan to take you in my arms and kiss you so passionately that you can't breathe."

Kathryn's smile grew brighter, "Chakotay - " and stopped lowering her eyes. She wanted him so badly at that moment and was happy to know he still found her beautiful. "What else?" she asked feeling a blush creep up her face.

Chakotay leaned forward making her look at him, "you won't ask me to stop," he replied.

Kathryn then laughed softly taking the pillow and gently swatted him with it, he chuckled. "I can't wait," she said, her voice growing husky. He stared at her, "I mean it Chakotay, I really...can't." She reached out her hand to him, he took it gently squeezing it.

He put his glass on the coffee table and moved closer by kneeling before her on the floor as they stared at each other. He pulled her towards him and took her face in his hands gently, "Kathryn, have I told you recently how beautiful you are?"

She smiled softly with a shake of her head, "not recently."

"Your beautiful," he told her gently. "Very beautiful."

She reached out cupping his face, "Chakotay, that mean's so much still. I - haven't felt beautiful in a very long time."

Chakotay smiled at her, running his hand up into her hair, she leaned into it. "You've grown so much more each year - " and a tear slid down her face. He brushed it away and leaned forward, kissing her gently. She responded, leaning into him as her mouth opened to his. He wrapped his arms around her pulling her up against him.

Kathryn didn't hold back as she wrapped her arms around him, pressing her own body against his. They kept kissing gently for several minutes, but knowing they couldn't go any further, even though the desire and need was there. She slowly pulled away, as he began to kiss her face and slowly work down to her throat as she tilted back her head. "Chakotay - " she whispered trembling under his touch and fighting the desire that threatened to consume her. "We can't - "

He sighed with a slight nod, "I know," and pulled her into his arms. She held him, wrapping hers around him, placing her head on his shoulder as he stroked her back. "I love you Kathryn, I always will."

She closed her eyes holding him tightly, "I love you, too." He placed a tender kiss on her neck and she sighed, "but we should really call it a night. It's a big day tomorrow and your leading us home."

"Your right," he agreed and looked at her, they smiled. He slowly stood, she did as well and he held her hand. "See you at the briefing."

She nodded, "see you at 0700 Chakotay," he headed for the door. "Goodnight, sleep well."

"You too," he said and kissed her gently once more, then walked out.

Kathryn sighed and smiled in anticipation of resuming their relationship within the next few days after they had been in the Alpha Quadrant for a few days. She turned, walked over to the dining table, picking up the dishes and blowing out the candles before going to bed herself.

Unfortunately, the mission failed when both ships fell out of the slipstream. They were several light years closer to home, but not enough to make it within the next few days. When the crew accepted the fact that the slipstream wouldn't work, they dismantled the engine and resumed the course for home. Both Kathryn and Chakotay's hearts fell in disappointment and once again they put their needs last.

The next few months saw them dealing with a variety of crises starting with Seven's "multiple personality" regression that was caused by the Borg vinculum. Then Kathryn had to deal with the morality issue of the space borne parasite that had attached itself to B'Elanna and threatened to take her life. The Doctor wanted to use a holographic representation of a known Cardassian war criminal to save her, despite the protests of the former Maquis and Bajorian's on board.

After the briefing room cleared out, Kathryn sat in her chair quietly with Chakotay standing nearby. She gazed over at him, "am I doing the right thing Chakotay? For B'Elanna? You know how she feel's about Cardassians."

He sighed, turned and leaned up against the table, staring at the nearby computer display. "She's not going to be happy," he said finally.

She nodded and slowly stood, "I know this must be bothering you - "

" - Kathryn, despite my personal beliefs," he said looking at her, "it shouldn't matter. B'Elanna's life is the question and we'd both hate to lose her." He shrugged, "your doing the right thing. B'Elanna will just have to accept it, even if she doesn't want to." A moment later he felt her hand on his arm, their gaze caught.

"Thank you," she said and he nodded.

B'Elanna's life was saved, but the Cardassian hologram was deleted to prevent the growth of animosity among the crew. B'Elanna was angry at Kathryn for awhile but both Tom and Chakotay spoke with her explaining that despite how a solution was found to save her life, it was done in her best interest. B'Elanna eventually forgave Kathryn and even the Doctor as she realized that she didn't want to be apart from her friends.

When Tom disobeyed Kathryn's orders to save the Moneans from they're failing generator to protect their aquatic world. She was angry, very angry. At the beginning of the first contact with the Moneans, she thought she and Tom had found an actual understanding as friends. Then he stole the Delta Flyer to repair the generators after she specifically told him not to because of the Prime Directive. She hated ordering Tuvok to fire on the Flyer to prevent Tom from completing his personal mission, it nearly killed her to do so.

When he returned to the ship, she had security escort him to the ready room. When she disciplined him for his actions by demoting him and sentencing him for thirty days in the brig, he made his protest. She logged it and had him taken away.

That night Chakotay didn't visit her for dinner, he wanted to let her cool off. Unfortunately, her cooling off period took almost that whole length of time. She let Harry visit Tom briefly and had Neelix provide him with just what he needed in terms of food so he wouldn't starve. But she had to make an example of him in order to show the rest of the crew that she didn't play favorites where discipline was concerned even with senior officers and friends.

From that point on, she felt a part of her die and she withdrew from the ship's social functions, unless it was absolutely necessary to make an appearance. Chakotay saw what was happening but no matter what he tried to do to make her see what she was doing, she wouldn't listen.

Within a week or so after Tom returned to duty, they entered Devore space where Kathryn played a dangerous game of cat and mouse with Inspector Kashyk while hiding the telepaths they had encountered shortly before, on board. Chakotay was concerned for her safety and felt slightly jealous in seeing her raw attraction for the inspector. He was relieved to discover that she was playing the inspector like a violin and had set it up so Tuvok, Vorik and the indigenous telepaths had time to escape through the wormhole, where they later joined them.

Several weeks later she found herself drafted to play Queen Arachnia in Tom's "Captain Proton" holo-novel because of the photonic aliens who made first contact with them through the holodeck. 

=/\=

She was about ready to leave for the holodeck to complete the mission when her doorchime rang.

With a sigh, she walked over and answered it. The doors slid open revealing Chakotay whose eyes lit up in amusement and raw desire seeing her in the revealing costume and wig. "Something I can do for you, commander?" she asked, trying not to notice the look in his eyes.

He shook his head with a soft smile, "no. I just wanted to see you before I missed this performance of yours."

She smirked, "Chakotay, I'm doing this under protest - " she turned away from him. He followed her, the doors slid closed, "besides, why aren't you on the bridge?"

"I told you," he said standing behind her. "You look incredible Kathryn."

"I feel like an idiot," she claimed glancing at him.

He shook his head, "oh no, your gorgeous. Doctor Chaotica doesn't stand a chance against you." She smiled at him, he reached out touching her chin, "do you have your pheromones?"

She thought for a moment, then reached over sliding her hand down to the bottom of her sleeve finding a hidden pocket. She pulled out the small glass vial, "right here. Why?"

"Promise to use them on me?" he asked seductively.

Kathryn blushed, "Chakotay!" She frowned, "go back up to the bridge. I need to get going."

"I'm on my way," he replied, taking her arm he pulled her to him. She stared up at him, "hey, don't seduce that Doctor - "

"Jealous?" she asked with a quirky smile.

"Of a hologram?" he asked, shocked. "Never." He leaned down, kissing her gently, "stay safe Kathryn. Let me know when it's all done."

"I will," she replied and he walked out.

Kathryn found she had fun in the Captain Proton program while distracting Chaotica so the aliens could escape back to their own dimension. As she left the holodeck, Tom thanked her for helping out. She told him he had an active imagination and returned to her quarters to change.

She figured that if Tom asked her again to participate, she wasn't sure she would.

The next couple of months, they dealt with rescuing Tom, Tuvok and the Doctor from the gravity sinkhole, it ran into the Borg again and saving Seven from the Queen - Kathryn had a feeling she'd be seeing the Borg Queen again. 

When Kathryn was determined to go get Seven back from the Borg, Chakotay was unsure. Although the former drone was part of the crew and had been for over a year, part of him still didn't trust her. She had come a long way since he had severed her from the Collective. Seven was Kathryn's protegee, he couldn't help but feel that their relationship had become a surrogate mother/daughter situation and in his opinion, it was Kathryn's way of dealing with the fact that they couldn't have children until they returned home.

That's when it occurred to him that he was still thinking in that sense. He knew the feelings were still there as was their deep friendship, but Kathryn was starting to slowly distance herself from the crew and him. They still had their weekly dinners, but her relaxed side was practically non-existent. Lately, it seemed when an incident or enemy rubbed her the wrong way, she just went full out to get back at whoever or whatever for threatening her crew or even a single crewmember.

He just hoped this next mission wouldn't get them all assimilated.

=/\=

When she decided to go after Seven by refitting the Flyer's engine with the transwarp engine, he approached her in the ready room to protest the idea of her going in the ready room.

"Chakotay," she said firmly, "we have to go after her - "

"In Borg space?" he asked, staring at her. He sighed, "why do you have to go?"

She stared at him, "because I do." They stared at each other, "Chakotay, she's part of our family now, you know that."

"What if you don't make it back?" he asked. "I - " he stopped and then continued. "I don't want to lose you."

Kathryn's face softened as she was touched by his admission. "I'll be fine," he shrugged. "Chakotay, I need you to support me in this, please."

He stepped over to her, as she leaned against her desk, he gazed at her. "I'm always there for you. I just want you to be careful."

Kathryn stared at him, her mouth quirked slightly in a soft smile. "I will," she said and reached up to touch his shoulder. He intercepted her hand and kissed the inside of her wrist, she felt a shiver travel through her. She sighed softly fighting the desire that his touch sent coursing through her. "Just - be there when we get back."

"You have no reason to worry," he told her as she lifted her eyes to his.

"I know," she said and slowly pulled her hand from his. She sighed, "I think it's time to go," he nodded. She pulled away from the desk and walked out, he followed her.

The rescue took a little over five hours. When the Flyer returned through the conduit, Chakotay thought they were all safe, until more Borg readings followed them. He breathed a sigh of relief when he saw that it was only debris coming through the collapsed conduit.

Once the Flyer had returned to the ship, B'Elanna immediately took the transwarp engine and attached it to the warp engine. After a series of tests, Kathryn deemed it was safe enough to use and she had Tom go to transwarp.

After Alpha shift had ended and they were well into Beta, Kathryn and Chakotay left the bridge for dinner. He offered to cook, so she told him she'd be back in a few minutes after checking on Seven.

Kathryn chimed his door shortly later and he answered. She walked in to find the lights dim, the table set and Chakotay standing in the middle of the room. He wasn't wearing his uniform jacket and his sleeves were pushed up slightly. She bit her lip, trembling slightly relieved that the mission was over and a success. Then he opened his arms to her, seeming to sense her mood.

Kathryn's throat tightened with unshed tears, she slowly walked over to him and slid her arms around him, resting her head against his shoulder. He enfolded her tightly against him, placing a soft kiss on the top of her head. He felt a shudder from her and smiled, happy to know she came to him for comfort still. "Welcome home Kathryn," he said tenderly. "Welcome home," and she let a few tears slip from her eyes as they held each other.

The next surprise was Harry's involvement with the Varo girl. Although she was disappointed in him, it occurred to her how much he had grown in the past five years. She began to see him in a different light and found him a better person.

When they ran into the subspace "sandbar" and Chakotay became delirious from the chaotic space they were trapped in, she was extremely worried. Not about the ship for getting back into normal space, but about him for retaining his sanity.

His recognition of her in sickbay was reassuring, but he was scared to communicate with the aliens to get the needed information and she knew it. After convincing him he had to do it to save the crew and ship, he relented. When contact was finally made and he came to the bridge to plot the course out of chaotic space, she was grateful.

After he collapsed from exhaustion on the bridge, she had him brought to sickbay to sleep and recover. When he woke up a few hours later, she was standing beside him. He groaned putting a hand to his face, she smiled gently at him. 

"You'll have a headache for a day or so," she told him softly. He peered up at her, "I'm giving you leave for the next few days to rest up."

"At this moment," he said, "it sounds good." She reached out patting his hand gently and left.

When they met in the corridor the next morning, he was on his way to the holodeck for his boxing program. She found he looked rested. He told her the extra time wouldn't be necessary and she told him she'd see him the next morning for duty as they parted at the lift.

For the next couple of weeks after, the crew searched for more food and dilithium. When Kathryn outsmarted the Think Tank they had a few more run-ins with the Malon. Then they spent a few days on the Kadi homeworld to open negotiations for trade.

Things were relatively quiet as the year ended. Neelix and Tom began quizzing each other on their homeworld "wonders of the world." When Kathryn found out, she was impressed and began her own research on Shannon O' Donnell, who according to family history helped build the Millennium Gate.

Unfortunately, what Tom told her and Seven found in the archives, Shannon didn't actually help create it, but just advised on its construction. That disappointed her slightly. She finally chalked it up to an error in family history. She was surprised when Neelix called her to the messhall for the surprise party.

The family portrait of Shannon O'Donnell Janeway was given to her and Kathryn willingly posed with the staff so the Doctor could take a new family portrait, which also touched her. Chakotay stood away from her, as much as he wanted to sit beside her and take her hand, he didn't. He couldn't help but be slightly jealous over Tom and B'Elanna's happiness.

=/\=

During the party, she and Chakotay sat on a sofa talking about their ancestors. Eventually he ended up entertaining her with stories of his sister from when they were younger and living on Dorvan Five.

"So, she thought she was a descendent," she asked shocked, "of a Mayan princess?"

"Yes," he replied grinning and she laughed softly.

"You do realize," she said staring at him, "that a lot of little girls wished they were princesses at one time or another?"

"Did you?" he asked her curiously.

"Did I what?" she asked.

"Ever want to be a princess?"

Kathryn stared at him, she sighed, "maybe at one time. But," she sighed, "reality took over when the scientist in me came out."

"How old was that?"

"When I turned eight," she replied simply. He nodded and the Doctor who wanted to take a picture of them on the sofa approached them.

After the party broke up, they headed back to their quarters. They stopped outside hers and he turned to her, "how much of you wanted to be a princess?" he asked curious.

Kathryn stared at him wondering where this was going. She sighed, "I'd say at least 50 percent. Why?"

He shrugged, "what would you say if I made you my princess when we finally get home?"

Her eyes widened in shock, "Chakotay! Don't say things like that. We've still a way from home."

Chakotay stared at her, unsure of her answer. He sighed, "well, it's something I'd like to do."

"I know, but - " she said softly.

He leaned towards her making her look at him, "Kathryn, it's just a thought. Besides, I'd like you to start gardening again," and she smirked as he reminded her. He sighed, "goodnight Kathryn," he placed a soft kiss on her forehead and walked down the corridor to his own quarters. She entered hers slightly confused at his "impromptu proposal" and the gardening comment.

During the next two months, they encountered Captain Braxton again, and then a sentient warhead that took over the Doctor's program and held B'Elanna and Harry hostage in sickbay. Once that danger had passed, it was Christmas.

The earth holiday was celebrated by most on board, except for the Bajorian's, Vulcan's and Bolians, who held their own celebration.

When the New Year rolled in, Neelix held his annual party on the holodeck with Tom's help in creating New York's Times Square, including fireworks. By that point, Kathryn wasn't feeling festive much anymore. She showed up to the party alone, dressed in a simple white pantsuit with her hair pulled back. She stayed until the toast was made and left. Chakotay wondered why she was distancing herself from the crew now. He intended to ask her about her sudden mood change, but never got the chance.

The received the distress call from the Equinox a week later.

After the initial rescue with the survivors recovering in sickbay, Chakotay began to wonder what would happen to his position on board as Ransom was now the next highest ranking officer.

He didn't have long to wonder about it though as Ransom and the rest of the Equinox survivors escaped their security hold with the help of their EMH. From that point on, Kathryn's anger towards Ransom became blind-sided.

The line was drawn when she tried scaring information out of Crewman Lessing by lowering the shields that kept the aliens at bay. He wasn't going to allow her to continue method of interrogation where a life was threatened. When she glared at him for saving Lessing's life and walked away, he wondered where the woman he knew and loved had disappeared.

Their confrontation in the briefing room was the tip of the iceberg and he wondered if it was the end of both their personal and professional relationship. When she relieved him of duty, he left the bridge angrily taking his phaser with him to protect himself from the creatures back to his quarters to wait out the upcoming battle and hopefully for her to call him back.

When it had all quieted down, he sat on his sofa with his face in his hands debating both their futures when the comm chirped, it was Tuvok calling him to report to the bridge. He showed and Kathryn led him into the briefing room where he stood watching and listening to her reprimand each of the Equinox crew, reducing their ranks to crewman. After the former Equinox crew were dismissed and security led them away, she still didn't talk to him.

He followed her out onto the bridge and they separated. It was then he noticed the battle damage for the first time. Her mood was somber as he stared at her from the upper level. She finally spoke to him making small talk about the party Neelix was planning, she told him she'd bring the croutons since he was bringing the salad.

When she called him over, her tone was subdued and he could tell she felt terrible for what had happened between them. That's when he spotted the ship's plaque on the floor. He walked over picking it up and dusting it off. She held it with him as she brushed it off herself and her voice was sentimental as she remembered their early years. He moved to put it back on the bulkhead and she didn't say anything.

After the Equinox incident, their partnership became strained.

Once the ship was repaired from the battle, some crewmembers suffered from stress induced anxiety. Chakotay was busy counseling some, which he preferred to do as it gave him something to focus on other than his relationship with Kathryn.

Despite their rocky nature of their relationship at the start of their sixth year in the Delta Quadrant, they continued to have their weekly meals, although now, he left almost immediately afterwards. His heart was aching for her, but she had closed herself off to him and he was at a loss as what to do.

They dealt with the Doctor's holo-dreams, some former Borg who needed Seven to help them regain their own individuality, Tom's obsession with a new shuttle that had a mind of its own, Tuvok's memory loss and making first contact with the Vaadwaur.

Then was his mission to retrieve the Mars space capsule in the spatial anomaly. Kathryn seemed to sense his enthusiasm for this mission and warmed to the idea of letting him lead. The last thing he wanted was to get injured, but he let his own historical desire get in the way of his better judgement. After he recovered in sickbay, it seemed as although they were starting to repair their relationship again, until Seven's experiment with her upgraded alcove nearly divided them again.

After that, she remained distant with him, but their weekly dinner's still happened. Most crew discussions took place in her ready room though and she wasn't letting him in her personal space anymore. He didn't really feel their bond or connection anymore. 

When Reg Barclay made contact with them that afternoon through the Pathfinder project, he could hear the tears in her voice. She was happy that they had finally made contact with home, even though it was brief. Neelix pulled out the champagne and glasses at her request and that evening, they celebrated with the entire crew.

=/\=

She stood next to him as Tom made the toast to his father and Reg. When Seven showed in the messhall with the news of two-way communications becoming possible on a regular basis everyone was pleased with the news and then dispersed.

When they were alone she glanced at him, "are you going to try to contact your sister when it's possible?" she asked softly.

"Yes," he replied meeting her gaze. "If I know where she is."

"She still in hiding?" she asked. He nodded. "I hope you can Chakotay. I truly do."

He stared at her, "well, it'd be nice." He sighed, "what about your mother? Are you going to contact her?" She wasn't looking at him anymore, but elsewhere in the room. This made him uncomfortable, she was avoiding him again, and now she was doing it in front of everyone.

"I would like to," she replied and then sighed, "but Starfleet will probably want most of my attention in the beginning." He nodded in agreement, her distance was making him sad and confused. "At least it feels like we are closer to home now."

"I know," he said, he was about to ask her if something was wrong when she glanced at him.

"If you'll excuse me, commander," she said and walked over to where Seven and Tuvok were talking.

Chakotay cursed quietly shaking his head angry at what had happened to their once beautiful but now non-existent relationship. He didn't hear B'Elanna approach, "what's wrong Chakotay?"

He looked at her, "wrong?"

"You were just shaking your head," she said softly, she caught his glance towards Kathryn, Tuvok and Seven. "What's going on between you two?"

Chakotay didn't answer for a moment, he then sighed looking away, "she's changed B'El."

"What do you mean?"

He shrugged, "she's - distanced herself from me personally. I'm not sure where we stand anymore."

"You still love each other?" she asked softly making sure no one else heard.

"I do," he replied in the same tone. "I'm no longer sure about her. Now that we're closer to the Alpha Quadrant, she's going to be more determined to get the crew home."

B'Elanna glanced back over in Kathryn's direction, she was working her way out of the room. Her usual tactic these past several months. That's when she realized Chakotay was right about her, something had changed about her. She sighed looking at him, "I don't know why she's acting this way Chakotay, but I'm sure she's got her reasons." He nodded, "once we're home, it should change."

"I hope so," he said, "but I don't know B'El."

B'Elanna gently patted his arm and went to look for Kathryn again, finding she was gone. She glanced up at Chakotay and he turned, walking away to talk to Ayala.

A couple of week's later Tom's new holoprogram, Fairhaven, became a popular past-time for the crew. Chakotay chose not to visit the village as it really wasn't his type of program. He found Kathryn was spending her free time in the program. It didn't bother him knowing she was an aficionado of Irish history. When Neelix convinced him to attend the dinner at the Tavern, he had secret hopes to finally spend time with her.

His initial surprise when he found her with the bartender hologram was hidden well. Even so she looked slightly embarrassed to be caught showing affection for this hologram. He reassured her later it was okay, although in truth it was tearing him apart.

Kathryn was suddenly aware of how attracted to Michael she was. Especially after altering his program to more attractive specifications. She knew she had been avoiding Chakotay and was surprised he approved of her spending time with Michael. When he gave his approval, the hurt in his eyes was evident and she didn't know what to say.

She decided to end her relationship with Michael a couple of weeks later knowing she was being unfair to Chakotay. She still loved him deeply, but was just afraid to tell him now since they'd grown apart.

As she stood in her quarters one evening holding the Irish books she replicated, she decided to work on her relationship with Chakotay again. He hadn't shown any of his affection for her in months. She smiled softly as she remembered how been over a year ago he told had her how beautiful she was and how much he still loved her.

When had they grown apart? She couldn't remember and she realized she wanted it all back with him again.

With that decision made, she turned and walked over to her replicator placing the books in it and recycled them.

Little did she realize, Michael was very attracted to her. Several days later when she entered sickbay after the fight and the Doctor informed her of who started it and why, she was shocked.

After their talk in the corridor, she rethought her decision to avoid Fairhaven until there was no reason to anymore.

Chakotay had heard of the fight in Fairhaven. By that point, he had decided to no longer attend the program and took on extra work until the storm hit. When the storm came through it took most of Fairhaven with it, he was quietly pleased about it.

After the storm, the ship resumed its course, they got trapped in the orbit of the planet which time passed faster than on any other known world. A few weeks after they rescued the survivors of a Qomar ship. Kathryn couldn't wait to be rid of these guests, since their attitudes of superiority were driving her crazy. Things were fine until they became fans of the Doctor's singing and she relented in having a brief shoreleave at their homeworld where the Doctor was asked to perform.

At the Doctor's debut, she sat next to Chakotay in the music hall and was moved by his performance. Chakotay glanced at her occasionally throughout and wanted to take her hand. Right at the end of the performance, she glanced at him with a soft smile and he returned it.

Although his "ego" was bruised, the Doctor realized, he could easily be replaced by the Qomar with a more superior program. He returned to the ship where Kathryn had him resume his duties in sickbay.

The ship entered a new sector with several uncharted systems to observe. Kathryn wanted to conduct various repairs and give the crew a small break at the same time. She suggested that Chakotay, Tom, Harry and Neelix take the Flyer out to survey the nearby system for any minerals or food they might need.

While they were gone, Kathryn found she missed Chakotay during this period. Although their relationship hadn't improved much, she had missed his presence by her side on the bridge. When they returned to the ship, she had some crew nearby ready to unload the Flyer of its supplies.

Everything seemed relatively normal until the away team started to experience nightmares. When Neelix took Naomi hostage in the messhall, she realized something had to be done. Chakotay, Tom, Neelix and Harry looked horrible from the lack of sleep and the "memories" they were experiencing.

She ordered their logs reviewed and stood with Chakotay and Seven in astrometrics. She was feeling somewhat playful again and teased him about the photogenic alien they encountered. He responded back just as playfully and she warmed to it again.

Once she saw away team's next location, the memories of an alien past invaded her mind. Chakotay gazed at her, "Kathryn?" he said, curious. That's when she succumbed telling him they killed the civilians. He reached out pulling her to him as she fought, "call the Doctor!" he ordered Seven, who was already doing just that.

The Doctor arrived and managed to sedate her. She collapsed against Chakotay and he gently lifted her up in his arms. The Doctor reported that more were succumbing and he was setting up extra beds in the messhall. Chakotay decided to bring her there to wake up. He debated whether or not to carry her to the messhall or transport her in order to save her dignity. He tried not to hold her too close in order not to raise suspicions about them and ordered a beam out to the messhall. The Doctor led him over to a bed next to the viewport. He gently laid her down on the bed as memories of her illness on New Earth flashed through his mind. After he brushed her hair out of her face, he straightened and left for the bridge, having the ship go to Terakus for some answers, knowing that when she woke up, it'd be the order she'd give.

Once she had recovered and they arrived at the planet, they went into full alert. Armed with phasers and rifles, they beamed down to the planet prepared for battle. What they found was a very old obelisk that contained the memories of a forgotten traumatic situation. After hearing everyone's opinion, she agreed with Neelix that it should be recharged and kept active for the next 300 years.

She had the warning buoy's placed at the edge of the system as they left. As they sat on the bridge, which was very somber from their recent experience, she leaned towards him crossing her legs.

"Are you okay?" she asked softly and gently.

He glanced at her and nodded alittle, "yes." She stared at him for a moment, he sighed, "although, I doubt anybody will forget about what happened here."

"I agree," she said and thought for a moment. "I think the crew needs a break from this. The next friendly system we encounter, I think a shoreleave is necessary."

"I think they'll agree with you," he said.

Their next shoreleave found them in the Norcadian system where Kathryn authorized shoreleave for all with a rotating skeleton crew. She decided to explore a nearby system with some crewmembers and left the ship to Chakotay.

She was on her way back when she received the hail from Chakotay regarding Seven and Tuvok being held as Tsunkatse fighters. She managed to arrive in time to aid the ship and have both rescued.

Once safely on board, Kathryn cancelled the rest of Shoreleave and left the system. She had a feeling the rest of the year wasn't going to be quiet and was proven right when they encountered some orphaned Borg children. Once Chakotay, Neelix, Tom and Harry were safely on board, she rescued the remaining children and Seven. As soon as the Doctor removed most of their implants, they were sent to live and regenerate with Seven in the cargo bay.

After that, Tom announced the Fairhaven program was back, but Kathryn ordered no more open door policy. She decided to visit Michael again and resume that relationship. When the characters in the program malfunctioned and became "aware" of their surroundings, she knew something had to be done.

When Michael was accidentally beamed aboard the bridge from the holodeck in place of the Doctor, despite Chakotay's protest, she decided to show her "boyfriend" her world. Once the tour was over, she told Michael that they could remain close friends but only that. Her heart was in enough turmoil between her love for Chakotay and her attraction for him. Michael seemed to understand and they entered the holodeck where she rescued Tom, Harry and the Doctor.

Lindsay Ballard showed up a few weeks later, shocking everyone who worked with her before her death when she was human. Kathryn tried to make her feel at home by inviting her to dinner one night, but it ended up a disaster when Lindsay couldn't take the stress of adjusting to a social life with her captain. Kathryn let her return to the Kobali, the race who had transformed her. Despite Harry's protests, she wanted all her crew happy, no matter where they ended up.

As the year slowly drew to a close, she had to deal with the group of con artists impersonating herself, Tuvok and Chakotay. If the situation weren't so outrageous, she would have found it amusing. Once the impersonators were apprehended and put into custody with the proper government, she had the ship continue on its way.

They found Icheb's parents and homeworld a few weeks later and returned him to his family. When Seven informed her of the discrepancies in Icheb's father's story of assimilation compared to what the Borg history showed, she had the ship turn around and rescued him just before he was assimilated again. She knew Icheb was now a permanent member of her crew, although she was not sure about the rest of the children.

Harry and B'Elanna disappeared for two weeks after that while on an away mission. The reports they gave were straightforward, but the one from B'Elanna was vague as she explained what she had to do to prevent the war between the two countries on the planet. B'Elanna admitted to bending the Prime Directive somewhat. Kathryn knew she couldn't reprimand B'Elanna for doing what she did because she had no choice at the time. She just suggested to her to be more careful the next time.

Then Kes showed up again only she was a very angry, vengeful Kes. But Kathryn was able to help Kes accept what had happened to her while with Voyager and she was sent on her way back to Ocampa, they received their next letters from home.

Chakotay received his first letter from his sister who had finally been able to come out of hiding now that the Dominion War was over. She was now living with his cousin on Earth until he came home since that was their only family. He was thrilled with this news and wanted to share it with Kathryn, but she was too preoccupied with Seven and the Doctor on some project. He began to compose his letter to his sister but when the crew let the Doctor go to Jupiter Station in the next transmission in place of their letters. He didn't get to send it. 

Kathryn had called him in on a meeting at that time to review Tom's performance of the last year. They mutually agreed to reinstate him to lieutenant, the following week the Doctor returned from the Alpha Quadrant.

That month was also Christmas and New Year's again. Kathryn was still somber as they entered their seventh year in the Delta Quadrant. This time for the Christmas party she forced herself to stay and socialize with the crew to try and reconnect with Chakotay.

He saw her trying and was willing to help. When they danced at the party, he thought she looked stunning in the festive red dress she chose and with her hair up. He could see the tears in her eyes as they danced and wanted to hold her closer, but his instincts told him otherwise. She left the party that night with a smile, he figured whatever had been bothering her the past couple of years was finally solving itself.

Kathryn started feeling closer to Chakotay again after the New Year. She invited him to dinner for the first time in close to a year. He accepted, but the dinner was put on hold when Axum contacted Seven from Unimatrix Zero.

Both agreed to infecting the Collective with a virus, it would start a completely new revolution within the Borg. He agreed to support her in whatever decision she made, but regretted saying so when she announced she'd board the cube to upload the virus.

Sometimes she just took too many risks when it came to challenging the Borg. This time was her most dangerous so far. He protested and insisted she take B'Elanna and Tuvok, expressing his concerns with this mission. She wasn't happy about it, but she agreed.

Right before she left to take the Flyer with Tuvok and B'Elanna, he put on a brave front not to show how worried he was. He joked with her about cleaning the carpets and she smiled at him. To his shock, she reached across taking his hand. He took it, squeezing gently and they stood up staring at each other.

At that moment he wanted to hold her, thinking this could be the last time he saw her. He wanted to let her know he still loved her, despite everything that had happened to them in the past couple of years. When she surrendered the bridge to him, all he could do was nod and she left with Tuvok.

The ensuing battle kept Chakotay and the crew busy while they waited for the virus to be uploaded. He understood Tom's impatience when the deadline was came and went and he wanted to rescue B'Elanna. The thought of Kathryn on that cube being assimilated sent his stomach into knots. Nevertheless remained patient until it was time to retrieve them. After the virus went into effect and Kathryn's holo-image was sent to sickbay, he took her order without question. Once he waited long enough Voyager returned to attack the cube, the biosigns were found and they were beamed back.

As soon as the ship was safe and repairs were started, he managed to finally visit sickbay late that evening after their surgeries to remove the Borg implants were completed. Both Tuvok and B'Elanna were asleep, but Kathryn lay on her side pale, her new hair surrounding her as he gave his status report.

=/\=

Her blue eyes stared at him in the dim light and he could tell she felt weak. He had all he could do not to crawl onto the bed with her and hold her in his arms. Instead, he reached out gently taking her hand, her fingers curled around his. "It's good to have you back," he said softly.

Kathryn sighed, fighting the pain in her back, she was so happy to see him again. Her eyes burned with tears as she blinked them back. She swallowed with some difficulty and said just above a whisper, "you did...good."

Chakotay smiled gently at her, he leaned forward and tenderly brushed a whisp of hair away from her eye. "Did you think you were going to stay there?" she didn't respond, he saw a single tear roll down the side of her face. "Welcome home, Kathryn," he told her gently.

Kathryn gripped his hand tighter now, happy to know he still loved her. "Chak - " she started, her voice broke.

He leaned forward shaking his head, "ssh," he said, "save your strength. We'll talk when you're stronger, besides, you still owe me dinner." She nodded, "now go to sleep. I'll see you tomorrow," he leaned over placing a soft kiss on her forehead, straightened and quietly left sickbay.

Kathryn lay quietly and wanting to ask him to stay. Instead she let him go and let the tears slide down her face. She had wanted to apologize to him for being so distant with him the past two years. She knew she had treated him terribly and wanted to make up for it, letting him know she still loved him.

She felt her eyes begin to close as sleep took over and she promised to herself that she would do it when she was recovered.

The next month after Kathryn recovered, they finally had that dinner they intended to have. She worked on opening up to him again and he didn't leave her quarter's immediately afterwards.

She was exhausted from her effort to save Seven when her cortical node began to malfunction. When Icheb offered his and turned it off to prove a point, she had no choice but to give Seven the node. Now both Icheb and Seven were recovering in sickbay tonight and the Doctor intended to put Seven in her alcove the next morning if all went well.

Chakotay observed how she leaned against her hand that propped her head up. He smiled softly at her, "I think you need to rest."

Kathryn fought a yawn and it came anyway, "I know, but I owe you this evening."

"It's been wonderful," he told her, "but I want you to get your sleep. Remember that Tom is almost done constructing the new Flyer. He expects you to approve of its test flights within the next few days." She groaned lowering her head into her hand, he chuckled, "I'll let you sleep Kathryn. I suggest you use your bed however."

She lifted her head gazing at him, "perhaps your right." She could barely keep her eyes open now. He stood up, "I'll see you in the morning Chakotay."

He nodded and leaned over placing a soft kiss on her head, she reached up stroking the side of his face gently. "Sleep well Kathryn. Goodnight," he walked out.

Kathryn sighed lowering her head onto her arm as it pillowed beneath her head. She closed her eyes and drifted off to sleep.

The following week when Tom and Harry were testing the new Flyer, they got involved with an alien who talked them into participating in a race for peace. B'Elanna eventually took Harry's place as Tom's co-pilot. They lost the race, but the new Flyer was saved although it was minus a warp core due to the sabotage, that had cost them the race. Tom proposed and she happily performed Tom and B'Elanna's wedding sending them off for a few days for a honeymoon on the Flyer.

It seemed everything was starting to look up until the next letter's arrived from home and all the former Maquis started being attacked. When Chakotay, under Tuvok and Teero's mental influence, took over the ship and had her thrown in the brig, she couldn't help the anger that resulted. She knew he wasn't in control, but when he forced Tuvok to prove his loyalty by firing a phaser on her, she became afraid of Chakotay again for the first time in six years. She breathed a sigh of relief when the phaser malfunctioned. After being taken away, she realized even in Tuvok's state, he knew that the phaser was deliberately set to malfunction. 

It wasn't more than a half hour later when both showed up in the brig to inform her they had regained control. She couldn't help the glare she gave Chakotay as she stepped out of the brig. She suddenly felt she couldn't trust him because of this, even though she knew it wasn't his fault.

Chakotay felt guilty over his actions and knew she was upset. He decided to give her time too cool off before approaching her with an apology. He didn't want to wait to long because their relationship was finally on the mend after so long. Instead, he sat with some crewmembers for Tom's movie on the holodeck intending to talk to her later.

After the movie ended and everyone left the holodeck, he waited for her in the corridor. She acknowledged him with a curt nod and kept walking. He let her go as B'Elanna approached him, curious.

"She's angry," she noted, he nodded. "Are you going to fix it?"

"That's my intention," he claimed, Tom joined them. "Well, goodnight you two. Great movie Tom."

"Thanks Chakotay," Tom said and watched him walk away.

=/\=

Kathryn walked around the corner to her quarters. Just when Chakotay emerged from the lift adjacent to the corridor. She quickly input her access code, but he had moved too quick for her.

"Captain," he said, "may I speak with you?"

She stood quietly for a moment as he stood next to her waiting. She sighed glancing at him, "come in," she said opening the door entering and he followed her in. "Lights," she called and slowly turned facing him as their eyes caught. They stood in the quiet of her quarters, "Chakotay, I don't really see the need - "

"I do," he interrupted her firmly. "I need to explain - " she attempted to speak, he waved her quiet and continued. "I want to apologize for what happened."

"It wasn't your fault," she said, trying to keep her voice steady.

"Kathryn!" he snapped. "For God's sake, I had Tuvok point a phaser at you!" He saw her stiffen at the memory, still so fresh. He stepped closer to her, "I'd never hurt you intentionally, please believe that - "

"I know," she said, her voice choked. He reached out to touch her face, she pulled away from him. "Don't - "

"Kathryn - please," he said reaching out taking her arm and pulling her against him. "I'm so sorry, please forgive me."

She stared up at him blinking back tears, "I trusted you," she said strained. "After everything we've been...through."

"I know," he said gently. "I just want you to trust me again. I promise I'll never let anything like that happen again. Please Kathryn, I want us like we were."

"Chakotay - " she whispered. "I want to so much - " he gently stroked her face, she couldn't help the reaction of pressing her face against his hand.

"I still love you," he told her softly and a tear slid down her face. "Please forgive me, please." She didn't respond, he slid his arms around her, "Kathryn?"

She wanted to collapse against him and cry, but didn't. It had been so long since he's held her, his arms felt good. She placed her hands on his arms and put her head against his shoulder closing her eyes. He began to stroke her back letting her decide. She stood in his arms and gripped his arms tighter to avoid the tears that wanted to come. After several minutes she shuddered and lifted her head gazing up at him. "Yes, I forgive you," she finally said softly.

Chakotay smiled gently at her and leaned down kissing her gently. She moaned softly and began to respond. After a moment, he pulled away looking at her, "are we okay?" she nodded and he let her go. "Goodnight, Kathryn."

"Goodnight, Chakotay," she said and he slowly left her quarters. She stood staring after him and realized how thankful she was that he didn't wait too long to do this. She brushed the tears that escaped from beneath her eyes and walked into the bedroom to change.

The next couple of months they rescued the Doctor from an alien hospital ship. Then Harry, Seven and the Doctor were taken hostage by an alien species who were against photonic people, which didn't help Tuvok's situation as he was going through the Pon Farr and Tom had programmed a holographic T'Pel for him.

When Reg Barclay's hologram got sent to them through the Midas Array, the crew were enthusiastic over his idea of going through a geodesic fold in order to get home, although Kathryn still had her reservations about the procedure. When it failed, she figured it wasn't meant to be. After Seven recovered, she ordered Reg's hologram uploaded into a secure place in the ship's computer until it could be analyzed for any problems.

After that, B'Elanna finally convinced her the ship needed to be set down for repairs. They found an uninhabited Class-M planet in the next sector and landed the ship to start serious repairs. Meanwhile Kathryn had Harry and Neelix take the Flyer on an away mission to search for dilithium.

It took three weeks for repairs to be partially completed, then a neighboring species, the Kraylor told them they'd have to leave because of Harry's involvement with their rivals, the Annari on what they thought was a humanitarian mission. Kathryn had no choice but to take the ship into orbit and wait for Harry and Seven to return from the Annari ship B'Elanna completed repairs there.

A wiser Harry brought Seven and the Flyer back, and Voyager continued the course for home. After another brief shoreleave, they continued their journey until a distress signal came from the Hirogen.

As soon as Kathryn realized the war between the holograms and the Hirogen was her fault because she gave the hologram technology to the nomadic race three years before, she tried to do the most compassionate thing by offering to download the holograms safely into the ship's computer. The offer was refused and suddenly the Doctor's mutinied to the hologram's ship.

=/\=

After the pursuit and the capturing of the holograms on a Class-Y planet, she stood in her ready room in thought gazing out of her viewport. Her doorchime rang, she sighed, "come in," and watched the reflection of the doors slide open and Chakotay walk in with a padd.

He walked up to her, "the final report on the Hirogen and hologram incident."

Kathryn glanced at him as he handed the padd to her, she glanced at it briefly scrolling through it. She nodded with a shrug, "thanks."

He stared at her knowing she was upset over this whole situation. He sighed, "you realize, we were all to blame for this."

Kathryn glared at him, she shook her head holding up her hand, "no, Chakotay," her voice was tight with anger. "I made the final decision. It was my fault, pure and simple. If I didn't give the Hirogen the holo-technology, none of this would have happened."

"You couldn't have known - " he said.

"- Is that the excuse I give to Starfleet," she snapped angrily, "for every decision I've made while out here?" He didn't respond, but looked away. She sighed, "this is just the first consequence we've seen as a result of the many decisions I've made out here."

Chakotay sighed as they stood there quietly, he looked at her, "that's true." She looked up at him, "but you've got to understand Kathryn. The decisions made out here were made out of compassion and we simply wanted to help." She nodded, "we have to assume that most of the things we've done in the past seven year's have come out for the better. Given that what we've done has been giving out technology, supplies or even helping out in a fight." He reached out touching her arm, "they were difficult choices, but made with the best intentions."

Kathryn stared at him, slowly a soft smile formed, "what would have I done without you all these years?" He smiled at her, "thank you for making me understand that Chakotay. I really needed it." She sighed, "now I have to go over to the hologram ship to get B'Elanna and her final report. Prepare to go to warp when we get back."

"Yes, ma'am," he replied and she stepped down heading out to the bridge, he followed her.

The next couple of weeks were quiet as Kathryn and Chakotay's relationship slowly healed from the past two years. She was back to playing velocity with him one night a week and having dinner another night.

The following week, Chakotay decided to bring a bottle of Anterean Cider to dinner because he now felt closer to her than he had in a long time. Their dinner was interrupted by an anomaly, she went to the bridge and he to engineering. The plasma bolt hit the ship while he was in engineering and he got jolted from the energy discharge, he was surprised to suddenly find himself involved in the ship's past and future as he moved from one section of the ship to another. With enough determination and help from an earlier version of Kathryn Janeway, they put all of the ship back into the present. 

Just before he did, the earlier version of Kathryn asked him how close they got, he wanted to tell her their love for each other was strong, minus the intimacy. He didn't, instead he told her about barriers and hoped it wouldn't ruin what their present relationship held.

He tested this theory when he returned to the bridge to take her back to their interrupted dinner. He openly touched her hand and she didn't react, except to stand and walk out with him.

=/\=

Once the replicator was put back together, dinner made and served, they sat with the cider in her living area talking about thunderstorms. He avoided telling her what happened that caused him to use the deflector dish as a lightning rod by invoking the temporal prime directive.

She turned it around on him when she revealed where his cider was kept. They laughed over that and became quiet as they sat there. He sighed, glancing over at her, "I'm really happy we're talking like this again, Kathryn."

She stared at him and nodded with a sigh, "I am too." She paused in thought for a moment, then added, "these past two years have been difficult Chakotay. I owe you an apology for pushing you away - "

Chakotay put down his glass and immediately moved over to her on his knees. "It's okay, I understand - "

"I don't know what happened," she told him softly as he took her free hand. "I - just lost myself. I'm sorry - "

He reached out putting his hand to her mouth quieting her. "Kathryn, it's okay. What matters is, we're talking now. There's nothing to forgive."

"I don't deserve you," she whispered with a shake of her head. "You've been nothing but good to me and - "

Chakotay took her glass out of her hand placing it on the coffee table. He gently pulled her into his arms holding her. She slid her arms around him dropping her head to his shoulder, closing her eyes knowing he truly forgave her. They sat there quietly as she inhaled the spicy scent of his aftershave, letting it wash over her and calm her.

"I've wanted to hold you like this for months," he told her gently.

Kathryn laughed softly, holding him tighter, feeling him place a tender kiss on her neck. "I've wanted you too," and he chuckled in response.

A little later she walked him to the door where he placed a soft kiss on her forehead and said goodnight. After he left, she cleaned up the dishes and readied for bed. That night she slept better than she had in the last couple of years.

Two weeks later, they found out B'Elanna was pregnant. Kathryn was thrilled for her and Tom. Although it made her a little sad knowing how much she and Chakotay had wished for children year's before. When the baby's heritage came in conflict, she decided not to intervene when B'Elanna and Tom came to her regarding this matter and what B'Elanna wanted to do. She was happy that they managed to work it out.

The next two months were quiet as the crew received their regular mail from home again. Chakotay was finally writing his sister and telling her all about Kathryn. Shamira wrote back telling him how happy she was that he'd found love, even if it were with his captain. She also claimed she couldn't wait to meet Kathryn when they made it home.

The next week they rescued condemned prisoners and their guards from the ship they were using to transport them. Kathryn agreed to meet the prison's next transport ship halfway as it was going in the opposite direction. After the inmates escaped and tried commandeering a shuttle, she had to work to understand why Seven was so adamant in saving the prisoner Iko's life. Kathryn did what she could for him for Seven's sake, but to no avail, the family still wanted him executed. She sympathized with Seven once he was gone and realized just how much more human the former Borg had become.

The following month they intercepted the generational Klingon ship that had been traveling for the past 80 years since leaving the Alpha Quadrant. The ship was crowded, the visiting Klingon's provided her with a very busy couple of weeks. On top of everything, she shared her quarters for the first time being with "roommates" with Ensign Wildman and her daughter Naomi until their quarters were available again.

She had made both as comfortable as possible, including setting up two cots in her living area where they could sleep. Both were considerate of her and kept to themselves. Kathryn enjoyed their company nonetheless, although she was keeping long hours on the bridge during that time.

Once the Klingon's were deposited on an approved planet to live and make a new community, Seven invited her and Chakotay, plus B'Elanna and Tom to a special dinner in the messhall. All were impressed with her cooking ability, as Neelix happily boasted of how well she'd done in learning to cook.

Then they were sucked into another Void.

While in the Void, Kathryn managed to successfully create a temporary alliance with several other trapped species. She had her hands full trying to get the races that agreed to join the alliance, to abide by Starfleet protocol. In the end, she did and was pleased with the outcome. She told Chakotay so in the transporter room and they left to have dinner in the messhall.

It was there she told him they'd need to schedule an away mission to search out nearby systems in the next sector for foodstuffs. He agreed and had Seven start to scan the upcoming sector for places to check out.

At this same time, Icheb began preparing for the Starfleet Entrance Exam that he'd take via the soon open comm link. He was being helped by Tuvok and Seven to prepare. A couple of weeks later, Kathryn authorized an away mission when they were contacted and invited to visit by the Nar Shadden. She couldn't bring the ship there, so she sent Chakotay, Harry and Neelix to do the meet and greet.

Kathryn and Chakotay arranged for Voyager to meet the Flyer a few weeks later at predetermined coordinates. While the away team was gone, Voyager encountered radiation mines. Kathryn was as sick with radiation poisoning as the rest of the crew and ordered everyone to abandon ship after leaving it in the Doctor's hands to until it was safe to return.

That was the last the Doctor had seen or heard from her.

When Chakotay, Harry and Neelix found the ship drifting in a nebula with the crew gone and just the Doctor aboard, Chakotay was worried for Kathryn and the rest. After two weeks of constant repairs and hardly no sleep, they tracked the crew to Quarra, a planet about three days away. Chakotay immediately ordered the ship there where he unsuccessfully tried negotiating for the crew's release.

That's when he decided drastic measures needed to be taken to get them back. He missed Kathryn, but didn't let anyone know.

After helping Neelix rescue B'Elanna, Chakotay found himself on the run from the authorities. He hid in Kathryn's apartment because he thought it would be empty, as she had told him she was moving in with Jaffen. Information that hurt worse than his shoulder wound.

Once Kathryn was with him in her apartment and not recognizing him, he couldn't help but stare admiringly at her as she was dressed in a gray soft knit pantsuit with her hair loose around her shoulders. It reminded him of New Earth when she wore her hair like that in the evening.

After being rescued along with the rest of the crew, he let Harry, Neelix and the Doctor finish the negotiations while he made sure the crew underwent immediate treatment for their memory loss. He noticed how Kathryn looked saddened once her memory returned.

He could sympathize with her since leaving Quarra also meant losing Jaffen. The man who had become her lover while there. But he also couldn't help but be jealous over this fact, afterall he hoped it'd be him she'd make love to after all these years.

=/\=

When the ship was underway again, Kathryn retreated to the ready room. The shift was about to change when he decided to stop in to check on her. She let him inside where he found her sitting on the sofa with a cup of coffee. She lifted her eyes gazing at him, he could see they were slightly red from some earlier tears. It tore at his heart to see her this way.

"Commander," she said softly, "is there something I can do for you?"

He shook his head stepping up beside her and sat down next to her. "No, actually I was wondering if you're okay?"

Kathryn stared at him, he wasn't showing any reaction to her affair with Jaffen. She figured after all these years and the love they shared, when she was finally intimate again with someone, it'd be with Chakotay. Instead, it was with a man she didn't even know. She wasn't sure if she should feel heartbroken or guilty for what happened.

She smirked shrugging her shoulders, "I'll be fine. Just alittle sad right now." He nodded, "I'm sorry Chakotay - "

" - You didn't know - " he said.

"I wish I did," she replied sadly. "Instead I just go and hurt you again, maybe that's a sign...Don't you think?"

He shook his head, "it means nothing Kathryn. What happened - " he stopped with a sigh, "you didn't know."

She nodded, "Chakotay, my life on Quarra allowed me to see what I've denied myself - us - the past five years." He reached out taking her hand, "I want so much to give you what we once had - I just - I can't let you deny your life - "

"Kathryn," he said gently interrupting, "I told you five years ago I'd wait and I will. Now, stop thinking that way and have dinner with me tonight."

She smiled softly and gripped his hand, "I'd rather be alone tonight if that's okay?"

"Sure," he replied somewhat disappointed. He slowly stood as she gazed up at him, "goodnight Kathryn."

"Goodnight Chakotay," she said, he smiled gently one more time and walked out. Once the doors closed behind him, she smiled happy this wouldn't hurt their relationship.

When the ship entered the next sector and a warhead firing test zone, Kathryn and Chakotay were both concerned with Seven's sudden lack of attention in astrometrics. Especially when one warhead just missed the ship. She was curious as to what Seven was doing to keep her so distracted and away from her post.

That's when she ran a check on the holodeck logs to see if she'd been there. What she found shocked her and even more, it was during some of the most crucial times when she should have been in astrometrics. She immediately called Seven to her ready room for an explanation.

When Seven told her it was for designing a new simulation, she took her word for it not thinking the young woman would lie to her. She told her to stay at her post for the entire shift from now on, since holodeck activities were only for off-duty or current mission use. Seven accepted the reprimand and walked out.

After she left, Kathryn couldn't help but think there was something she was missing. She just couldn't put her finger on it.

Once the ship was successfully out of the test zone, Neelix announced that he'd be conducting cooking classes in the messhall at 1930 hours. Chakotay decided to attend so he'd be able to make Kathryn a nice meal. Although it'd had only been a month since Quarra, she still hadn't responded to his dinner invitation. He figured if he could tempt her with a new home cooked meal, she'd come.

He was walking down the corridor to the messhall when he spotted Seven walking opposite. He told her about Neelix's class after she claimed she wasn't interested suggested to her she should socialize a little more with the crew. He reasoned to himself at least he had tried to be more social with her and went on his way.

The class was underway, as he stood next to Crewman Chell in front of a table when he saw Seven enter. He smiled at her and Neelix approached her, happy to see her. Since it was a full class, the only left over spot was with him and Chell. She joined them and was caught up to speed with the lesson in no time. During the class, Chakotay noticed how she was looking at him and it made him curious, but he didn't say anything.

=/\=

Once the class ended and he was cleaned up, Seven approached him while he pulled on his uniform jacket. "Enjoy the class Seven?" he asked curious.

She looked directly at him, "it was...anfavorable time," she replied. He nodded. She saw he was about to ready to leave, "Commander, may I ask you something?"

"Sure," he said, wanting to go see Kathryn to offer the dinner invitation.

"May I cook dinner for you?" she asked simply.

Chakotay looked at her, unsure of what she just asked him. "Cook dinner?"

"Yes," she replied, "after a few more lessons of course."

He was somewhat confused at this new approach with her and as Kathryn hadn't responded to his invitation yet, he decided to be friendly with this young woman. He figured it was about time as she had grown considerably in the three years with them.

He smiled, "sure, just tell me when and where."

"I calculate," she said, "that with the next lessons taking place in the next four days, next Tuesday at 1700 would be appropriate."

Chakotay blinked, she didn't waste any time. "Sounds good," at least it didn't conflict with his weekly dinner schedule that took place - if it took place - with Kathryn on Wednesday. He left the messhall still pondering Seven's invitation and decided to shrug it off, believing that she was just taking his advice about being more sociable.

The dinner with Kathryn never happened on Wednesday.

The next month the crew got a visit from Q and son causing a temporary crisis situation with Neelix being robbed of his vocal chords and Q2 befriending Icheb and almost getting him killed. Kathryn was at her wits end with both and found she actually ended up liking the younger Q when left in her charge. When his powers were finally reestablished he covered her ready room with roses. She was genuinely touched. Both Q's left her happier and she hoped, better behaved.

The next few weeks they received the next data stream from home which instructed both Harry and Seven on how to set up the two-way video with Earth through the Midas Array. Both eagerly went to work to get astrometrics set up to specs so the crew could start conversing with their families again.

When it was ready, Kathryn allowed Neelix the honor of providing a fair drawing on who went first with numbered isolinear chips. Once her timeslot and Chakotay's were chosen he mentioned he'd be talking to his cousin, she looked at him pleased to know this, but wondered about his sister's situation of because he hadn't spoke of her in awhile.

The following month after the retrieval of the Friendship One probe and Joe Carey's death, Chakotay finally got his chance to finally speak with his sister.

=/\=

He stood in front of the console in astrometrics grinning happily at her as they talked. Seven had left him alone to speak privately.

"So," Shamira asked with a sigh, "how's Kathryn?"

Chakotay glanced down, his smile fading as he shifted on his feet. He sighed and glanced up at her, "I don't know."

"What do you mean?" she asked confused. "Your last letter told me both of you were still hanging in there." He didn't respond, she frowned, "Chakotay, what's going on?"

"She's - " he started and stopped with a sigh. "Something happened alittle over a month ago that changed it."

"What happened?"

"There's really not enough time," he told her, "to go into it -"

"There's plenty of time," she interrupted.

Chakotay sighed and briefly explained what happened to Kathryn on Quarra and how she's been since. Shamira listened intently, he added the end with, "as much as I've tried to get her to respond, she hasn't. I'm - " he sighed finding what he was about to say difficult. "Sorta seeing someone else now."

"Chakotay!" she said shocked. "Why for god's sake? Just because she's backed off until she feel's comfortable again, doesn't mean you should go off and date the next woman."

"I'm lonely Shamira!" he snapped angrily. "No matter what I've done, she's said no. There's been no dinners or anything. I don't think she's interested anymore."

"You told me you loved each other," she claimed. "That doesn't change overnight - "

" - You don't know Kathryn - "

She leaned forward, "no, but I'm a woman too Chakotay. What you've told me of her tells me one thing. She loves you. Even though she's might have difficulty showing it now and then because of one thing or another, shouldn't stop you."

"It's been close to a year," he told her, "since she's told me. I - want so much more than she's willing to give me and Seven - "

" - Seven?" she questioned. "You mean that half-Borg of yours? That's who you're seeing now?" He nodded, "oh Chakotay - " she shook her head disappointed. "Does Kathryn know?"

"I don't think so," he replied quietly.

She studied him, "you don't seem very proud of yourself."

"I've always been direct with her," he said. "I just don't know how to tell her."

The transmission started to fade with some light static showing the transmission was ending. "Tell me quick," she said. "Do you still love her?"

"I'll always love her," he replied.

"Then don't give up on her," she told him firmly. "Take care Chakotay. I'll talk to you in two months - " and the transmission faded.

Chakotay stood quietly for a moment and then heard the doors slide open and the click of Seven's boots. He sighed attempting to put on a more cheerful expression for her and turned around. 

"Was your conversation successful?" she asked.

He nodded, "yes, it was," and couldn't believe he just lied to her.

She smiled softly at him, "that's good to know. Perhaps I can meet her the next time?"

Chakotay stared at her, he nodded, "well, let's see what happens, okay?" Seven nodded, "I've got to get back to the bridge. I'll see you later." He touched her arm gently and walked out.

A few weeks later when the ship docked at a busy planet that served as a way-station for space dwelling travelers to stock up and take Shoreleave, it allowed the opportunity for Chakotay and Seven to attend a conference. They never made it when they crashed into the planet's protective barrier and managed to survive the crash by transporting through the temporary window Seven made.

Once they were found and rescued, Chakotay was taken to sickbay for treatment on his leg. Kathryn was pleased he was okay and he stressed to her the importance that the Ventu be left alone from the outside world. She agreed and once Seven claimed it was time to return, Kathryn had to get Tom to intervene with the Flyer aborting his lesson to beam the remaining Ledosians out of there with the shuttle debris before the forcefield closed.

As soon as they were on board, Kathryn left the station and the system within hours because their welcome was about to be revoked.

Little did she realize Chakotay and Seven were planning their second official date. She was approached by Neelix to plan "First Contact Day" within the next few weeks. She approved it thinking it a great idea.

When "First Contact Day" arrived, Kathryn attended the party leaving Chakotay the bridge. The festivities were interrupted when Chakotay arrived to inform Neelix of the Talaxian colony discovered in the asteroid field.

Kathryn was saddened to see her long time Talaxian resident leave Voyager. It was a difficult decision for him, but she knew she couldn't stop him. It was agreed that he'd serve as the Delta Quadrant's official ambassador to the Alpha Quadrant through the Midas Array.

It was a few weeks later when Kathryn and the Doctor went on an away mission in the Flyer to a conference. Before they realized it, former members of the Hierarchy captured them. To appease their captors and hopefully gain the captain's release the Doctor returned to Voyager impersonating the captain.

Chakotay sensed something wasn't right with Kathryn when she began to talk to herself on the bridge and willingly gave the warp core away. All the deception was revealed with the Doctor's musical clue in the ship's computer and they were able to rescue Kathryn, the Doctor and the warp core.

While in captivity, Kathryn felt ready to set up dinners with Chakotay again and perhaps, consider resuming their relationship that was started on New Earth so long ago. She hoped he'd be receptive to the idea.

One month later B'Elanna started false labor and the crew started a pool on when she'd give birth and the weight of the baby. When Kathryn asked Chakotay to join her for lunch, he declined claiming other plans. She accepted the answer without much thought.

Later that day, Admiral Janeway came through the rift and changed everything.

Once the Doctor confirmed the Admiral was her, only 26 years older, Kathryn had no choice but to accept the fact. It was after they entered the Borg-infested nebula and she discovered the Admiral had other plans that she aborted the mission. When Kathryn learned of Chakotay and Seven and the future they'd have, she was stunned and couldn't speak.

Kathryn was confused and wondered what happened that Chakotay to would suddenly start seeing Seven and not tell her. It occurred to her that it must have happened over a month before when he stopped asking about dinner.

She was choked up and wanted to cry when she realized this. She didn't because she had to get the ship home and get help for Tuvok. She knew the Admiral's plan was going to work and discussed it with the staff in the briefing room.

It was mutual, they all decided it was now or never, it was time to go home. The plan included to destroying each hub as they passed through the conduit on the way to the Alpha Quadrant.

When the ship plowed through the destruction of the Borg sphere and entered Alpha Quadrant space for the first time in seven years. Kathryn felt all choked up, she forced her tears back when a baby's cry was heard over the comm. She smiled at Tom telling him to go to sickbay and had Chakotay take the helm.

The Enterprise and several other starships escorted the ship home. Kathryn took a message from Admiral Paris and then called the entire staff into her ready room. They were all there except for B'Elanna and the baby, because she was still recovering in sickbay.

=/\=

Kathryn had all of them sitting on her sofa with a coffee or whatever they wanted to drink as she stood before them explaining what they should expect when they arrived. The sight of Chakotay sitting beside Seven was almost enough to make her burst into tears, but she held it in.

She sighed, "Admiral Paris says to expect lots of publicity. The newswire is going crazy now that we're home. All of you have performed exactly as I've come to expect you to all these years."

"What about our families?" Harry asked curious.

Kathryn smiled gently at him, "they've all been called and will be waiting when we land at headquarters in a few hours." She glanced at Tuvok, "your family will be the first aboard Tuvok, to start treatment."

"Thank you, Captain," he said.

"What about the Maquis?" Chakotay asked her.

Kathryn looked at him fighting back her tears, she sighed keeping her voice steady, "no word yet, but there's also nothing regarding the Equinox survivors. I wouldn't worry," she told him, he nodded. After a moment she sighed, "the ship and crew will be detained for a short time on board for the debriefings. So, if there's anymore questions?" Nobody said anything, "good. After the celebration, plan to be questioned. Dismissed," everyone stood up and began to leave.

Chakotay stood attempting to catch her gaze and she immediately turned away from him walking over to the replicator. Confused by this, he didn't say anything and left with everyone else.

Kathryn stood facing the replicator and waited until everyone was gone. She shuddered feeling the tears building and groaned as she braced herself against the replicator. She gritted her teeth saying, "computer, engage privacy lock," she ordered. Once she heard the door snap shut, she lowered her head letting the tears spill down her face. "Chakotay," she whimpered, "what happened to us?" Her throat was tight and she felt she could hardly breathe. She put a hand to her face to wipe the tears moved over to the sofa sitting down burying her face in her hands beginning to sob quietly.

Voyager sailed into Earth's atmosphere just after dusk in San Francisco, surrounded by colorful plasma bursts Tom tipped the right nacelle towards the waiting crowds below. Once the ship had landed next to Starfleet Headquarters and was secure on the tarmac, the electronic gangway extended from headquarters and connected to the nearby airlock. By then, Kathryn had the entire crew at attention in the corridor with the staff just inside. She greeted Admirals Paris, Necheyev and Hayes and Reg Barclay.

Admiral Paris was thrilled, he had become a grandfather and the rift between him and Tom seemed to have dissolved as both embraced happily.

As soon as the general inspection was done, the families were allowed aboard for the celebration that would be taking place on the holodeck with a program emulated a large ballroom. Champagne was brought in and poured as the toasts were made to all.

Throughout the next couple of hours, the crew introduced their families to Kathryn, who thanked her repeatedly for getting their son or daughter home safely. The only one who hadn't yet was Chakotay, who stood with Shamira, Lishei and Seven, whose aunt had joined them.

She sat at a table with some champagne observing her crew's happiness at being home finally. Her mother and Phoebe were talking with the Doctor and she smiled with a shake of her head at how her own family was getting to know her crew and friends. Her throat remained tight with unshed tears as she tried to accept what had happened between her and Chakotay.

She shook her head and decided to give her mother and Phoebe a tour of the ship thinking if she could get out of the holodeck and away from seeing Chakotay with Seven, she'd feel better. With a sigh, she stood up walking over to them with a smile on her face. "Excuse me Doctor, but I'd like to take my mother and sister on a tour of the ship."

"Yes, of course Captain," he said.

Chakotay glanced over to where Kathryn was so he could finally introduce her to Shamira and Lishei as promised. He turned to them because it looked like they were leaving. "Let's go meet the Captain," he told them.

Shamira glanced over at Kathryn with her family as they were starting to walk out. She had noticed how Kathryn never approached them. To Shamira it was obvious that Kathryn knew about Chakotay and Seven, perhaps that was the reason she had avoided them.

"I'd love to," she said, wanting to talk to the woman who was in obvious heartbreak over her brother.

Chakotay led them over to Kathryn just as they were leaving, "excuse me, Captain?"

Kathryn stopped and fixed her facade into place as she turned to him, "yes, commander?"

"I'd like to introduce you," he said, "to my sister Shamira and cousin, Lishei."

Kathryn looked at Chakotay's sister and smiled recognizing the family trait with the dimple on the chin. His sister was as beautiful, as he was handsome, with her large, almond shaped brown eyes, long silk black hair that hung straight down behind her back. She was just shorter than Chakotay and wore a white eyelet dress with tan boots. The white was beautiful against her bronzed skin.

She smiled at them holding out her hand, "a pleasure to meet both of you."

Shamira took Kathryn's hand and despite the firm grip, she could feel the Captain's hand trembling slightly. She smiled, "pleasure's all mine, Captain." That's when she realized how upset Kathryn truly was over Chakotay she could see it in her eyes. Her strength and determination never let it show. She could understand how Chakotay could fall in love with this incredible woman, but be very disappointed in him that he broke her heart.

"The commander has told me," Kathryn said easily, "lots about you." They released their hands, she avoided looking at him. "It's nice to finally meet you." She turned to her mother and Phoebe, "I'd like to introduce my mother and sister, Gretchen and Phoebe Janeway."

"Very nice to meet you," Chakotay said smiling shaking each of their hands.

A moment later Kathryn sighed, "well, if you'll excuse us, but I was about to give my family a tour of the ship."

"That sounds like a wonderful idea," Shamira claimed. "Perhaps we can join you? I'd love to see Voyager."

Kathryn stared at her, she could feel Chakotay's eyes on her. She sighed with a smile, "of course you can join us." She forced herself to look at him, "commander, if you will?"

"Yes, Captain," he said with a nod and led the group out.

During the tour, Shamira noticed how Kathryn avoided looking at Chakotay or even standing near him. She shook her head saddened to see what had become of a great love. In engineering while Kathryn was on the second level showing them the warp core, Shamira stood with Chakotay. She looked at him, "she's upset, you know?"

"I know," he replied with a sigh. "I don't know what to do about it - "

"Talk to her," she said firmly. "Like you've always done Chakotay. Are you that ashamed of yourself that your afraid to give her an explanation?" He didn't respond, she sighed shaking her head. "You owe her at least that."

When the tour ended, they all returned to the holodeck to join the rest of the celebration.

Shortly after Gretchen and Phoebe left to retire to the rooms that Starfleet was providing all family members of the crew, Kathryn sat at a table sipping some champagne alone. Shamira stood with Chakotay and Seven as they talked with Tom and Harry. She stole a quick glance finding Kathryn sitting by herself at a table in a corner of the room. She decided to talk to her and see what she was feeling. She excused herself and walked quietly over to the table, "may I join you?"

Kathryn glanced up seeing Shamira standing before her. She stared at Chakotay's sister and shrugged, "be my guest," she replied extending a hand to an empty chair.

Shamira pulled it out and sat beside her, she studied Kathryn. "It must be good to be home," she said initiating a topic.

"The crew's happy," Kathryn told her.

"Are you happy?"

Kathryn sighed, "it's nice to be back."

Shamira nodded, knowing she was giving very vague answers. She wanted to get her to talk. "You know my brother's very fond of you," she said.

Kathryn felt her lip tremble, she wanted to leave because at this moment, she felt like bursting into tears. She focused breathing deeply holding them back, "we're just friends Shamira. At least, I thought so."

That's when Shamira knew Kathryn needed a friend, a female friend to talk to. She felt like they could be very good friends or even sisters if given the chance. She reached out putting her hand gently on Kathryn's, "Kathryn, it's so much more than that."

"I used to believe that," Kathryn replied with a shake of her head. "Now that he's with Seven, I just don't know."

"The only reason he's with her," Shamira said, "is that the past few months confused him. He didn't know how you still felt after you repeatedly refused dinner with him or anything else he suggested."

"Oh god," Kathryn whispered putting her face in her hand, forcing the tears back. "All these years - I've kept him at bay and pushing him away. I guess this last time he just - gave up."

Shamira sympathized with her, "Kathryn, do you still love him?"

Kathryn raised her head glancing in Chakotay's direction, "with all my heart and soul," her voice broke. She put her hand to her mouth to stop the tears. She had to leave, this was getting to be too much. "Please, excuse me - I can't let them see me this way - "

"Let's take a walk," Shamira suggested gently and rose with Kathryn. They exited the holodeck, which wasn't as crowded as before. She let Kathryn lead her down the quiet corridor and let her have the time to get her thoughts under control. When Shamira thought her calm enough, she sighed, "I think what Chakotay did to you is unacceptable," and Kathryn looked at her smirking. "I mean, in his last few letters I received, he spoke so beautifully of you and how much you loved each other. That's why this makes no sense."

"Oh, I'm used to that," Kathryn replied with a soft laugh. "The Delta Quadrant didn't leave anything to the imagination."

"I bet," she said smiling. They entered an empty and dim lit messhall. Kathryn led her over to the sitting area where they sat on the sofa opposite each other. They were quiet for a moment, then she said, "you still have a chance you know?"

"What are you talking about?"

"I mean," Shamira said, "that this thing between Chakotay and Seven is still new and far from as serious as you think. If you talk to him before he leaves the ship, you can turn it around. Let him know you still love him, that's all he needs."

"I knew I'd like you," Kathryn said softly and Shamira reached out taking her hand as they grasped tightly. They were quiet, then she sighed, "did he ever tell you about our stay on New Earth?"

"Sounds familiar," she replied with a shrug. She thought for a moment, "oh yes, that planet you lived on for awhile." Kathryn nodded, "is that where it happened?"

"Everything happened there," Kathryn said sighing as she remembered. "He fell in love first and soon after I did with him. It happened so fast, he saved my life when I caught an blood infection after being injured in a plasma storm." She stopped as the memories flooded back, "and then the week after my recovery, our lives changed."

"You made love?"

Tears slipped from Kathryn's eyes, she wiped them away with a nod, "yes. It was so - beautiful. I've never connected with any man like that before when I felt so much peace. He just filled a part of me I didn't even know was empty - my spirit felt complete. Then Voyager came back for us and it was over."

"It must have been very difficult," Shamira said gently.

"Very," Kathryn agreed with a sigh. "The night before Voyager returned he promised me that we'd always remember New Earth that he was supposed to remind me, especially when I'd get caught up in my duties. He did now and then, but I don't know when but at some point, it just stopped.

"We were finally getting back," she continued, "to that place in our relationship when Quarra happened. It seemed that it was all gone after that. He tried so hard Shamira and I just wouldn't let him."

"Make him keep the promise - "

" - I can't force him to do something," Kathryn claimed, "that he doesn't want."

"But, he does," she said. 

"How do you know?"

"I might not have seen him in seven years," Shamira said gently. "But, I've seen it in his eyes. He looked at you from across the room with such...longing." She gripped her hand tightly, "please Kathryn, tell him. Remind him of it some way, before it's too late."

Kathryn stared at her, she smiled softly, "I will."

"You'd better," she said firmly and Kathryn laughed softly. She slid closer and embraced Kathryn gently.

Kathryn gasped in shock and almost started crying there. She sighed wrapping her arms around her new friend. "Thank you, I needed this."

"I know," Shamira said and pulled away. She slowly stood, "well, I'd better get back."

"Do you -?"

She shook her head, "its okay. I can find my way. I'll talk to you soon Kathryn. Goodnight and welcome home."

"Goodnight," Kathryn smiled at her and Shamira left quietly.

Once the celebration ended, the debriefings took almost three weeks. During that time, all the logs were reviewed and each incident investigated. Kathryn and the rest of the staff were debriefed on their contacts with the Borg, Hirogen, Devore and even the Malon. Once headquarters were satisfied with her reasons for decisions she made, they began reviewing the records of the former Maquis. Each was interviewed individually in addition to the review of their records on board Voyager.

The Maquis were all pardoned and given the option of staying in Starfleet or retire. The Equinox survivors weren't so lucky. Each of them was sentenced to one year at the New Zealand Penal Colony and was dishonorably discharged from Starfleet. They were taken from the ship the next morning. Kathryn bid them each goodbye before leaving and told them they did well while on board Voyager.

When the debriefings ended, Kathryn gathered everyone in the holodeck for the last time. She thanked them all for their devotion and service, wished them luck, asked them to keep in touch and then dismissed them officially. Before most left, they wished her well by either shaking her hand or exchanging embraces. Tears were shed as they all said goodbye to each other and began to depart. Chakotay tried to approach her, but she managed to keep herself occupied with others.

Before the debriefings began, Shamira spoke again with Chakotay about Kathryn. She didn't go into detail on Kathryn's part, except to explain that things were being left unsaid and that he should talk to her before they both officially left the ship.

=/\=

Chakotay stood in his now empty quarters ready to depart the ship. His belongings had been sent along to his sister's house in Ohio, except for an overnight bag with a change of clothes that he kept because he wanted to take his time getting there. He'd sent Seven ahead to stay with her aunt and told her he'd catch up with her.

He discovered that Kathryn was still on board. The ship was now empty of her crew, except for the two of them and some tech's who were preparing to take Voyager to Utopia Planitia to be overhauled first. Her future would remain undecided at this point, but he hoped Voyager would see more travel.

He knew this was his last chance to speak with her and explain his actions. She was hurt, he knew and he wanted to fix whatever was left of their tattered relationship. He wasn't sure where his relationship with Seven was going, but his love for Kathryn would always be there, despite it all.

That's when he remembered the sandpainting they made. He promised to hold it for her until she was ready for it. Perhaps she was ready now.

With a sigh, he shouldered his bag and picked up the painting getting ready to talk with her. He left his quarters and walked down the corridor to her door. He heard the sound of faint music playing. It was now or never and he knew if Shamira found out he didn't settle things, she'd never let him forget it. He leaned the painting against the bulkhead and rang the chime.

=/\=

Kathryn stepped around a box as she carried some clothes putting them in her suitcase. She was spending one more night on board because that was her privilege as captain. The rest of the crew had already departed, so she was looking forward to walking the ship alone tonight after the work crews left.

Suddenly her doorchime rang and she glanced up curious as to who it was. She placed the blouse she was holding in her suitcase and walked out into the living area figuring it was a tech with a question.

"Come in," she said and the doors slid open. Her breath caught seeing it was Chakotay, she thought he had already left.

He stood looking at her dressed in the soft blue dress he hadn't seen in years. Her hair was loose and pulled back into a ponytail. She looked stunning to him as he realized just how much he missed her looking like this.

"Can I talk to you?" he asked softly.

Kathryn stood rooted to the floor unsure of what to say. He wasn't in uniform either. He wore a cream open-necked pullover linen shirt with dark brown trousers and brown shoes. He looked more handsome to her than ever before and she felt her heart lurch, as she wondered why he was there.

"Why?" she asked and forced herself to turn away from him. "I think - " and stopped as she stared into a nearby box that contained her belongings from the ready room.

Chakotay stepped in letting the doors close behind him, "what do you think?"

She closed her eyes focusing on her breathing, not understanding why he was there. "I don't know anymore," she replied softly and gathered her thoughts. She turned to him, "why are you here Chakotay? I thought you left with - "

"Seven?" he asked, she didn't respond, but looked away. "I sent her ahead to visit with her aunt." He stared at her as she tucked a lock of loose hair behind her ear. "Kathryn, can we talk please?"

"What about?" she asked and moved away looking for something else to pack just so she wouldn't have to look at him.

Chakotay watched her as she moved about the room checking for something. "About us," he replied finally.

"Us?" she asked glancing over at him. "There is no more 'us' Chakotay," she couldn't help how her voice shook. "Now, if there's nothing else. I'd like to continue packing."

"Actually there is something else," he said, she looked over at him. He put down his bag and then reached over picking up the painting he'd leaned against her desk. "I thought you might want this?" and held it up to her.

Kathryn felt her throat tighten as she saw the painting, "I almost forgot."

"I want you to have it," he told her gently and saw a tear roll down her face.

"Chakotay, I - " she whispered, this was killing her. The memories came flooding back and she wanted to cry. "I don't think - "

He walked over to her taking her hand placing the painting in it. "I think you should have it. To remember what we had - "

"I don't need this for that," she claimed, wiping her eyes as her voice broke. "Please, I can't - " she put the painting down on the armchair she was standing beside.

"Kathryn," he said, his heart aching to see her like this. He wanted to clear everything up with her. He reached out taking her arm, pulling her up to him, she tried to pull away. "Please help me understand this."

"It's my fault," she said staring at him. "I did this and I don't know how to change it. I drove you away - "

He shook his head, "no you haven't. I let myself be led away and I hurt you because of it. I'm so sorry - "

"We're both to blame," she said shaking her head. "We forgot our promise - "

"I'd like to keep it," he told her, "if you'd let me?"

Kathryn stared up at him, her eyes bright with tears. "What? What about Seven?"

He sighed, "she's too young for me, you know that. As lovely as she is, she needs a younger man, Kathryn. I was flattered that she asked me out, especially when you kept refusing dinner with me. I was lonely. So I took a chance and without realizing it, ended up in a relationship I had no intention of becoming part of."

"I can't let - "

He took both her arms, gently pulling her up against him. "Do you love me, Kathryn?" He sighed, "I need to know. What I do next depends on what your answer is."

Her lip trembled and she nodded, "yes, I've always loved you." He smiled tenderly at her, "I just haven't been able to tell you."

"What matters is, I know now," he said gently. "I love you Kathryn," and the tears she was holding slid down her face. "And, I've missed you in that dress," he added.

Kathryn laughed admist her tears and embraced him as he held her tightly against him. They clung to each other among her packed belongings as he stroked her hair and back gently. "I've missed you," she whispered tearfully.

"I missed you," he told her and looked at her. He lifted his hand and tenderly brushed her tears away. She stared up at him. He leaned down kissing her gently, she sighed responding and he deepened the kiss.

Kathryn felt the deck slip away from her as she clung tightly to him, almost afraid to let go, afraid he'd only be a dream. More tears slid down her face as she slid her hands down his strong back. She then placed her head on his shoulder, "Chakotay - " she whispered.

"I love you," he said tenderly and made her look at him. He took her face in his hands stroking the shape, relearning her all over again. Kathryn let him mesmerize her as his fingers gently stroked away her tears and work down to her mouth. He kissed her again deeply, opening her mouth to his as she responded with a soft moan.

Slowly he slid his hands down to her throat and neck, sliding his hands inside the collar of her dress. She shuddered clinging to him, feeling her arousal for the first time since Quarra, and that was even different.

Kathryn slid her hand down his shirt and pulled it up over his hips, sliding her hands beneath to touch his smooth, warm skin. The moment she did, he groaned into her mouth pulling her tighter against him.

He began to kiss her face softly with deep kisses. She tilted back her head as he kissed her neck and gently nipped at her throat. She sighed feeling her legs go weak. He held her against him, pressing his arousal against her. "Please," she whispered in the desire. "Please Chakotay."

He looked at her seeing the lost desire in her eyes and face. He wanted her just as much, "are you sure?"

She kissed him again deeply pulling his hips against hers, a moment later she gazed up at him, "yes, very sure."

"I love you Kathryn - " he said lovingly.

"I love you," she whispered. "Please make love to me Chakotay." He stared at her as she continued to caress just beneath his shirt, she could feel him shiver.

Chakotay reached up behind her head to the clip that held her hair back. He felt it for a moment because it was familiar. Releasing it, her hair loosened behind her and he took the clip looking at it. It was the barrette he had made for her on New Earth, he hadn't seen it since she cut her hair. She stared up at him, he smiled, "I almost forgot."

"I found it while packing," she said putting her hand over his that held the barrette. "It - was all I had of you."

"Not anymore," he told her squeezing her hand in turn. He then placed the barrette gently on a closed container and took her face in his hands. She reached up doing the same to him and he kissed her deeply again. She responded and he slid his hands down her slowly to her waist and then her backside. She shuddered against him, he then lifted her into his arms holding her, beginning to kiss her face.

Kathryn let herself be held like this as he carried her around her packed belongings and into her bedroom. She had her arms around his neck, staring at him when he noticed her packed suitcase sitting open on the bed.

"I don't think," he said seductively, "you'll be needing this," he lifted his foot up on the bed and kicked it sending it tumbling off the end. She smiled and he kissed her again, she responded as he lowered her to the bed. She knelt on it still kissing him as he slid his hands down to her backside and pulled her skirt up sliding his hands beneath.

Kathryn felt his hands slide beneath her skirt and caress her over her panties. She moaned softly and pressed herself against him. She was feeling her arousal build and she wanted him. Her hunger for him in the last five years had increased. She slid her hands down his chest and pulled his shirt up. He let her pull it over his head and he tossed it aside as she kissed his chest, slowly working down to his flat nipples which raised to the feel of her mouth as she savored them.

He groaned holding her head, "Kathryn - " he whispered harshly. Her hands slid lower to his trousers and unfastened them. She was taking the lead for the moment, as his arousal built he thought he was going to explode. She then slid her hand inside and he shuddered and held her head, as she took him in her hand beginning to stroke. She continued to please him as long as he could handle it. Just when he thought he'd come, he pulled her hand out. "Let me," he told her, "please, Kathryn. Let me finish," and he kissed her again lowering her to the bed lying against her. He slid his hands up her, pulling her dress over her head as he reached up stroking her breasts through her bra.

Kathryn shivered against him and pulled him tighter to her. He kissed lower and then lowered his mouth over a breast savoring a bud through her bra. She groaned as he savored it and then did the other. She hoped he'd still find her as beautiful now as he did five years ago but was uncertain because she knew her body had begun changing. "I'm older," she whispered, somewhat sadly. "Not like I used to be - "

Chakotay lifted his head gazing at her, he smiled gently, "what about me? I've changed too - "

She reached up cupping the side of his face, "but you've only gotten better. Me -?" and he kissed her deeply, she moaned softly responding.

He slid his hands beneath her bra cupping her breasts and she arched her back in response. He whispered as he pulled her bra over her head tossing it. "Your still beautiful, my love - " and stopped realizing what he said as he remembered his promise not to call her that anymore.

Kathryn felt him stop, she gazed at him, "it's okay Chakotay. I want to hear it again, please." To prove it, she lifted her head, kissing him deeply. He responded and she wrapped her arms around him pulling him against her.

He slid his hands down her caressing her gently, he reached her panties. He followed his hands with soft, deep kisses. He lingered over at her breasts savoring each tenderly and then with more hunger as his need grew and she warmed beneath him. She held his head, moaning as he continued.

Kathryn's hips shifted beneath him when she felt his hand begin to stroke her over her panties. A flush of warmth flooded down her and she arched her hips to his hand as he continued to stroke her over them. She groaned, "Chakotay - "

" - Let me," he whispered as he relearned her body and its sensitive spots. To test if she'd changed, he went lower and placed his mouth on her over the material. She cried out softly in the pleasure and he pushed the material aside to find her hot and moist. He started to stroke her gently he then slid two fingers deep inside her. She cried out softly as her body shuddered around his hand. As he slowly stroked her and pressed up against her bud with the material, he found she was still somewhat tight.

Kathryn arched her hips to his stroking wanting him even closer. "Chak - please. I can't wait - "

"Relax, my love," he said gently and pulled her panties off, tossing them aside. Once he did, he placed his mouth completely on her, beginning to drink what sweetness she held. He discovered after all these years, her taste was still the same. She was crying out and he felt her body shudder deeply again. She was almost ready and he was as well.

Kathryn whimpered, feeling his tongue plunging deeper and exploring her. Suddenly her body shuddered violently and she screamed, arching her back. He began kissing up her and removed the rest of his clothes while lying against her. Her legs parted, allowing him closer, as they surrounded his hips. He kissed her deeply, again opening her mouth she tasted herself on him, their tongues meshing.

"Now," she pleaded, the desire heard. "Please," and groaned when he slowly brought them together. She clutched him tightly holding him in place, remembering how he felt. "I've missed you," she moaned. He gazed at her and kissed her deeply again. He slowly withdrew and then plunged in deeper, she cried out against his mouth.

Chakotay groaned feeling her warmth surround him again. "Kathryn," he whispered and slowly began to move against her. She clung to him moaning as he kissed her again deeply, she responded wrapping her legs around his waist. He rolled her over against him as she began to move her hips against him.

Kathryn sat up as he took her hands supporting her, they stared at each other. "I love you," she moaned and he sat up, kissing her neck and throat as they rocked gently. She ran her hands through his hair and moaned when he kissed down to a breast, savoring it gently. The ache in her began to build and she rocked her hips urging him deeper.

"So beautiful," he said softly and lifted his head kissing her again as their tongues meshed. He lowered her to the bed, beginning to move slightly faster and deeper, feeling his release building. He wanted to bring them to their climaxes together after being apart for so long. To prolong their time, he withdrew and she cried out in protest. He lifted himself off her and rolled her onto her stomach beginning to kiss slowly down her starting at the tips of her shoulders.

As he worked down, Kathryn sighed loving the attention he was giving her. When he reached her backside, he slowly dipped his hand further to touch and caress her. She cried out gripping the bedcovers opening herself up to him more. This was new to her as he'd never done this to her before.

"Oh god," she groaned feeling him lie against her. He slid his hands alongside her caressing down to her hips, positioning her gently by lifting her hips against him. She could feel him against her and wanted to feel him inside her again. She raised herself more and groaned loudly when he brought them together again deeper and firmer. "Now," she commanded, "please," and he began to move harder against her. She cried out arching and pushing against him, he reached beneath her stroking her breasts.

"Oh Kathryn," he groaned, feeling his release building more as he began to pound into her harder. She cried out again, he leaned into her more holding her hips tighter. She was pleading with him not to stop, he didn't and continued to pound into her. Her muscles were clenching him tightly as he felt his own as he continued to fill her.

Kathryn felt him move faster and deeper and the ache build so much tighter she felt as though she were going to explode. Suddenly she felt her body shudder and she cried out, practically screaming. He soon followed spilling his life into hers and she slowly sank back down to the bed groaning with him following.

Chakotay lay against her gasping, wrapping his arms around her he buried his face in her neck and hair. Both lay quietly as their senses returned moments later, she then shifted beneath him. "I'll move - " he whispered, "I don't want to crush you."

Kathryn smiled softly loving how he felt against her, knowing how much she missed it. "That's okay," she murmured.

He chuckled softly, "no, I want to leave you breathing." He moved beside her, she moaned softly. He pulled her against him, and she snuggled against him as they spooned comfortably on her bed. He lifted his head up placing a kiss on the tip of her shoulder, "well, at least we have a bigger bed this time."

She nodded and turned her head upwards to look at him, "yes, it finally saw some action," and he smiled, kissing her gently. She responded reaching behind her wrapping an arm around his neck. He slid a hand up cupping a breast beginning to stroke gently, she moaned softly into his mouth. She pulled away as he began to kiss her face, "I thought I lost you," she whispered.

"Never," he said gently. "You'll never lose me. I love you so much."

"I love you," she replied and rested her head on a pillow. He was still caressing her breast, she felt her body grow warm again and his other hand slid down to her abdomen. She placed her hands over his as they splayed against her.

Chakotay noticed how quiet she was, he pulled her tighter against him, "why are you so quiet?"

She didn't respond for a moment, then sighed, "I was wondering how I'd look as a blonde."

He blinked for a moment and propped himself up gazing at her, "Kathryn -? Why would you -?" she stared up at him and slowly a soft smile formed. That's when he realized she was teasing him, "don't you ever joke like that again," and she laughed softly. He kissed her tenderly, she responded and he felt his arousal awaken again.

A moment later she pulled away gazing at him, "you have to tell her, you know?"

He nodded, "I know - "

" - It has to be tomorrow," she said firmly somewhat more so than she planned. "Or else we don't have a future Chakotay."

"I will," he said, "I promise. I want to be with you, I've always wanted to."

"Just - don't hurt her," Kathryn said softly.

"No," he replied and buried his face in her neck kissing it.

They lay quietly for several moments, he started to caress her over her hand, sliding it slowly to her soft recess where he found her already moist for him. She moaned softly, then added, her voice deep with desire. "Besides, I think there's a chance I could be pregnant - "

Chakotay lifted his head, "what?" She didn't respond, she then turned into his arms gazing at him. "Kathryn, how can you know this?"

She reached up cupping the side of his face, "a woman knows these things." He stared at her, she smirked, "Chakotay, what's wrong?"

"Nothing," he said beginning to smile, excited if she were right. "I mean, you haven't kept current on your boosters?"

"No sex, no need," she replied with a shrug. "You?"

"My last one was a year...ago," he replied blankly. "Kathryn, it'd be so wonderful - "

"Happy?" she asked, he stared at her and then kissed her deeply and gently, wrapping her against him. She held him against her, several moments later he began to kiss her face gently while beginning to caress her. "I guess so," she groaned when he reached her soft recess again, beginning to caress. She parted her legs allowing him better access, which he took advantage of.

He felt her grow even more aroused and kissed her again, she responded. He then slid two fingers inside her deeply, she cried out against his mouth. "I plan to marry you," he whispered against her mouth as he stroked her.

"Chakotay," she whispered harshly, her body shuddered deeply. "Please."

He then rolled over against her as she slid her legs around his hips. She slid her arms around his back slowly sliding them up to his neck and tangling her fingers in his hair. "You're so beautiful," he said tenderly, he positioned himself against her. She opened her eyes, he reached up tenderly tracing her face. "I hope you've made me a father, Kathryn I really do. I love you."

She lifted her head kissing him deeply. He responded taking her face in his hands. As they kissed, he slid into her gently and deeply. She groaned against his mouth. She arched her hips to him to bring him closer and wrapped a leg around his waist as he continued to move against her slowly.

Chakotay then took her hands raising them above her head. He then lifted himself slightly off her beginning to move deeper. She stared up at him and he smiled watching the pleasure and desire sweep over her. She groaned as her body shuddered, he moaned feeling his own release building.

"Harder," she whispered and groaned feeling her body shudder again. "Please Chakotay," he started to move faster and she gripped his hands. She slid her legs around him more pulling him closer to her and he began to move slower again. She growled lowly, "are you teasing me?"

He chuckled, "oh no, my love. Just making this last - "

" - I want you all the way - " she whispered.

"Who's making love to who here?" he asked and then plunged slightly deeper and harder, she cried out in response. "Let's take advantage of our last night on board."

"I can't believe - " she said and groaned feeling her body shudder deeply. She wanted release from his hands and pushed against them. He was beginning to move faster now as she arched herself up closer to him. She bit her lip, "don't - stop!"

"Never," he replied, his voice full of desire and leaned down kissing her passionately, opening her mouth as their tongues meshed. He let her hands go, lowering himself, to her beginning to pound into her harder and deeper. She wrapped her arms around him clinging, beginning to cry out against his mouth.

Kathryn felt her body shudder as the ache built and her muscles were clenching him tightly. He was pounding her and filling her she thought she was going to scream in the pleasure of it all. She bit into his neck gently and felt her body shudder one more time and cried out, embracing him tightly feeling the pleasure wash through her.

Chakotay felt her release and then his own go, crying out her name as his body shuddered he spilled his life into hers collapsing against her. They lay gasping in each other's arms as they held each other.

After several moments, he lifted his head and she smiled at him. He kissed her tenderly, she responded. Slowly he rolled beside her pulling her with him as they quietly lie there. He glanced up outside her viewport noticing that the sun was setting. She was quiet as he held her gently and kissed the side of her head. "Where are you going tomorrow?" he asked softly.

"I was planning to visit my mother," she replied, "for a few days. Then I was going to spend some time at the family cabin in Lake George." She turned into his arms gazing up at him, "will you join me there?"

He nodded, "yes, I will."

"After you tell Seven," she replied, he nodded. She could see the apprehension in his face. She reached up cupping the side of his face. He kissed her hand gently, "it's not going to be easy Chakotay, but Seven will understand."

"I know," he sighed and she wrapped her arms around him, he held her gently.

They spent their final night on Voyager in both passion and tenderness. When they were about to depart from the ship she sent her belongings ahead to her mother's, she then stood with him in the transporter room for the final time. "I'll see you in three days," he told her.

She nodded, "I'll be there," she squeezed his hands. "If your not - "

" - I'll see you in Lake George," he said firmly, she nodded. They were alone, so he leaned over kissing her gently. She responded and he pulled away letting her set up onto the platform. He walked up behind the controls, "I love you," he added.

"I love you," she said blowing a kiss to him. He activated the controls and watched her dematerialize.

Four Days Later  
Kathryn walked out onto the large deck of the family cabin late afternoon that Friday. Her mood was somber as she debated about why she hadn't seen Chakotay yet. He was due to arrive the day before and hadn't yet. She hadn't heard from him since leaving Voyager when he left to tell Seven about them.

The fact that he was a day and a half late made her uneasy and she didn't like that feeling.

=/\=

The moment the transporter let him off outside the walkway to the Janeway cabin, Chakotay already felt at home, as he was surrounded by towering pine trees. He could see the sun filtering through on the large A-frame house with a wraparound porch that faced the lake.

He was late. His break-up with Seven went smoother than he thought it would and Seven seemed to understand his commitment to Kathryn. Right before he left for Lake George, Shamira had contacted him inquiring about his situation with Kathryn. He informed her that all was well, but before he could say anything more, she told him to come to dinner. He left Seven's aunt's house to spend time with his sister.

That morning, he finally let her know Kathryn was waiting for him in Lake George. She scolded him for letting Kathryn wait and told him to pack what was his and leave.

It took part of the morning and afternoon to fish through what remained of his belongings from before he had become a Maquis. When he was satisfied with what he wanted to keep or take, he packed extra clothes, a photo album and other items and requested a beam out.

Now that he was finally here, he knew he had to tell her why he was late and realized he should have contacted her sparing her the heartache of thinking he wasn't coming. He then picked up his large duffel bag and shouldered it, heading up the walkway to the steps that led up to the porch with large double front doors.

As he approached, he spotted Kathryn standing on the back porch in a soft white sleeveless sundress. Her hair was loose and behind her. She looked like she was deep in thought. He put down his bags and quietly walked over to her.

=/\=

Kathryn sighed in disappointment, figuring he wasn't going to come and wondering why. Her hand slid down to her abdomen where she knew she at least still had a part of him. She knew it'd be difficult raising a child by herself, but also knew she would love it as much as she loved Chakotay. She hoped he'd at least want to be involved with his child's life.

Suddenly she heard a noise behind her and slowly turned to find him standing before her dressed in black trousers and a button-down, open-necked beige linen shirt. Her breath caught at the sight of him finally being there.

"Where were you?" she asked curious, resisting the urge to run into his arms.

He shrugged, "blame Shamira, she wanted me to visit," feeling guilty for not contacting her.

She sighed as she slowly walked towards him, that's when he noticed her bare feet and the silhouette of her body beneath the dress. He wondered if she were wearing anything beneath it. "Tell her to wait the next time," she said and stopped just before him their eyes never leaving each other.

He smiled, "I plan to," and he opened his arms to her.

Kathryn felt her emotions build once he did that and she let all reason go by launching herself into his arms. He held her tightly kissing her neck gently and inhaling the scent of her from the bath she took a few hours before. "I'm so happy your here," she whispered feeling him lift her off the deck against him.

"So am I," he replied stroking her back gently.

Nine Months Later  
Kathryn pushed one more time with a groan at the Doctor's request. Suddenly she heard the cry of a newborn and felt tears slip from her eyes.

"You have a girl, Captain," he said proudly.

Kathryn nearly burst into tears, she glanced up at Chakotay who was smiling happily. "It's a girl," she told him weakly, but happy.

He nodded, "I know, my love," his voice cracked. "And, she's so beautiful."

"Here you go," the Doctor said gently placing the bundle wrapped in a soft pink blanket in her arms. Kathryn began to cry, Chakotay leaned over kissing her tenderly.

She held her daughter in her arms letting the tears slide down her face. "Oh, she's so beautiful!"

Chakotay nodded in agreement, he gently held his daughter's tiny hand and kissed it gently. He then looked at Kathryn, "now will you marry me?"

She laughed crying, she nodded looking at him while the baby cried, "yes, I will," and he kissed her gently, she responded happily.

  
END  
FEEDBACK WOULD BE MOST APPRECIATED!!!


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